To step right back from the ‘school mums’

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Try to be brief prior to dd starting primary in sept I knew a few of the mums from preschool, women I went to school with etc.
Anyway on starting school and because I’ll basically chat to anyone I ended up knowing more of the mums so far so good. I was invited on nights out and invited some of the mums that knew no one bar me basically I was being inclusive.
One woman I’ll call her Susan I’ve known for a couple years nice enough woman but very clear she didn’t have many friends and was always organising ‘mums nights’.
Anyway this years it’s become apparent that Susan can be a bit two faced and is very keen to talkback about everyone’s else business so I was wary and backed off which she’s sensed but she’s now friendly with the ladies I was friendly with and organising things I’m not included.
Part of me thinks no sweat I’ve got plenty of other friends so not being part of a school Mum group isn’t the end of the world... but obviously for dd is it best I suck it up and just get on with her and not back off from her.

So she is a Wendy basically.

DailyMailFail schoolgate is what you make it.if you want to say hi & go,do it
If you get all she said,I said and embroiled in the politics then that’s your look out
Personally I’d advise cool and cordial. And fastidiously AVOID THE PTA

I read “The Hive” not long after DS started school should be compulsory for all new school gate mums. Beware the Mum who is always keen to help you with pick up. Turns out she’s just storing up credit for the future and expects payback big style. I side stepped that one early on, unfortunately a couple of friends are still paying the price.

Avoid avoid avoid... this exact thing happened to me. Sometimes, I will admit, it's hard when I see them all on FB having nights out etc BUT my life is much nicer day to day and I learnt who my friends are.

I do not do school gate friendships, I run in and run out again, barely pausing to say more than a big communal 'hiiiii'

Schoolgate cliques are so tiresome.self absorbed shite,I said,she said gossip
Be clear,school,is about the kids not the parents.ive been to school,don’t need to repeat

I also don't get why people get so invested in the whole school mums thing. I have 3 children at primary and am also a childminder so I spend a lot of time doing pick ups / plays/ sports days etc. I know a huge number of parents to have a chat to. have a vague knowledge of their family set up etc ( mostly cos I care for lots of their children!) but I basically get there. chat to who ever is around for 5 minutes then leave. What is all this angst?

cannot change we need more details on that!

Person that sent it clearly has issues

God's honest truth, but don't want to go into more detail in case this ends up on the Daily Fail

But just shows how crazy the schoolground can become

Is her real life name Wendy?!

Is this an actual thing? I've got 2 DS in high school and a DD going into Yr. 6 come September and i've not experienced this cliquey sounding 'School Mums' group thing. I walked the kids to school, dropped them off, smiled and said Hi to a few familiar faces and off i went... Never affected the kids having mates at school or being included/invited to things or stopped other kids coming to their parties.

I'll be sticking to this routine with my youngest when she starts nursery too.

Cannotchange we need more info on that lunacy , that warrants starting your own thread I think .

This is why I keep a distance between myself and the school mum's. We have a chat at drop off/pick up, maybe the odd coffee here and there, but that's it. They are not my social circle, and it's all light and enjoyable. Fuck having all that drama.

You are welcome to my favourite School Mum story

Eight of us went out for dinner. Someone (not me) organised it. Let's call her the Alpha-Mum. I went along to be matey. The bill including service came to £280. The other seven Mums looked helpless. Because I am unusually gifted at maths or possibly because I was driving and had only had one glass of wine, I was immediately able to conclude that our bills were £35 each. Call me a genius

The Alpha-Mum disagreed. She had done her sums and concluded that we should pay £48 each. I explained that service was included. The Alpha-Mum agreed that service was included but the RIGHT answer was £48. It didn't help that at that point I got a fit of the giggles.

I was just going along for the ride now and duly shelled out my £48 just to see what would happen. The restaurant owner came out and objected that we'd left too much money. Alpha-Mum looked huffy. One Mum who happened to be jewish objected and said she'd like to pay for what she'd had to eat. Cue a massive argy-bargy. A couple of regrettable anti-semitic comments were made. On the way out, Alpha Mum said - and I am not joking - "Can't stand them - they're so stingy"

it was my last school Mums night out. Over the years I made many school Mum friends and we're still friends now. But organised school Mums nights out at primary school? Count me out.

I don’t think that can be topped cannot,a legalese letter about your omnipotent presence
Simply incredulous

First week at new school I met a mum who asked me what my husband did for a living then I met a mum wit a baby in the push chair. The second one became my best friend. We've had thirty years of a wonderful friendship and our six boys are still friends. I'm surrogate granny and sometimes help out with childcare to the one that was in the push chair who has two little boys of his own now.

Don't be put off you can make wonderful friends too.

Thesearepearls what a peculiar story,esp the obnoxious antisemetic comments
I went on a meal,fixed price service inc.£25 a head. Bill arrived,£25pp
Queen of PTA demanded £30pp.Cue folks duly paying her, I gave her £25 she flipped out, demanding its £30
Queen PTA Started saying she wanted £30 each, in cash and she’d pop the bill on her card,
so I’m thinking that is making a tidy profit. I have no idea if that was intentional
Upshot was I said I was going to loo, swung by the till paid my £25 got receipt too
Truly bizarre experience

Schoolgate mums are only part of your life for a brief period (unless you have several children, several years apart) so I would just be superficially friendly but not get too involved with the drama of it all.
There are gossipy people in all walks of life, and they are best avoided.

I’ve worked in high pressure environments but nothing comapares tk schoolgate
School gate would make orla guerin a jibbering wreck

I think I must be unusually boring.

Have met some really nice friends at school events/ pickup/ dropoff. Obviously some nightmare ones but you just avoid them, surely?
No need for high drama. Talk to people who seem nice, give what you can in terms of time to PTA stuff, dodge the alpha males/ females, job done.

give what you can in terms of time to PTA stuff That’s a definite no

Ok, don't help out or support events then. Your lookout. But t's nice to be nice and all that. Hope your children aren't benefitting from any of the pta fundraising pp
I don't get why there has to be this black and white choice between total avoidance of anything school-related or having life taken over by school-related guff. For me (and almost everyone I know) the middle way works fine.

Pta benefits from parents like me turning up to fair buying depth charge cake and tat
It’s parents giving their kids money to spend,and parents spending that raise the money
And let’s face it it’s not altruistic act,pta habitually bang in his selfless they are
I’m not compelled or oblige to participate in PTA events and I don’t.ever

I have a few friends from the school gates and I consider them proper friends I still see them now however I did witness this sort of behaviour with other women.

I don't know why but it's one of the reasons I didn't send my daughter to go school!

A girls school