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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours in garden.

76 replies

KindergartenKop · 21/07/2018 10:57

We live in a semi detached house with a small garden in London. It's hot so we've been sleeping with the windows open. Next door but one is a student house. Last night and at least once this week they've been out in the garden talking and woken us up. This has been after 10:30pm because that's when we go to bed and we definitely have been woken from sleep rather than not able to get to sleep.
Aibu to have a chat with them? Fwiw I don't let my kids play in the garden until 9am so as not to wake child free neighbours, I feel they are not being considerate of our sleep.

OP posts:
Lucisky · 21/07/2018 11:03

Stick your head out of the window and say loudly "Oy, can you keep the noise down please, people trying to sleep here". It's worked for me.

PolkaHots · 21/07/2018 11:06

I think 9 is pretty early to be woken by kids. If I were a student I would be pretty unhappy with that. I would also consider 10.30 to be not that late.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 21/07/2018 11:10

If they’re just talking and not actually partying, you’ll probably have to suck it up as a natural consequence of tiny London gardens.

Mine is similar, but in this heat people are entitled to stay outside as late as they like in the evening once they’re not causing a riot.

BMW6 · 21/07/2018 11:10

Do go round and speak politely to them. Ask for consideration.
If you get an unsatisfactory or rude response start knocking on their door at 7am every day.........

NewYearNewMe18 · 21/07/2018 11:11

10.30 isn't that late - you said talking - not partying or shouting - I don't think you really can say anything about general conversation on a light, warm summers evening.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/07/2018 11:12

you can always politely have a word- if they are just talking I don’t think they are out of line but they might be receptive

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 21/07/2018 11:13

I remember politely being told to be quiet at around 9pm when I was a student chatting with my mates in my garden. (The neighbours had kids trying to sleep and it was a hot day). I had no problem with it and just went inside.

pigsDOfly · 21/07/2018 11:15

I think you're being a bit optimistic to expect people to respect the fact that you go to bed at 10.30 and expect everyone around you to be quiet from then on.

Excess noise is generally considered unreasonable after 11.00pm and I'm not sure talking in one's garden would be considered excess.

If all they're doing is talking in a reasonable way, then I think yabu.

highinthesky · 21/07/2018 11:29

You both have a valid point of view, but basic lifestyle incompatibility issues.

YANBU to have a chat with them, but understand that they need to be motivated to change their chilled out way of life. Especially knowing that the kids will be off for 6 weeks.

colditz · 21/07/2018 11:32

It's not normal to go to bed at 1.30 on a Friday night. YABU to expect the neighbours to consider this.

colditz · 21/07/2018 11:32

ffs 10.30 not 1.30

KC225 · 21/07/2018 11:32

Sound does travel weirdly. Ordinary conversations can sound really loud. 10.30 isn't late but perhaps you can have a nice word to alert them you can hear what they are saying was opposed to complaining.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 21/07/2018 11:35

If they are being raucous and playing loud music, you can ask them to turn it down. But if they are just talking in their own back yard at 10:30pm (which is hardly late) then they are not at fault.

Do you have a fan you could leave on in your room? They blot out other sounds very effectively.

Witchend · 21/07/2018 11:47

I'd rather have people talking at 10:30 or even 11:30 at night that children playing at 9am.

I don't think you can complain about general talking-playing music yes, but not talking.

SimonBridges · 21/07/2018 11:50

I agree with next time stick your head out of the window and ask them to keep it down.

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 21/07/2018 11:55

We sometimes do tell them to be quiet.
The noise isn't at 10 30, it's later than that because it's actually waking us up.
My DH has weird anxiety about people being inconsiderate and gets really wound up about it and so can't settle. Then he's a pain in the arse the next day because he's not got enough sleep. It's partly a neighbour problem and partly a DH problem! Any ideas for dealing with the DH? He's on medication for anxiety.

OP posts:
LIZS · 21/07/2018 11:57

Unless they are partying loudly into the small hours with heavy music etc yabu. Students don't start their evenings until after 9!

Butterflykissess · 21/07/2018 12:00

Yabu! I would much rather that than kids in the garden at 9am tbh.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 21/07/2018 12:01

But you can’t ask them to keep it down when they’re just talking, that’s completely unreasonable. Either shut your window (and I know you probably can’t in this heat) or accept that they have the right to live their lives as they choose on their own property; both inside and out.
They’re probably not too charmed at the sound of your kids playing, either.

ICanOnlyLaugh · 21/07/2018 12:02

I also get wound up about people being rude/inconsiderate, which is unfortunately for me completely my problem and not that of the ‘offenders’!

My advice for your DH would be to reframe their behaviour in his mind. It sounds like you see a deal being in place: we’re considerate, you should be too! But they’re not failing to keep their side of the bargain, they’re simply completely unaware of it.

My suggestion would be to reframe it as: this is a crazy heatwave, all bets are off and we all have to get through it as best we can/make the most of this very rare weather. So he needs to view it not as rudeness but as strange situation, strange times(!) Could you leave a fan running or something else for white noise that might help to block sounds?

Lookingforadvice123 · 21/07/2018 12:04

Sorry YABU, if they’re just talking, not blasting bass music, I would suck it up. I suggest ear plugs or a fan to drown it out? My neighbours often garden in the front garden late at night, right outside my bedroom window. It’s a bit annoying but they’re well within their right to!

CrazyOldBagLady · 21/07/2018 12:08

I think trying to prevent your neighbours from using their garden at 10:30 on a Friday night is a bit unreasonable really. For the sake of good relations can you first try using ear plugs or earphones with an audio book or the radio playing?

CandleWithHair · 21/07/2018 12:13

I go to bed early too and have chatty neighbours. Just get some good quality earplugs OP. You’ll forget they (both earplugs and neighbours) even exist - but make sure to set your alarm extra loud!

It’s perfectly acceptable for your neighbours to talk in their own garden. If it’s raucous then just have a word,

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 21/07/2018 12:13

TBH it doesn't bother me that much. They could be more considerate but I can deal with it. I'll suggest radio or something. I need to persuade him to suck it up a bit more.
Another one, AIBU to let kids in the garden at 9am?

OP posts:
mando12345 · 21/07/2018 12:17

I don't think you can really complain about chatting, unless it's regularly after midnight possibly.

Ideally get a fan or air con unit and shut the windows, problem solved.

We shut our best bedroom windows because of this and just sleep in the heat, we don't have a fan.