lightlypoached, thanks. I have started to do that and I read to her in bed, but she can only practise downstairs before bed time. I am also making it less rushed, I realised I was constantly on the verge of going or impatient to go, so I'm now with an attitude of "I have all the time in the world to stay here" and it seems it's helping (we'll see, only a couple of days so far). She says she doesn't want to be alone and she doesn't like the dark. We bought a nice table lamp that she can switch on herself and she has already used it in the middle of the night. It's the being alone that needs to be addressed now.
Happygolucky009, gosh that's hard. She rarely wakes up after falling asleep. If she does, it tends to be in nights when she went to bed very distressed / crying. I don't think it happens more than once every couple of months, if any. It's the bedtime itself that takes long. However, now I've taken away the reading practice, it's a lot quicker. I wish I had thought of it earlier!
Ladygaladriel, yes mine goes back to sleep easily if she wakes up in the night, unless I haven't been to her (e.g. if she falls asleep waiting for me), then she would ask for me. But I never cave in when it's past bedtime, I might talk over the monitor and say it's late and goodnight, but I don't go in unless she is almost falling out of bed or has no covers. This happens very rarely.
I do call my DD to join me in bed when she wakes up. I can see many PP think I'm treating them differently and it's definitely not my intention. DD goes to nursery and will start school nursery this September with his sister, I don't think she thinks he's with me whilst she is at school.
Definitely need to sort out that 3rd room. I get that. It's not that I'm reluctant, it's that we have had no time and money. We rushed the rest of the house when we moved in, but ran out of money for the last two rooms. At the moment it's full of moving boxes, odd furniture, clothes, etc. Needs new floor and paint, plus find a place for everything it's there. DH and I have been extremely busy, but I was also ill for at least 6-8 months after in the last year and we decided to stop all extra work for the time being. I really get that we should do it, it just didn't feel a priority and we have enjoyed the company. I see it might be what it's creating issues.
So far, after posting, we are using the table lamp (dimmer) instead of the bright white ceiling lamp. We are not doing her practice reading in bed, I read her a story when I go in. I am putting her upstairs and telling her I'll be back in a few minutes, so she gets used to being alone in bed an awake. Not sure if this helps yet. I go upstairs after a while, I read the story and lie down next to her for a bit. I'm finding that these past two days, she fell asleep quicker. Leaving it's still tricky as she might wake up on way out, but I tend to say I'm only going to the bathroom and she falls asleep again. I might not do the "alone wind down time", though, I feel that it just delays sleeping, albeit it might also make her more comfortable to be alone, not sure.