To ask what time your 7YO goes to bed?

[shoelaces]

Just that really.

I want him up by 7.30am but it's just not working for us right now, and hasn't for a long time.

What time do they go to bed? And what time do they wake up?

Do you let them read in bed by themselves after stories, or is it a strict lights out?

We currently stay in his room until he falls asleep, he gets very upset at the suggestion of leaving him to get to sleep by himself. He is not falling asleep until 9pm - 10pm. We have bath at 7pm, then reading and lights out at 8.20pm as a strict lights out, no exceptions.

Please help me work out how to do this differently so that DH and I actually have some time together in the evenings before falling asleep!

Mack. Yes, sometimes they will stay awake to watch a film in bed but mostly as soon as they go to bed they fall asleep, they’re also pretty hard to wake up.

It’s worried me before but HV and Drs don’t seem worried about it . The older one has suspected ASD (as do I) Him and I tend to be restless a bit while we sleep, so quality of sleep might contribute there.

I don wonder though whether to come extent the anxiety has developed because the parent, by not frog marching back to bed or similar, subconsciously plants the seed that the child has something to be worried about falling asleep alone. Whereas if dismissed as not going to happen from a much younger age, the child accepts that it’s nothing to be anxious about because parent isn’t remotely indulging the anxiety.

Nope I disagree. One of my DC has problems going to sleep - he is very anxious and always has been. The other one goes to sleep fine. He is incredibly laid back. We've treated them the same.

Oh and the one who is worried also struggled when sharing a bedroom with his brother so never alone (until 3 weeks ago when we moved) but also struggles to go to sleep if he's in with me. He just hates sleeping.

DD is 6.5. In bed for 7.30/45, has a story or a couple of chapters of a story and I sing a song to her. She turns over and sleeps. She wakes up no later than 6am without fail, sometimes earlier though.

She has never been cuddled to sleep, even as a baby though. From about 4 months I just sat next to her cot and sang/said goodnight then left.

Has your son always wanted to have you near him to sleep? Can you stay upstairs for a bit as a compromise? Like say 'You have to go to sleep now, but I'm just popping in the shower for 10 mins' so he has the comfort of you near?

Also i saw another user mention if they came out of the room after you left, 'frogmarch back , rinse, repeat'. I use this tactic too on the rare occasion DD has done this, although she hasn't done it for a while. She gets bored eventually. (Think Supernanny does this too)

Also saw another poster mention consequences I.E if you get out of bed, you wont be going swimming tomorrow because you need to be wide awake and alert. I will follow through with that too, so she doesn't mess about.

Fair enough, Schroedingers - I was just jealous My children are exactly the same age as yours and our lights out is more like 8.30 (we aim for 8 but usually fail). They do get up at 7 on school days, though.

DSS who is 11 did similar when he was getting used to new living arrangements. It has taken the best part of 18 months on and off and his dad has dealt with it really well by going and checking on him a few times a night rather than sitting with him for hours. I'd say address it now if you can otherwise it will carry on. Just gradually withdraw and say you'll be up to check every ten mins or whatever and over a week or so increase the time between checks. It took longer here as he is only here eow. I imagine it will improve quicker if you are able to do it every night. Good luck.

My 6 and 7 year old go to bed between 7:30 and 8. 7 year old wakes around 6:30/7 he waits for the grow clock if he is awake before 7, 6 year old wakes around 7:30 later on weekends.
They get story, cuddles and kisses, and a bit of chat with me or DH then that's it. They can play quietly, read or listen to a CD but it doesn't usually take them long to drop off.

On another note my son is 8 and is awake by 5.30 every day. I've literally never had to wake him up ever. He goes to bed at 7.15ish and reads for a while and then is out like a light. He could be awake until 9 and still be up early. Believe me I've tried!

DD7 bed 8pm then she reads til she drops off, usually she's sleeping by 9, then she gets up at 6.15am (for my work, she'd sleep all day if she could).

Weekend I don't really have a set bedtime, she'll usually watch what i'm watching or youtube then take herself off to bed when she's tired (or I go!).

Itchybitchy that is exactly the same as us. Never ever had to wake DD up. Actually no, I lie. She once lay in til 9 after a wedding where she was up til 11pm dancing. That's it in a whole 6.5 years!

Nearly 7yo in bed by 7pm and asleep by 7.30pm. Same as the 4yo, who needs less sleep tbh. It was 6.30 until.recently but is naturally getting later. Up 6.30am no.matter what time they go to bed.

Laddo has lights out at 6.45pm, and he gets up at 7am.

