According to teenage DS I am....

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Ds (14) has been invited to a female friends house party tonight. He is adamant he doesn't need to take a card or a gift and I am massively unreasonable for insisting he walks down to the local shop to get a card and then stick a fiver in it.

I think it's rude to turn up with nothing, he thinks I am wrong and is now being stroppy and saying he won't go. AIBU or should I just let him go as he wants with nothing?

Is it her birthday? If not YABU.

Is it her birthday? If it's a straightforward party then maybe (soft) drinks would be appropriate.

Let him go without a present and learn his lesson. Especialky if you have to give him the fiver. He may just take the fiver out for himself.

YABU. He's 14 not 4. You've suggested it, he's said no. Leave him to it.

I wouldn’t have taken a present for a teenage house party... I don’t remember anyone ever taking a present/card...

Is it for an occasion, or just a party?

Tell him to take snacks. That way he hasn't turned up empty handed, but isn't being 'uncool.'

If everyone else has taken a card and gift he can drop something off the next day.

YABU unless it's her birthday it's not done to take a present to teenage house parties. To be fair even if it is your birthday most teenagers didn't used to bring cards or gifts.

Oh sorry yes it's her birthday party.

I think he's probably a bit embarrassed to hand her a card etc and he can't be bothered to walk to the shop.

If it's not the "done thing" to take a gift to a teenage party I won't push it but it feels rude and inconsiderate for him to go empty handed.

Awww it is her birthday then in that case yes it would be nice to bring a card and fiver.

Tbh... I’m not sure what a 14 year old would do with a fiver anyway 😬 I’d rather go empty handed..

I’d leave the decision up to him..

YABU - he's not at primary school. You shouldn't be issuing ultimatums about things like that. Teenagers generally don't bother about taking cards/ gifts to house parties.

For a birthday I'd say it is inconsiderate but as per my previous post, he's 14. It reflects on him, not you. If anyone is BU it's on him. Leave him to it and enjoy the rest of your day.

I bet almost everyone else will take a card at least. If he's adamant he isn't taking a card I would suggest he takes some Doritos/dip, popcorn and chocolate instead.

Last week similar situation - DS bought a Thomas the Tank Engine '1 today' card and a squishy Thomas for her - from the supermarket. Something silly may make them all smile - but if he doesn't want to...

Let him go, you may be right or wrong but if you're right then he'll be a bit embarrassed and learn his lesson.

If he does get a card, don't put a fiver in it. That would be embarrassing.

Oh god a fiver? No! Just no! That would be an embarrassment.

None of mine ever took gifts to friends house parties. They were mass meet ups where they stole some alcohol and got tipsy.

I wouldn’t push it if he doesn’t want to. I’ve given up trying to understand the teenage brain.

What's wrong with a fiver?! She's not a close friend so I thought a token gift would be fine, can't see what's so embarrassing about that.....

Ok I've told him he can make the decision, I just feel he's not the most considerate of others sometimes and maybe needed a bit of guidance as to what was appropriate but I'll stop interfering 😬

he thinks I am wrong and is now being stroppy and saying he won't go

Let him miss the party, text her parents and say that your son can no longer go and apologise on his before. He'll learn

^ his behalf. Stupid autocorrect.

oh dear, i've had this too with teenage dc - doesn't seem the "done"thing any more to give presents unless they're a really close friend. And cards seem to have been replaced by facebook greetings! Now eldest DS is past teenage years, cards and presents for friends seem to be back "in" again. It's hard, but I think you have to leave your DS to his own decision -it will either be the "right"thing, or he will maybe learn his lesson for next time...

I put a tenner in the token friends of my ten year olds cards...

At fourteen it’d be closer to £20 if anything... but I don’t think presents are a thing except for between best friends at that age. Could be wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

Op I’m only 20 and did my fair share of house parties when I was 14, no one took a card or presents.

Give him a bottle of coke and some crisps, and if when he gets there everybody else has handed over presents/cards he can do the 'oh bugger I've left the card and present at home' I'll drop it in tomorrow.