To expect my child to study during the summer holidays?!

[accepting]

Well he is very far behind at school. In the lower sets in english & maths.

He does have a very "not bothered" attitude towards his school work. His concentration levels is overall very poor and he does come across (to others) as a lazy and cheeky child.

I just don't want him to have that kind of reputation at school and i would hate for him to continue like this all the way through his school years!

So now we are in a battle at home to get him to do some extra work during the summer break...aibu or should i let it go? He absolutely isnt having this and calls it torture

It depends whether you make him do very overt 'work', or whether you do lots of things which are fun, educational but not 'schooly'.

For example, there are lots of online Maths games which are 'mathsy' - but equally, any board game with dice or money or strategy, any type of number puzzle, and anything that requires him to add up how long something will take, or how much it will cost, is maths.

Equally, he may hate reading books, but does he also hate reading recipes (especially foer unusually delicious cakes or biscuits...) or instructions, or directions, or the guidebook for somewhere you are going?

He may hate writing, but what about lists or labelled diagrams or letters to you to request something? Where might he really want to go durig the summer>? Say you might take him there, if he works out costs, timings, directions, can tell you all about what is there and writes you a letter to persuade you to go there....

Or can he create websites or videos using something like Adobe Sparks? Typing the content is again a form of writing? Science experiments, cooking, distances on cycle routes? Trips to places that are e.g. historical but also child-friendly, or hands-on science places like WeTheCurious or the Science Museum?

X posted, sorry. Following any type of sports with leagues or times is also great maths.

It sounds to me that you need to work on his motivation/confidence rather than his actual maths, so that he can start in September in a better frame of mind. I don't know what is best here but imagine others might have suggestions?
On the maths front I have seen Kumon used very effectively BUT you and he need to be very committed to it so that would need to follow a change in attitude.

goldMara
Thank you for explaining this

I think it would be a mistake to think of it as studying, but actually I do think that kids can make a huge leap forward if they read and do some maths away from school. This works if there is a way they can learn which is interesting and fun for them.

We always go and visit family in a remote place with no screens whatsoever, and our kids would read a lot and play games/ do puzzles, and sometimes even do some maths with an interested older relative, who had cool tricks to share.

Can you think of a way to get your son interested in something which wouldn't be too much like school, but would build his confidence?

Some of my children are dyslexic and we used to do home summer school to cement some of the learning they were behind on. So handwriting when they were about 8 and it was apparent they weren't able to manage and school wasn't going to do much about it.

Reading; they had to read a whole book over the summer because they struggled to finish a book ever. My daughter states that finishing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory changed her life at 11 because she then knew she could read a whole book for the first time. Although she still manages her dyslexia she still reads all the time.

Personally I wish I had done more, like maths games and times tables whilst they help in the kitchen or totting up shopping as we went around the shops and loads of stuff from pinterest. We did and still do watch history documentaries together (they are adults) and discuss things as it's on or later. I wanted my children to have enquiring minds and they do.

I should add also for the OP's benefit that neither of mine did any formal or structured academic work whatsoever in their summer holidays - ever - and they have both left school now

I should also add for the OP's benefit that DS was always in the bottom set for English throughout junior school - which did get me tearing my hair out at the time - but he has been offered a place at Cambridge :)

You can't tell how they are going to develop - the most important thing is not to force anything and be super encouraging and just help them to develop enquiring minds. Which has nothing to do with doing godawful reading scheme books or maths exercises in their holidays!!!

I have tears in my eyes reading your advice and replies...thanking you for making me see things differently.

It just upsets me that out of the whole class he struggles the most (he tells me that) and as a result its making him easily distracted AND he distracts the class too!

I would just like to do more now to help him feel more confident in his learning...and just generally improve his attitude towards learning.

Im taking note of every bit of advice and truly thankful for the time you have given up to help me.

thesearepearls

Thats reassuring to know! Thank you!
I should relax a bit and take it easy...deep breaths

Oh, leave him be.

When he’s back to school in September, get him up to speed then. Maybe get some tuition going for him.

Some kids are academic, some aren’t 🤷🏼‍♀️

A total break for a few weeks then reintroducing maths gradually will probably do him good. There are various games that use maths but not in an obvious way he might enjoy. Or get him baking and measuring out ingredients.

I agree with others that it's not realistic for a teenager to study alone when they're struggling - some support is needed, and studying more may not be the answer anyway.

But - would it be worth contacting the organisations that deal with dyscalculia/dyslexia (I say it like that because there are more in the latter area, but in practice they often deal with the former too)? They may have recommendations for tutors who specialise. Often, tutors don't have special training, and some are really geared up to work with children who have no particular issues, just as revision support staff. You need something else if your child needs to build some confidence and/or tackle some deep issues.

