To think men ignore pregnant women as a backlash

[Pratchet]

Against women's rights? I just read this www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5968747/Why-men-stopped-offering-pregnant-women-seat.html in the Daily Mail and I was thinking, how much you have to hate women to refuse to give a seat to someone eight months pregnant?
Men seem to have had an incredibly childish reaction to being obliged to treat us equally - which culminates in 'ner if you want equal rights I'm keeping my seat'. They seem to think they're some kind of victim, and making pregnant women stand up is their revenge.

I think the just fat / pregnant thing is why they introduced the “baby on board” badges. Also because of the first trimester being so grim for a lot of pregnant women.

Recently I saw a young woman who definitely did not look pregnant or disabled with a different badge saying something like “offer me a seat”. I assume she has an invisible condition which means she needs a seat. I thought that was a good idea too as she was seated and I was heavily pregnant. People might have wrongly expected her to give up her seat to me as it was standing room only. I got offered a seat by another woman, which was lovely as I was actually struggling a bit.

My anecdotal evidence was that men were far more likely to offer me a seat on the tube when I was pregnant and in fact these days if me and a man are heading to a seat at the same time I will often get offered it. Perhaps it’s because I’m quite small and they’re patronising fuckers? Who knows?

I remember a group of teenaged boys getting very aerated on my behalf because I was standing when heavily pregnant, shouting down the carriage (we were squashed by the doors) ‘why isn’t someone giving this lady a seat?!!’ and glaring at everyone. I was only going a couple of stops so I wasn’t bothered but it was very heartening, unlike some of the stories told here .

See your point but maternity rights were not because 'pregnancy is not an illness' but because we bear the world's reproductive labour while our brains still work the same.

Well, indeed.

I'm now very visibly pregnant and haven't had any issues on the train or tube (not in London) that I use most days. People generally stand, or will move out of the priority seats so I don't have to lumber down to the middle of the carriage. I had a nice chat on the tube with a middle aged man who stood for me the other day, he gave me some good advice on slings! Maybe I've just got lucky but I think rude people are just rude regardless of age or sex.

The only time I've had an issue was when I was trying to travel to work during a local music festival and there were a lot of very drunk people sprawled all over the seats. Who flatly refused to stand despite being asked. There was an elderly chap with a walking frame that they ignored too though

Im getting a bit out of sync with my responses!

a group of teenaged boys getting very aerated on my behalf because I was standing when heavily pregnant, shouting down the carriage (we were squashed by the doors) ‘why isn’t someone giving this lady a seat?!!

I adore this story!

They were fab! Bless their hearts, they were so outraged.

I agree. I just ask them to move. I don’t care if I sound rude or obnoxious, I feel tired and sick and if they don’t want me to throw up on them they can give me a seat.
Perhaps it's attitudes like this ^^ that result in people not offering their seats? Who are you more likely to offer a seat to - someone who asks politely if there's anyone who could offer their seat or someone who practically demands that an individual move?

I don't think you have to hate women not to offer your seat to a pregnant woman .

I'm sure there was an advert at some point, that just said something along the lines of "Please offer seats to those who are less able to stand." Which I think is a very good premise. So if you're older, or on crutches, or carrying a baby, or pregnant, or for whatever reason a bit more vulnerable, you should be offered a seat by someone who is less so. It's just common courtesy.

Refusing to stand for a pregnant woman is just being a twat.

Men are perfectly within their rights to withdraw the privilege of women having first refusal on seats if they believe in sex equality, but conditions that make it uncomfortable to stand? Stupid.

FWIW my experience has been the opposite of that article. In real life a lot of people positively leap out of their seats, both men and women.

Please offer seats to those who are less able to stand.

That’s the best way of wording it and covers everyone from visible to invisible.

Perhaps it's attitudes like this ^^ that result in people not offering their seats?

Enjoy the vomit show then. I’m too busy trying to not pass out to worry if I offend someone by saying “I’m pregnant can I sit in that priority seat?”

I do remember snapping at about 8 months pregnant at some men who were hovering by the tube doors. I was the size of a house and trying to get off the train and they just stood there in my way expecting me to sort of wriggle and squeeze past, despite the fact that I'd already said excuse me. As you only have about 45 secs to get off the train, I eventually said to them "Well i can't fucking suck it in can I?!" And one of them finally moved.

