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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DP to stay home today?

98 replies

Brendatheblender · 19/07/2018 07:02

Been up since midnight with a bad case of D&V and a delightful UTI thrown in for good measure. Can’t keep water down and generally feel shit and want to rest.

I asked DP if he could stay home to look after DCs (2&3) and he said no, he needed to go into work. I stayed in bed for a few minutes longer and was called a fucking wanker and he stormed out shouting something about not taking me out for dinner this weekend as we had planned.

I get a sick bug about once and year and I’m always left to look after the DCs while DP goes to work. He has taken one day off to help me out in 3 years which was when I had a migraine and couldn’t actually stand up. So it’s not like he has to do it a lot.

AIBU in feeling really pissed off about it? In fact I’ve told him not to bother coming home tonight as he’s really upset me with the lack of support and name calling.

OP posts:

ProperLavs · 19/07/2018 08:18

this is moving on quickly. OP I would really really examine the effects being with him has had on your mental health.
It would not be at all surprised if it improved dramatically should you be rid of him.

Scarlet3256 · 19/07/2018 08:22

Sorry you were detained under mental health act as a suicide risk only a couple of weeks ago? I would suspect that this is putting pressure not only on you but your partner as well. I would suggest that you seek outside help - such as your mother - to come and stay with you for awhile or at least visit routinely until you are well. And both you and your partner need to get some counselling. While your partner shouldn’t have reacted the way he did, I imagine that he’s struggling with what’s happened as well as the pressure of being the only wage earner. I think you do need to empathise a bit with his situation too - it’s pretty brutal out there in the world of work with lots of demands and stress and the consequences of suddenly losing your business or job can be devasting as it can be a VERY long time before you find alternative employment. That said there’s no excuse for him talking to you in that way particularly when you are vulnerable.

confusedmomm · 19/07/2018 08:28

Oh OP! Hope you feel better. He's being a twat, sorry! I suffer from the occasional migraine (they last up to 27 hours..) and if DH didn't stay home I wouldn't be able to even get out of bed into the light.
Whilst you've had your MH to deal with it doesn't sound as though he's been at all supportive. If it was only a couple of weeks ago he should be trying to help you and not huff and puff and call you stuff.
Go to your moms. Once he's out of the picture you will feel like a weight off your shoulders.

Original poster

Brendatheblender · 19/07/2018 08:28

Scarlet I do totally understand where you are coming from and I am fully aware of the pressure that he has been under because of it all. I have tried to make his life as easy as possible and have sort outside help for him so that he has support to (which he hasn’t taken up)

OP posts:

Bibesia · 19/07/2018 08:29

Men like him often use the threat of taking the kids to stop partners leaving. But the reality is that if he won't even look after them for one day when you are ill, he's clearly not going to want to look after them full time, let alone do all the washing and housework involved.

BrexitWife · 19/07/2018 08:30

I cant see where the issue is about the DP staying at home wo notice. That’s called parental leave and can be used by men/fathers too!

0hCrepe · 19/07/2018 08:31

He’s an utter wanker. He’s being extra wankish because he knows he could be flexible really.

motherlondon · 19/07/2018 08:34

I would bet my first born that your mental health improves once you're away from the prick.
I was 40 weeks pregnant and had a toddler when my ex husband told me that I was faking being sick, when I was on the bathroom floor with V and D.
We now have a happy life away from the arsehat.
Take care and have my first LTB.

Original poster

Brendatheblender · 19/07/2018 08:37

I am going to leave tomorrow.

OP posts:

Lotuslots · 19/07/2018 08:40

You deserve better. Never doubt that.

goingtotown · 19/07/2018 08:59

Apart from your DP being an arse, if I had D&V & UTI I wouldn’t be on MN.

kaytee87 · 19/07/2018 09:01

Why not? @goingtotown

NewYearNewMe18 · 19/07/2018 09:02

MindMyOwnBeesSlacks

I've never been on the Brexit thread.

And I am a woman. Sorry to disappoint laydees.

Hawkmoth · 19/07/2018 09:07

I think it would be a good idea to go to the GP today for the UTI and fill her in one what's been going on and all the terrible threats he's making.

MindMyOwnBeesSlacks · 19/07/2018 10:21

Sure you have NewYearNewMe18, there's not just the one thread.

And you can do one with your "laydees" patronising bullshit.

manateeandcake · 19/07/2018 10:31

YANBU. He is a bully. No matter what stress he is or has been under, there's absolutely no excuse for what he's said.

My DH is not self-employed but has a certain amount of flexibility in his job. If I was that ill, I know he would rearrange or cancel anything he reasonably could in order to let me rest. It's basic decency.

Assburgers · 19/07/2018 17:09

If he really thought you aren’t capable of looking after kids if you left him, then he wouldn’t have left you with the kids today. He’s a dick, OP.

Hope you’re feeling better.

Raffles1981 · 19/07/2018 20:01

Sending positive thoughts and lots of strength OP. Don't let this bastard grind you down. He will try and use bullying tactics. Let the law take care of him. It's the best way to deal with emotional bullies xxx

confusedmomm · 21/07/2018 00:06

Hey @Brendatheblender what happened, did you leave? Are you ok?

Original poster

Brendatheblender · 21/07/2018 08:28

DP is at his parents for the time being, not sure where we go from here but time out is definitely needed.

I’m okay thank you, DS and DP have it now though so just waiting for DD now!

OP posts:

52FestiveRoad · 21/07/2018 09:12

Did your DP leave because you told him you wanted to separate? Or is it because he is now ill and wants his parents to run around after him?

Original poster

Brendatheblender · 21/07/2018 10:11

Because I wanted to separate.

OP posts:

bluemascara · 21/07/2018 10:34

Well done op... he sounds like an arse hole

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