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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to change job and leave my current employer in s**t?

53 replies

mumknowsbest47 · 19/07/2018 18:21

I really need your opinion. Bit of a long winded history but here goes...
Two years ago I left a job I loved for more money. I needed to support my family and my employer back then couldn't increase my annual salary. I loved everything about it and it broke my heart to leave but I really needed to earn more money as a single parent. So I started a new job, which was completely different, with a higher salary so all good.

About 6 months ago old employer contacts me and offers me to go back with a promotion. Tore on my heart strings and I handed in my notice to go. Anyway, my current employer didn't want me to leave and changed my role, rearranged our team and gave me a BIG increase in salary. All happy so I tell old employer I will not be coming back after all even though it is my dream role, as I need to stay where the money is. Now six months down the line they have contacted me again and offered me more money than I could even dream about. It would be my dream job and I would be massively comfortable money wise and be able to give my family lots more, holidays etc.

So, if I accept the role, my current employer will be massively in the s**t! They restructured the team around me and made things happen to keep me. They will be completely short staffed and no one will know my role. I am a loyal person (don't mean to quote Georgia from Love Island!!) and I cannot bear the thought of letting them down. I do not even know how I would pluck up the courage to tell them.

However, we are talking serious money and a job I completely love.

What would you do? Stay put and be loyal and grateful that they helped me out and increased my salary 6 months ago or look after number one and my family and go back to the job I love with a HUGE salary which would give my family so much more - but be a complete cow!!!

Help and advice please x

OP posts:

greendale17 · 20/07/2018 07:53

Firstly... You're not loyal.

^Completey agree. Also why didn’t your company offer you the big pay rise when you told them you were leaving? And now 6 months later they offer you more money? Something doesn’t add up there.

I wouldn’t go back and work for an old employer

notme999 · 20/07/2018 07:57

Don't feel guilty. Follow the money. You need it for your family. The current company probably will be a bit pissed off but I'm sure they will get over it. Perhaps you could extend your notice if you really really wanted to so that you can help the new person train?

BrownTurkey · 20/07/2018 08:11

Take the personal relationships out of it. You’re entitled to leave. You want the new job. Its in yours and your families best interests. You’re taking some flak for some reason, but how many men would turn down a big pay offer in a job they want? ‘They made me an offer I can’t refuse and this time I am going to go, my mind is made up’. The only thing I would consider as a possible problem is will it damage your reputation in the industry - however I think it would likely make you look very employable, being sought out like this. Congratulations.

Original poster

mumknowsbest47 · 20/07/2018 08:33

Ok so here is how they can come up with more money all of a sudden!

What is a massive amount to me will obviously not be massive to everyone. It just makes a whole difference to our lifestyle.

When I was at my old company i was doing a different job and at the highest salary for that bracket. However I also took on extra work and did a lot for the current boss - for no financial reward other than I enjoyed it. The company now want me to come back and oversee the department, which is what I was doing unofficially and not getting paid for. So they have not just conjured up money, it would be with a promotion and a different salary bracket. The job they have offered me was not available when I was working there - hence why I had to leave to get a higher salary.

I am a single mum with 3 dc’s - One starting uni, one starting A levels and one still in high school. So any extra money is massive to me.

My heart wants the new job but I really cannot bear letting anyone down. Bit of a coward really I often stay put as it is the easy option!

OP posts:

WineAndTiramisu · 20/07/2018 08:39

Go for it! They'd make you redundant without much thought, go where your heart (and the money!) is

PullMyFingerPlease · 20/07/2018 08:46

If it’s the financial reward you need , talk to your current employer and be honest , they may match what you’ve been offered
If they can’t , you’ve given them the heads up and you can move on knowing that you’ve been fair

KidLorneRoll · 20/07/2018 08:51

Go for it. Your current place will cope - you have a notice period, surely? You do a handover and everyone gets on with their lives. Nobody is dispensable.

TorviBrightspear · 20/07/2018 08:58

With that update, I'd go for it.

Loopytiles · 20/07/2018 09:02

It’s odd to talk about your current employer being “in the shit” and “letting them down”. You have over 2 years service with your current employer and would presumably work your notice period, and they would simply give your job to someone else.

Loopytiles · 20/07/2018 09:09

risks of moving include that you won’t have many employment rights for two years, wouldn’t get redundancy pay; and that given your earlier near decision to leave and this time your current employer may not employ you again in future, should you be looking.