Itchy and poop my now 11 year old has always been my best sleeper through the night since babyhood (unlike his siblings) but woke up at 5am every day of his life til he was 10. He's still up by 7am and we have to have a rule at weekends that nobody gets out of bed except for the toilet before 7am. He only slept in once, about 3 months ago, after a school residential on which he apparently didn't sleep at all for 3 nights (I'm sure he must have a bit!). The day after that I kept him off school because it's so out of character not to spring awake at 6am, and he slept til 3pm came downstairs and ate and drank his bodyweight, went back to bed and slept til 6am next morning and was back to normal.

Part of the reason I have been reluctant to have another. Her sleep has been great all her life. However we do have our fair share as she has an 'excitable' personality to say the least. So while she has slept, I'm not sure we have had a great deal of rest at any other time! Ha ha

Mack School days mine go at 6 and watch a movie , usually asleep by 6:30 though. Need to have school nights earlier or they won’t wake up.

I’ve heard lots of people be jealous but tbh ours get exhausted really easily and it’s behaviour problems galore lol

My two were always in bed by 7 and usually asleep within 15 mins until the youngest developed sleepwalking and hallucination tendencies from about 7-10yrs. Since then he doesn't fall asleep easily but once he's asleep he stays asleep.

My tactic for bedtime was always in bed at 7, audio tape ( very low volume because then they have to be still and quiet to hear it) if wanted but they did not get out of bed. At all. I don't know what time they fell asleep,from about 8 upwards because I didn't check on them during the evening until I went to bed myself and they were always asleep by then. They always woke early, even if they went to bed late but then they were crabby too so it was always early bedtime.

IM(considerable)E a lot of children sleep badly because the parents facilitate it.

Nokidsere

If parents facilitate bad sleepers, how do you explain having one bad one and one good one?

I have no control over DS1's night terrors, nightmares and sleepwalking. As a baby he had such agitated sleep he would sleep crawl (I wish I was joking).

He is also scared in our flat in the daytime if he doesn't know where we are. He's naturally anxious. It's not as simple as telling him to stay in his room by himself. He won't. Not for anything.

Parents facilitate bad sleepers - that's utter bollocks. I put my child's needs first. He just so happens to have always been a poor sleeper. Very short naps as a baby and stopped naps completely at about 18months.

He's anxious. He's demanding all round. He has trouble winding down. He's a deep thinker. He asks questions like "what day was it when it was the first ever day on earth?" This is when he should be trying to sleep. "How many scientists are there in the world?" "When I was in your tummy, what did it smell like?" He's so active during the day, bed time is the only time he is still long enough to start thinking. This is why I'm asking for ideas of different bedtimes, I'm not asking anyone to judge me or tell me I'm doing something wrong.

nokidshere your "considerable" experience with 2 (two) children?

My first two were great sleepers (dc1 not as a baby but from 12 months on, dc2 was textbook from birth). They ate anything too, happily tried everything, loved most home cooked meals. Thought I had parenting small children cracked. Then I had dc3 who didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a stretch til he was 2.5 years old, took hours to fall asleep and climbed like a monkey long before he walked, climbing out of his cot in his grobag if I didn't sit by his cot holding his hand, would only stay asleep ling enough to get into a deep sleep if every part of his body was in contact with me, breastfed like a natural from the start but somehow wouldn't take to solids, still at 7 won't touch pasta, or rice, or soft fruit, or anything with the wrong texture...

If you don't know how long your children take to fall asleep you have no way of knowing even whether your own children have bad sleep habits, and the hallucinations and sleep walking don't suggest your method promotes sleep hygiene and nighttime inner calm...

5am get ups didn't put me off having another poop, he's my middle one :o Interupted nights with constant walking over a period of years are genuinely health destroying and mood altering for the adult dealing with it, but a solid nights sleep and a 5am wake up - meh, that's fine, just go to bed early!

Once they're 6+ there's no need to get up with them, and they follow rules about not disturbing anyone until 7am.

Upstairs for 7:15/7:30 lights out 8/8:15pm

Rarely up later than 6:15 and just a natural early riser, thankful he's happy with TV/iPad/drawing etc nowadays so I'm not up at dawn!

This

I don't agree that parents facilitate bad sleepers. I did absolutely naff all with my two boys and they've both been the sort who go to bed with little fuss since they were babies.

DH sleep walks, has night terrors and regular nightmares. He finds if difficult to switch off and sleep at times. I can't imagine how hard that must be for a child who doesn't have the understanding of an adult about what is happening to deal with that. I can still remember nightmares I had as a child over 30 years ago.

DD is 7 and she is usually asleep by 9pm. We usually lie with her until she falls asleep.