To step right back from the ‘school mums’

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Try to be brief prior to dd starting primary in sept I knew a few of the mums from preschool, women I went to school with etc.
Anyway on starting school and because I’ll basically chat to anyone I ended up knowing more of the mums so far so good. I was invited on nights out and invited some of the mums that knew no one bar me basically I was being inclusive.
One woman I’ll call her Susan I’ve known for a couple years nice enough woman but very clear she didn’t have many friends and was always organising ‘mums nights’.
Anyway this years it’s become apparent that Susan can be a bit two faced and is very keen to talkback about everyone’s else business so I was wary and backed off which she’s sensed but she’s now friendly with the ladies I was friendly with and organising things I’m not included.
Part of me thinks no sweat I’ve got plenty of other friends so not being part of a school Mum group isn’t the end of the world... but obviously for dd is it best I suck it up and just get on with her and not back off from her.

I’d step away. If she is two faced then the other mums will soon work it out and step away too. This is probably why it was obvious she didn’t have any friends when you first met her, you did the right thing to include her but she’ll soon end up alone again if she’s two faced and bad mouthing people. I can’t see it would affect your daughter in school that much and it’s a lesson to her not to put up with that behaviour, you stepping back from poor friends is setting a good example to her.

Yes, take a step back. Be "friendly but not friends" to / with everyone.

If you’ve sussed out she’s two-faced, hopefully the others soon will.
There’s a Mum similar at my school. Not been here long and everyone was initially friendly.
Turns out she’s never totally sober a lot of the time and will palm her kids off on anyone who looks willing even if she hardly knows them.
People are slowly realising this and giving her a wide berth.

I find this time of year i always get really sick of the drama and aggro of the school runs.

One in my circle of friends is behaving absolutely awfully since her husband left her and it’s really quite embarrassing and hard to deal with. I cannot wait til the end of term and the freedom to just exist with my little family and ignore the bloody lot of them

Urgh I hate the whole 'school mum' group. I've recently taken a step back from one I was friendly with and feel much better for it. As long as you are friendly and say hellonyour DC should be ok.

I would probably work on forging friendships with the parents of the kids DD is friends with (hopefully not Susan!) and keep it friendly from a distance with Susan. Like you say you have your own social life and don't need mum's nights.

My DD starts reception in September. I'm not looking forward to this sort of thing. Maybe it will bypass me as I work full time.

OP, I'd steer well clear of people like that.

Carver16x

The only thing you have in common is kids of the same age. No reason why you actually need to be 'friends' with any of them if you don't want to or don't like them much - just be pleasant to everyone, you can't go far wrong then. And ignore the drama.

Do you like the other women? If so, can you not try to meet them perhaps more 1-1 so you're not playing Susan at her own dickish game, but not losing friends because of one twat either?

If you're not bothered though, fuck the lot of them off.

I also do have a lot of time for carver's suggestion

I genuinely do not get why people get so invested in the whole school mum thing
They’re a group of adults whose child is in same class as mine.thats all
All this she said,I said,is utter froth.yet it vexes and takes up time
If you have actual interests & commonalities,fine.but don’t hang in a group be cause of school
My observation is it’s the sahm who get all aerated and over invested in school politics. Maybe because they’ve nowt much else to do? Point being school isn’t your world,it’s your kid world. But all the cliques the politics it’s toresome

Fortunately because I work FT I don’t get in involved in the carry on, often hearing about it 3rd hand months later

I am friends with some mums, it’s a genuine shared interest friendship (work,politics,literature) not just a convenient for school friendship

I don’t do any pta activity
I don’t put in for group collections
Have the pta emails directed straight to junk mail folder

Smash her face in - so we are condoning violence against women on mumsnet now are we???? Because someone decided not to include someone on a night out..... smash her face in??? Are you lot ok???

Hi Susan 👋

You’ll have to challenge her to a duel. There’s no other way.

Is this what Wendying is?

Stepped right guy back from the school mums after another mum turned incredibly nasty - trying to break up other friendships between mums, lies, false allegations, you name it - and then trying to do the same in school with the kids. There has since been a pattern with her doing the same with a new group of mums who had been unaware of her previous behaviours.
Now always polite and friendly at the school gates to the other parents, but ‘real’ friends with no more than two or three other mums now, and feeling much better for it. Learned my lesson not to place too much value on schoolgate friendships the hard way.

The beast this is definitely the way forward for the two faced school mum types!

I literally have nothing to do with school mums - other than a friendly 'hello' and 'have a good weekend'.

After 5 kids, I find a friendly distance from school mum's so much easier

Dancing dot, Susan is my mil name brings out the rage in me sorry!

The joy of FT working is I’m never at school gate,don’t attend sports day etc
Consequently I’m never embroiled in school gate spat
Only time me PTA queen bee clashed was class present contributions. Set a fixed contribution amount and refused to accept any other amount. And TA got half the amount of a teacher . I simply stopped putting in

@DancingDot 100% agree with you!

OMG bizarretortoise I think you must have children in my daughter’s class. Surely we can’t both know deranged trouble causers like that? Surely there can’t be 2 of them? 😂

It’s things like this that make me really worried about my son starting school in September!
I’m genuinely interested if you can say hello have a quick chat with the mums at the school gate and then go on your merry way, is it really as awful as people make out?

Yep you’ve been royally wendied