I don't think I ever didn't get offered a seat when commuting pregnant, mostly men too. Not London though so not the area being studied here.

I think as women we should make sure we stand to let other pregnant women sit down , I don’t think we can expect men to always do this . I don’t know how they could do it and sit there planted to their seats but the onus is on us to treat other pregnant women well too .

Yes of course people should offer seats to those less able to stand. Those less able to stand can do things to make life easier too (tube maybe not so much). Get to train early rather than jumping aboard at the last minute - ask your boss to make reasonable adaptations if necessary to ensure you are on the platform in goodtime. I prefer to wait for the next train and get a seat than squashing in and standing for an hour. I make sure I know what platform the train is leaving from and get to gate very early to ensure a seat. On non commuter trains you reserve seats anyway.
The issue is I think, very Desmond Morris based psychology. Men are genetically programmed to identify potential breeding partners - younger, non pregnant, physically fit women. The pregnant, more mature and less able bodied women become almost invisible as an evolutionary advantage. Men have to be taught to overcome this instinct and be trained to notice. They’ve had mixed messages over the past few decades and must feel they can do no right. It is the parents responsibility to train children to see and think about the needs of others instead of raising ego centric ‘ they’re only young” “why should a child have less rights” entitled offspring.

I do always ask people to move their bags on public transport so that I can sit, and I check if there is anyone less able to stand that needs it first before I sit. That is one thing that I really resent.

However the studied way the person with the bag stares out of the window or at the floor does make me smile. ‘Oh I didn’t notice’- yeah right!

It's nice being offered a seat, but you are pregnant not disabled or elderley. I was relaying all the floors in my house on my own at 8 and a half months pregnant with severe spd and did it in a week. But standing up for your commute is too much? Get a grip.

This has nothing to do with being a woman, and everything to do with having a need. Being pregnant means you (may probably) have the need (and right) for a seat. Having travelled into London and then on the tube every working day for the last decade, I've not once seen a situation where a pregnant woman wasn't immediately offered a seat (if it was clear, big bump or badge). I genuinely live in with a low level constant fear on the tube of not noticing a pregnant woman (person with a broken leg, elderly etc) and not offering up my seat.

Oh alpha you're so cooool
I had two miscarriages before a pregnancy that stuck and was vomiting for six months
Sorry to be so uncoooool

If I get a seat on the tube it’s such a treat to be able to read and relax that I don’t notice who is around me. I know the length of my journey do don’t need to look up tillyhe stop before mine.
I did give up my seat last time I got one but that’s cause it was an end seat and the pregnant woman was standing right by me and I could stare at her stomach discreetly long enough to decide it was a bump not bloating.

@AlphaBravo
What a horrible, narrow minded post!

The reason why the disabled or elderly are prioritised for seating on public transport is because they could find standing more difficult. The same logic could be applied to pregnant women so why can't they be prioritised too or should they not be afforded the same courtesy and be forced to struggle to stand? What exactly does this achieve other than make life even more unpleasant for a group of women that could be having a very difficult time? Seems incredibly mean spirited and unkind to me...

I never quite understand how people can be so blinkered to feel that because their pregnancy was fine, everyone's was!

Is it so hard to understand that pregnancy may leave some women less able to stand? Like, you genuinely can't see how that might be a possibility??

My first trimester, I was knackered, but I never got morning sickness. It would be like me saying, "I never got sick, I don't see why my friend should have been allowed time during the work day to go and throw up in the toilets. She should just not have thrown up."

I think London is a bit of a weird place so you can't judge the attitudes of everyone bases on how people in London behave. London transport makes people rude, aggressive and selfish. People who I am sure are actually very nice. When I left I realised how highly strung I had been for the last 3 years.

I do think people have misunderstood equality. Equality is about lifting up the disadvantaged so they are on an equal playing field to the most advantaged. Not treating everyone the same. So for a woman to be equal to a man she needs special treatment and extra consideration to make up for the things that hold her back or impact her - like pregnancy/maternity leave.