I have two children. DS is 3 and has always gone to sleep on his own, very easily. He does not need a cuddly toy and is happy to sleep in the dark. I put him in his cot and either he goes to sleep within minutes or songs to himself until he falls asleep. I don't stay more than a few seconds to draw curtains, kiss him night-night and leave. He's the perfect sleeper.
My DD is 5yo and has never gone to sleep on her own. At the minute I sit on the bed until she falls asleep, she has a night light, two cuddly toys and a glo clock. Instead of reducing the time I spend for bedtime routine, somehow it's getting longer. It can easily take me 30-60minutes between reading with her a book or two (she's a slow reader, as she has just learnt to read this year), and then she might not want to close her eyes and try to sleep, looking at me until her eyes just close up. She cry in hysterics if I leave before she falls asleep, or if I say I'm not staying. Sudden high pitch, red face and really inconsolable cry. If I just sit there with her, all is well. If I leave, I need to wait until she's sleepy and say that I'm going to the bathroom, hoping she falls asleep.
The thing is, I know this is far from ideal, but I think it's temporary and she's only 5. The fact that her younger brother is such a great sleeper does not mean she has to be sleep trained. We are very lucky with the youngest in relation to sleep, but I think it's perfectly normal for the 5yo to need comfort and she will grow out of it. I know that if my DH puts her to bed, she does not cry when he leaves, but he only does it when I'm away or ill. My 5yo also associates the night time routine with "mummy time", because that's probably our only 1:1 in the day and she really likes it, she has told other people out of the blue about her "special time with mummy" and in her head is a big deal. I think she's a bit jealous that the 3yo sleeps in our bedroom (no room) and she sees the bedtime as her special thing. But in comparison it's taking ages and DH thinks we should do something about it. I think we could wait until she's a bit older, 6-7? As I think they are more grown up then and want to be more independent. I don't have the heart to leave her to cry and I also like seeing her falling asleep. But I'm all of a sudden feeling that I should do something and I've started to make it less fun and more boring... But not sure that's right. She does usually sleep through until 7-8am once she's fallen asleep.
Am I kidding myself? Does it improve with time? Should I expect her to fall asleep on her own? Should I just ride it out? Am I making a rod for my own back?