Sonders · 20/07/2018 09:16

It sounds daft but you're anthropomorphising the company you work for. A company has no feelings, it's not a human with a heart or mind. Sure, your colleagues but be sad to leave you but that's it. Things move on.

You have a chance to be really, truly happy - don't throw it away because of feelings attached to a non-feeling entity!

Uncreative · 20/07/2018 09:17

Your contract will have a notice period. That notice period is decided by the company based on how long they think a handover will take, or recruitment for a replacement etc.

You can be loyal to people. You cannot be loyal to a company, you can, however, be professional.

Work your notice, do an awesome handover, move to the next job.

Emmageddon · 20/07/2018 09:18

Personally I'd NEVER go back to an old job. There's always been a good reason why I've moved on. But working for the NHS means it's never been about the money for me, more about personal fulfilment and satisfaction.

However, if your former job is your dream job, go back. As others have said, your current employer will make you redundant in a heartbeat if they need to. Go with what's right for you and your family.

Thisnamechanger · 20/07/2018 09:19

Dream job and pots of money? Go, OP, go! Why are you even asking??

missbattenburg · 20/07/2018 09:21

It's a business deal, not a relationship. Go with the company that offers you the best deal - which doesn't JUST mean money but it is usually an important factor.

HenriettaArabella · 20/07/2018 09:24

I am confused as to how your old company suddenly found the money..... unless there was a change in policy etc around remuneration or recruitment.

If this really is your dream job, I would go for it. Work your notice and make it as easy as possible for the company you are in now to transition to someone else

Uncreative · 20/07/2018 09:28

Forgot to mention - it is very common for people who have been offered a new job but have been persuaded to stay in the old job to move on with the next 12 months. It usually takes more than just money to make someone stay.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 20/07/2018 09:31

If you were a man you wouldn't even have to ask the question, you'd take the job. Loyalty should be to your own family.

As PPs have said, they'd make you redundant if they needed to. They're paying you to do a job, it's a financial transaction not a deal between friends. You definitely don't need to be grateful to them for paying you what you're worth (although now that worth has increased). If they won't offer more funds (which they could choose to do) that's their problem.

thethoughtfox · 20/07/2018 09:35

As soon as your current company don't need you any more they will cut you and not give a second thought to all the work you have done for them or the sacrifices you have made. This is business: make the right decision for you and your family but work out ways to ease the transition for your current employer perhaps with longer notice period.

DinosApple · 20/07/2018 09:36

Actually as an employer myself I think it's to your credit that you are considering how leaving will effect your current employer. It doesn't mean you can't leave though.

If you are owed holiday and decide to leave, take it before you hand your notice in. Or they may pay you off for it. At least that way you'll have your full month and actually be at work to do the handover.

Recruiting the right people is so, so hard.

toomanycompartments · 20/07/2018 09:39

Neither company is doing this because they like you, that's a fringe benefit at best, they're doing it because you're obviously good at your job. Always put family first.

Ignore the people saying you're not loyal, i do think it's awkward personally when you like people but being able to do more for your family always has to come first.

Backstabbath · 20/07/2018 09:46

Go back to the old job but help find a replacement, work hard during your notice period and help train someone up to replace you. That'll be professional

Pettyspaghetti · 20/07/2018 10:16

I personally think it’s great news for you OP! You clearly loved your old job, and with a promotion and pay rise it sounds perfect! Everyone is replaceable, your current employer will be absolutely fine. Just think of it as by the time Christmas is here, everything will have blown over. Go for it! And congratulations!

UneMoonit · 20/07/2018 10:35

YANBU

Loyalty to companies is a concept that mostly exists in your own head - a company is not a moral entity like a person, it is an amoral thing meant to grow and make money, and will shit on you or crush you in a heartbeat should it seem pragmatic to do so.

A company is not loyal to you. It doesn't lose sleep over your fate. It will adapt to you leaving or it won't. Look out for your family and your happiness.

DancingHipposOnAcid · 20/07/2018 10:43

Do what suits you best and take the new dream job.

Believe me, employers are not loyal. They do what suits their business best. At the moment restructuring your team in the way they did suits their business aims better. They will definitely not have done it just to please you. It just happened to suit you as well at the time. If in the future this business model doesn't suit their business they will not think twice about changing it and getting rid of you if that is necessary.

It's not personal, it's business. You should run your career in the same way or you will become bitter when an employer does the above to you. No employee is irreplaceable.

As a PP had said, be professional and work your full notice, help find a replacement and do a good handover. But you must put what is best for you and your family first.

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