FWIW my mum is a tutor in maths for dyslexic/dyscalculic children this age, and what you say is so familiar and so heartbreaking.

Actually I would do some work with him during the school hols. Just as I have done some work with dc2 when he was right at the bottom of the class in English.
There is a fine difference between not wanting to push a child too hard and not giving a fuck and therefore not supporting them when they NEED it.

A bit late as they have broke up now, but I would have had a chat with his teacher to see what he is missing and what would have been good for him to do during the school hols.
Wo that, I would look at where he struggles the most (eg learning time tables or reading) and do some.
Only a little bit everyday. Maybe 10~15mins max. And then spend the rest if the day enjoying yourself together.

Have you discussed / considered dyslexia? Nessy do a test using games online for £10 that flags up if it’s likely

I’m always confused that people think our 6 week holiday makes children slide irreparably backwards when most countries above us in PISA rankings have longer breaks. Ours are among the shortest in the world.

Oh and I would also do a bit of research in any issue he might have (dyslexia, adhd, whatever could make it harder for him to follow in class) .
If anything sorts of feels it could be the reason for his struggles, I wood have an assessment done p. Privately if needed.
So he can get the right support too.

If your son may be dyscalculic, then ANYTHING that relates numbers to something concrete will be helpful - from counting plates back into the cupboard after washing up and asking how many there will be after you have laid the table, to counting up money for a shopping trip, to measuring up a bed for plants or a wall for paint. Take him shopping - 'that pie serves 2, I'd like enough for 3 meals for 3 of us, how many will we need', get him to cook, measure out water for the plants, select lego bricks to mae a wall of a particular length ... ANYTHING that makes a link between an object or quantity with a number, especially if you can do 'x more' or 'Y less' or 'how any lots of' that amount.

Is what he's studying in any way useful for him? Like other people are saying, if there's anything at all he wants to do, there's probably a way to make it educational. In one sense the point of education, school, etc, is to help kids grow into independent adults, so anything that advances him towards that is good. Lots of high achievers have a tough patch after school when they have to learn that nobody gives a monkey's that you were in top set English, it's what you learn to do that's really important.

I'd do some work with him as I find it can make a huge difference having one to one - and do it with him, talking it over before getting him to do questions.
Afterwards give him a treat.
It will massively improve his confidence for next year and boost his knowledge too.
CGP books are a good source for this type of home learning.
Good Luck

The other thing to investigate is ADD/ADHD
My son was diagnosed this year with ADD and dyslexia. Now we know what we are dealing I am tutoring him at home and he is making progress. We do about 20-40 minutes every day.

I agree give him a break however one thing that helped my son was actually the computer maths games . He loved the chance to go online even if just for maths. Back to learning through play

My brother is highly intelligent but hated school. Around age ten we would:

Do simple science experiments (blowing up a balloon by putting it on a milk bottle, checking whether water, hairdryer or salt melted an ice cube quicker)

Had a magic kit (had to read instructions and follow closely)

Went Geocaching and on walks with OS maps

Designed cities / multi storey car parks (!)

Read bus timetables, graphs etc to arrange days out

Cooking from scratch inc weighing out and using conversion tables

Webt to car boot sales / charity shops with a fixed sum to spend

Wrote "Top Ten Best"... lists using the Argos book

Copied football stadiums onto a UK map.

It was all about harnessing his interest and attention.

He also loved computers even back in the 90s so screen time was always productive for him. He understood binary in year seven and has set up several websites. He would have loved using sonething like a Raspberry Pie. He is now a self employed web developer. Your son will find his niche too.

Not read the whole thread. I would completely leave off any study during the holidays. The more you nag the more it will turn him against study. I'd start afresh in September on the understanding that if he continues to struggle you will seek out extra help at school, or even get a tutor. Fair compromise I think!

Stuff like cakes as well - you can do recipes where you need to double or halve the ingredients, or where you work out the area of the tins they are suggesting vs the ones you have to change the size, taking 20 degrees off the oven temperature, adding up the cost of the ingredients, converting from oz to gram so you know how much to buy, doing the weighing without emptying the weighing bowl so you work out what it will total up to, same with the measuring jug. How many ounces in a lb etc.

Gardening or DIY: distances between plants, number of plants you need in an area, working out the area of lawn for fertiliser, ratios for liquid fertiliser or weed killer. Paint - how much to do the fence? How many tins? How much will they cost? Replacing the drainpipe - how many metres, how many bits is that, how often do you need a clamp to attach it to the wall, so how many of those do you need.

Days out: can we work out how much various sorts of tickets are to see which is best value?/check we are being charged the right amount?

As a teacher I would say noooo don’t make the poor kid study through the summer. If he’s not motivated that will have a negative impact anyway. Take him to do things like escape rooms and urban treasure hunts - SO much fun, and involve some mathsy and word puzzles as clues.