To be mad at DP for making these arrangements?!

[meganerk]

Genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not here so could do with opinions.

My DP has arranged for us to go to his Dad's on Sunday.

I was totally fine with us going but assumed it would just be a short visit. As in no more than an hour or two.

His Dad has texted DP and asked how long we are staying for and DP has responded that we will be there until about 3pm. (Arrive usually at 10am).

I'm kind of seriously annoyed. We visit his Dad every other Sunday. Sometimes we stay all day. Sometimes we go just for an hour or two.

However, I gave birth to our LO just under two weeks ago. I'm still sore and fragile and am currently only comfortable with doing very short trips out of the house.

If I'm honest I could have done with not visiting his Dad at all this weekend but agreed and said to DP 'Yes, it's fine as long as it's not all day.'

Maybe I should have been more specific when I said that. Would have been nice if DP had asked me though before responding to his Dad?

Just want to add his Dad has already seen our LO twice since I gave birth.

And there's no way my 2 week old baby would be going anywhere without me.

Your dp is not really thinking of you in all of this is he? That is why you are unfaithful.
You are tired, sore and just want to be at home. So why does his father’s visit trump your needs and wishes?
I wouldn’t go, and just to add that would be the case for the next six weeks at least so best to set him straight now.
Life might well carry on regardless but not for you it doesn’t. Your dp needs to be far more considerate op!

Unfaithful - unhappy!!!!!

Does he feel as at home at your parents home? I very much doubt he does. Plus the fact I doubt you have a bedroom at fil's house if you need a lie down/nap. You have just given birth, apart from your new baby nobody should be making any demands of you!

Show him one of the blood soaked pads you are likely still changing every couple of hours - that should demonstrate nicely why you don't feel comfortable being out of the house for long. Selfish man.
(Sorry for tmi!)

It depends how you are coping with a newborn.

For me after 2 weeks, breastfeeding was fully established with her feeding for 15mins every 4 hours and my partner was giving 1 bottle of expressed milk to her a day. I'm not saying this is the same for everyone!

I left my LO at home with my partner when she was a week old to go and get my hair done and have a few hours break. She was with her dad so she was perfectly safe and well looked after.

He needs to call his Dad, apologise and say that you aren’t upto a long visit yet.

His Dad should understand that.

So.... from the comfort of your own home, phone your dp's dad, tell him you will be staying home as you have got a knackered undercarriage and are exhausted😆

If you all get along, and it sounds like you do, say he is welcome to call by. Chances are he will have a chat with your dp too about caring for you and the baby!

Just explain exactly why you are uncomfortable with being too far away from home and tell him to get his act together about realising these things without being told

YANBU

Your DH is being inconsiderate. Tell him he can go but you are staying home.

When he has pushed a water melon out of his arse he can tell you how you should feel outside of your own home.

tell your DH - you're bleeding, your boobs are sore, you're knackered and it's uncomfortable to sit as you've just pushed out a 7lb or so baby. Of course you will be most comfortable in your own home. Sounds like your DH is someone you REALLY need to spell it out for.

Lazypuppy - bragging about your experience is not helpful when OP has explained how's she is feeling.

Sounds like your DP is possibly in a crazy place himself: trying to do the usual commitments despite the shock of having a baby to look after. If he is normally a lovely committed chap, he is possibly not thinking straight?

Tell your DH that when he has carried and given birth to a baby then he can tell you how you 'should' feel! Don't go.

OP, is your DP's Dad nice or likely putting pressure on him? (In the "I am old and lonely, and nobody loves me" kind of way.)

Agree with previous post on bragging. We bow to you, earth mama lazypuppy.

'Leaking blood on my own sofa, I can cope with. Leaking blood on your dad's sofa, no.'

And then give him The Look. If he still doesn't get it, he's a twat.

If your bottle feeding then imo let him take your baby and you stay home and get some sleep and some alone time - bollocks to being nice and carefree new mum seeing new Grandad - let them have some 3 generation bonding whilst you get some personal care time! Tell him to go overnight or all day!

I wouldn’t go. At 2 weeks I was on the sofa breast feeding.

His feeling upset is not more important than your discomfort or your feelings.

Put your foot down or you will always be walked over.

You're going to have to put your foot down and deal with the 'aftermath'. Your DH is going to need to understand that having a child changes everything. This is just the first 'hurdle', there will be plenty of others as far as going visiting or having visitors goes. We all go through it and most of us manage to work things out.

How far does your FiL live? If it's close enough, have your DH go pick up his dad to visit your house then take him home. I'd suggest DH go get Dad and pick up a takeaway on the way home for a nice lunch together, a visit of a couple of hours with you and baby, then home for Dad. Maybe DH and Dad can stop for a pint on the way home.

Fingers crossed for double yellows

Inform your husband of the rule.
The one who had the baby erupt from her body calls the shots.
Until she is healed.

Inform your husband of the rule.
The one who had the baby erupt from her body calls the shots.
Until she is healed.

Inform your husband of the rule.
The one who had the baby erupt from her body calls the shots.
Until she is healed.

Yanbu.

He can go, or he can get his dad to come to you as long as he does all the running around. DH can piss off with the sadface.