To step right back from the ‘school mums’

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Try to be brief prior to dd starting primary in sept I knew a few of the mums from preschool, women I went to school with etc.
Anyway on starting school and because I’ll basically chat to anyone I ended up knowing more of the mums so far so good. I was invited on nights out and invited some of the mums that knew no one bar me basically I was being inclusive.
One woman I’ll call her Susan I’ve known for a couple years nice enough woman but very clear she didn’t have many friends and was always organising ‘mums nights’.
Anyway this years it’s become apparent that Susan can be a bit two faced and is very keen to talkback about everyone’s else business so I was wary and backed off which she’s sensed but she’s now friendly with the ladies I was friendly with and organising things I’m not included.
Part of me thinks no sweat I’ve got plenty of other friends so not being part of a school Mum group isn’t the end of the world... but obviously for dd is it best I suck it up and just get on with her and not back off from her.

I was polite to the playground mum's but never got involved. I didn't even know their names. By the time DC was 6 they were meeting me out side the grounds of the school.

What ohnothanks said!
Nice bunch of mums at my kids school. I try be friendly to whoever happens to stand next to me and do the odd bit of helping when asked.
I find the only two types I avoid are the people that complain about everything and help with nothing, and the people who do everything and act like they run the playground. The rest of us are the majority.

My DD has just left primary school and I have never experienced anything like what some of you talk about. I have made a solid group of friends and we have experienced births, deaths, divorce and everything in between over the last 7 years. We have also had arguments and times when we get on each others nerves but we apologise and move on.

In addition to this group of friends, I have always chatted perfectly happily to any other parent who crossed my path and have been out for coffee or days out with my DD and her friends and their mums with no issue, even though they are not in my main friendship group. To celebrate the end of year 6, me and a few of the other mums organised a party, some of the mums were from my group of close friends, others were not but we all worked well together and as other parents dropped off for the party, I had a chat with them too. They are all just normal people!

I do not know where this clique thing comes in or this Alpha Mum thing? I'm absolutely sure it must in some places, because of the posts I see on here but I feel very lucky that my experience of the school gates has been a positive one. (I haven't actually been at the school gates for a few years due to my work but have maintained contact with different people via my DD friends and at school events).

Finally, I really hope, if you never help with any PFA event, your child never gets to use the ipads or the books or whatever else that money has been used for. Yes, they need people to give money to buy things at the events but they also need things to buy and people to sell them. Our summer fayre was nearly cancelled this year because not enough parents volunteered to help on a stall for just one hour. This is our biggest fundraiser and has raised many thousands to purchase educational equipment, and parents couldn't stand on a stall for an hour! It absolutely shocks me. No one is saying you have to throw yourself in, attend every meeting and become a fully fledged PFA member. But offer your time, bake some cakes. Its for the benefit of your child. As others have said, the middle ground works well for most.

Upsy an average post till I got to finally, you certainly have a very spiteful attitude towards children, I assume you would be the parent gleefully drawing up the blacklist.

YADNBU.

There's a thread running just now about having no friends. Loads of people seem to agree that:

1. You only make real friends at school or uni.

1. Work colleagues can't be real friends, they're alright for a drink after work but will never be proper mates.

1. School mum friends are to be avoided at all costs, lots of "drop and run" advice.

Does it never occur to these friendless people that these are ideal ways to make new friends and deciding to put up barriers before you give anyone a chance makes you as bad as the people you're accusing of being cliquey and unfriendly. Sheesh.

I think I'm in the minority. I've got some lovely and normal friends that I've met through my sons school. No bitching, no dramas, no fallouts.

Yes there are some bitchy people but I stay back from them and only say hello.

Sorry to read of the bad experiences others have had.

I don't think you're in the minority camel, seems like a perfectly normal experience to me.

The other ladies seem lovely and the majority of the people I’ve come across have genuinely been nice but Susan is different. I’m just glad I noticed when I did I’m naturally very friendly but guarded about what I reveal anyway and when Susan started to talk about others and their private business I was so glad I’d not discussed anything remotely private.
I do like the other ladies and definitely wouldn’t want to organise anything and just leave other Susan so maybe the suggestions of seeing the others just one on one is best my dd is more friends with their dc anyway.

Ds’s School was lovely, mostly lovely parents.

There was however one very dominating school Mum. Dominated her dc, dominated the school, dominated other parents and posted one sided story’s on fb. This all centred around her dc though. Take school out of the equation and all that went along with it and she was actually a nice person, helpful, kind. Just became completely bonkers and competitive where her dc was concerned. Made and still makes me feel very confused for my feelings about her.

Interesting socks