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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to change job and leave my current employer in s**t?

53 replies

mumknowsbest47 · 19/07/2018 18:21

I really need your opinion. Bit of a long winded history but here goes...
Two years ago I left a job I loved for more money. I needed to support my family and my employer back then couldn't increase my annual salary. I loved everything about it and it broke my heart to leave but I really needed to earn more money as a single parent. So I started a new job, which was completely different, with a higher salary so all good.

About 6 months ago old employer contacts me and offers me to go back with a promotion. Tore on my heart strings and I handed in my notice to go. Anyway, my current employer didn't want me to leave and changed my role, rearranged our team and gave me a BIG increase in salary. All happy so I tell old employer I will not be coming back after all even though it is my dream role, as I need to stay where the money is. Now six months down the line they have contacted me again and offered me more money than I could even dream about. It would be my dream job and I would be massively comfortable money wise and be able to give my family lots more, holidays etc.

So, if I accept the role, my current employer will be massively in the s**t! They restructured the team around me and made things happen to keep me. They will be completely short staffed and no one will know my role. I am a loyal person (don't mean to quote Georgia from Love Island!!) and I cannot bear the thought of letting them down. I do not even know how I would pluck up the courage to tell them.

However, we are talking serious money and a job I completely love.

What would you do? Stay put and be loyal and grateful that they helped me out and increased my salary 6 months ago or look after number one and my family and go back to the job I love with a HUGE salary which would give my family so much more - but be a complete cow!!!

Help and advice please x

OP posts:
Candyflip · 19/07/2018 18:24

If this has happened exactly how you have put it here, then why is this even a dilemma? I suspect there is more to it though.

DewDropsonKittens · 19/07/2018 18:25

Firstly... You're not loyal.

Secondly... You're obviously going to follow the cash so why are you asking here?

Kingsclerelass · 19/07/2018 18:29

I don’t think loyalty features here. Most companies make people redundant with impunity and in the end op must do the best for her family.
However, you can be professional, work your notice period, help your employer to find a replacement, do a great handover.
Explain that you will do all of these things when you resign.

IamSerena · 19/07/2018 18:31

Your priority is your family. If you want to do the right thing you should give plenty of notice to your current employer and help find your replacement.

UninspiringUserName · 19/07/2018 18:33

OP, both employers clearly value you so you're obviously very good at what you do. Don't feel bad about taking a position that you think you will love and will enable you to provide for your family. If your head and heart are both pointing in one direction, and it's just guilt stopping you resigning, then stop. This isn't personal, this about the best future for you and your family.

I say this as an employer. I would be gutted to see someone I really valued leave, but I can also see why they would. As others have said, be professional, don't be dragged into a salary battle or a 'but what if we gave you X or Y', say firmly that it's been a hard decision to make but your mind is made up and you'll do all in your power to make the transition as seamless as possible.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 19/07/2018 18:35

Go with the money. Loyalty counts for nothing tbh. Your current company will only be “loyal” to you as long as you are necessary. Who knows when that will cease to be the case or someone who isn’t willing to do your job for less comes along. Follow the money and stash it away for a big safety cushion.

TrippingTheVelvet · 19/07/2018 18:38

Go with the money to the employer you loved. If you died in the morning they'd get by.

Anniegetyourgun · 19/07/2018 18:40

I'm interested in how the original employer suddenly managed to find a large amount of money when they couldn't keep you before. You may have loved the job but I wonder whether they are to be trusted. Might this be for a new role which may turn out not to suit you nearly as well as the old one? Sometimes going back doesn't work (speaking from experience).

Your current employer clearly does value you, and is putting their genuine, proven money where their mouth is. So I'd think very carefully before making the jump. Be absolutely sure you know what you're jumping into. A bird in the hand is worth two in the wossname.

Disquieted1 · 19/07/2018 18:42

Never go back. It is always a mistake IME. You need to be powering on with life, not retreading old ground.

Cakepop9 · 19/07/2018 18:45

Look after number 1. But as others have said just be professional about it. They would make you redundant if they had too.

FullMetalRabbit · 19/07/2018 18:46

nobody is indispensable

AmazingPostVoices · 19/07/2018 18:48

You’ve already made your decision.

Make sure you do the best handover in the world.

LeaWings · 19/07/2018 18:48

I would always encourage you to do what you love, but just make sure you handle this in a professional manner and try to stay in the job this time for security. Like others have said, you’re only an asset to the company and you can be replaced

ForalltheSaints · 19/07/2018 18:48

I have known several people who have gone back and regretted it. Have you thought about pension provision and any other benefits?

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 19/07/2018 18:49

Your current company will only be “loyal” to you as long as you are necessary.

They would make you redundant if they had too.

I always remind myself of this when I start feeling guilty about doing the best thing for me, not my employer.

Whatsnewwithyou · 19/07/2018 19:01

Go with the money, loyalty to a company over your family and financial future would be misplaced.

bettybyebye · 19/07/2018 19:04

I’d go for the job you love to be honest. Yes you might feel a bit bad for your current employer but that’s business. If the tables were turned i’m sure that they wouldn’t think twice about getting rid of staff if they needed to.

GirlsBlouse17 · 19/07/2018 19:11

Could you offer a longer notice period for your current job so at least there is a decent amount of time to sort out a replacement and give a decent handover?

ThisIsntMeHonestGuv · 19/07/2018 19:19

Be honest with yourself. You are only loyal till money talks. I'm not saying that's a negative, it's just a fact and totally reasonable.

You left the last job because you could earn more elsewhere.

You are doing the same again.

Your old job coped without you. Your current job will too.

Do what you want to do. You don't want to live with the regret of holding yourself back on some misplaced sense of false loyalty that wouldn't be reciprocated.

Knitjob · 19/07/2018 19:26

I'm interested in how the original employer suddenly managed to find a large amount of money when they couldn't keep you before

I thought this too. Are you sure this new mega-salary is sustainable?

oblada · 19/07/2018 19:44

I'd be seriously suspicious as to how the old employer managed to get their hands on so much cash suddenly. Don't forget you can easily be dismissed when under 2yrs service. They could bring you back in, realise it's not sustainable and sack you. I also would never want to go back to the job, it just would not sit right.

emmyrose2000 · 20/07/2018 07:21

Add me to the voices wondering how company one has suddenly gone from not being able to increase your pay previously to know being able to offer you an unbelievable salary. That would make me very wary.

Could you talk to your current employer and discuss whether they could match the new offer from your old employer?

emmyrose2000 · 20/07/2018 07:22

*now, now know!

Cath2907 · 20/07/2018 07:25

There is no loyalty in business! They’d make you redundant in a heartbeat. I worked for my old firm for 14 years and I got no more notice or support when they made me redundant than someone who’d been there 14 weeks!

Take the job you want.

nightwispa · 20/07/2018 07:33

The only person/people you should be loyal to is yourself and your family. Work/jobs come and go. Follow your instincts and do what's right for you.