To be mad at DP for making these arrangements?!

[meganerk]

Genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not here so could do with opinions.

My DP has arranged for us to go to his Dad's on Sunday.

I was totally fine with us going but assumed it would just be a short visit. As in no more than an hour or two.

His Dad has texted DP and asked how long we are staying for and DP has responded that we will be there until about 3pm. (Arrive usually at 10am).

I'm kind of seriously annoyed. We visit his Dad every other Sunday. Sometimes we stay all day. Sometimes we go just for an hour or two.

However, I gave birth to our LO just under two weeks ago. I'm still sore and fragile and am currently only comfortable with doing very short trips out of the house.

If I'm honest I could have done with not visiting his Dad at all this weekend but agreed and said to DP 'Yes, it's fine as long as it's not all day.'

Maybe I should have been more specific when I said that. Would have been nice if DP had asked me though before responding to his Dad?

Just want to add his Dad has already seen our LO twice since I gave birth.

Let him go alone and you have a day of rest. Either with the baby or without depending on feeding and how you feel.

Just don’t go 🤷🏻‍♀️

YANBU to want to go for a shorter time but this all sounds a bit passive - why did you ask your DP if you had a specific timeframe in mind when you could have said 'fine but let's make sure we are home by lunchtime'? Have you told him you would rather stay for less time?

Let him go with baby and you stay home maybe?

I think it's lovely he makes the effort, I hope my son does as most seem to have to break ties to suit their wives if MN is anything to go by.

Yes just don't do it. Your DH can either go alone or take LO if bottle-feeding. If you can ever get out of plans you're not keen on, it's after giving birth! Congratualtions on your baby.

Definiteky don't go. Your DH should be taking care of you, not putting demands on you.

I am surprised at these suggestions for the OP to send her baby at under two weeks old to her PILs all day. Really? At two weeks my DD had barely established feeding. I wouldn't have wanted her away from me for more than half an hour.

Wouldn't it be nice for him to see his dad just the two of them, for once? They would get the chance to talk to each other, and you would get some rest at home. The dad might see the baby a little bit later on, perhaps, or visit your place.

I was about you say it just sounds like a miscommunication until you said you had a two week old baby. Tell your DH now that it is too much for you to do.

YABU for not just telling him you don’t want to go.

Just don’t go.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to not want to go if you don't feel up to it. But it does sound like a miscommunication so just send DH on his own, or say you only feel like staying for an hour or two if you do feel like going. It's not worth expending valuable energy being upset about!!

Just go for a couple hours and then say you need to get the baby home and leave them both to it?

Can't his dad come to you? At least then you're in your own space and can go to your bedroom if you need a nap etc.

If that's not possible, tell your DP to go by himself this time.

I don't get why you've come on here.... Just tell your dp it's too much. End of.

Pengggwn - if she’s bottkwvferding, no trouble, her dh is just as capable of feeding as she is, establishing routine or not. If bf then yes, I agree, it’s not viable. OP you either say how you feel to your dh concisely, or go and be pissed off about it, it’s actually your choice.

I’d also say that with a new baby around I’d say that you should lay the groundwork to have adult, open and truthful conversations with your dh, because there’ll be 234 million other times when you’ll wish you could be frank and honest with him to come!

No idea why bottle feeding translated to bottlefwerding!!

I'd have loved a few hours away from my 2 week old. The luxury!

Should probably add that when DP told me that he had replied to his Dad saying that we would be there until about 3pm that I did say to DP that it would be too much for me.

I explained that I still felt fragile and didn't want to be out of the house for too long. (Had already said to him the day before that I wasn't comfortable yet being away from home for long periods! Clearly he forgot me saying that when he responded to his Dad!)

Then said to DP that it might be better if I stayed home and he goes without me and he seemed to get upset?! Said I should feel comfortable enough to be and feel the same at his Dads as I do at home.

cariadxx isn't that what mumsnet is for?

I'd just send your DP with baby and stay at home

Let him be upset, you're not up to it. Tell him you're staying home and he's welcome to go on his own.

Well, in response to him telling you how you "should" be just as comfortable there as at home, you say "I'm not." And do a hard stare.

Tell your dp that you don't feel as comfortable at his dad's as you do at home. He sounds clueless and a bit thick, but you need to speak up and tell him exactly how you feel and why. Now is the time that he has to put you first, above whay his parents might want.

He has no idea how a new mum feels 2 weeks after giving birth and therefore no business telling you how you should feel.

2 weeks after giving birth to DC1 I was leaking from everywhere in all directions, couldn't see straight from tiredness, and feeding for 20 minutes roughly every hour.
I needed my own sofa and soft cushion and my own toilet.

I don't think I got out of the door for about 4 weeks.