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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Employer refusing parental leave, forcing me to resign then asking for over £2000 AIBU

63 replies

Butterflies14 · 18/07/2018 17:59

Hi all,
I don’t usually post here but I need some serious advise. I work in a private corporate sector, been here for nearly 2 years, in March this year my daughter started having seizures , it’s been a battle on its own getting the doctors to do the tests to find out why she’s having seizures, only at nights and once I almost lost here so the fear is so intense, I cannot sleep peacefully at night all , Doctor has not diagnosed Nocturnal epilepsy as yet because we are still awaiting consultation’s appointment but has told us to be vigilant for high risk of SUDEP.
This has changed my life and my work is very demanding, I have asked my employer to give me time off unpaid/ paternal leave for 2 months so I can concentrate on my daughter’s health, also get my sons long overdue appointment done . Spend time with them and visit my parents who live in a different county, ny manger came back saying we can’t give you time off you will have to resign . Ok I said if you want I will resign. Then they said now that you have resigned within 1 year of us paying for your course you have to pay back £2000.
I really feel helpless, I have no money and they’re the ones asking me to resign then why should I pay ? They can give me unpaid leave and get agency staff temporarily. AIBU to say I’m entitled to take parental leave?

OP posts:
BlueBug45 · 18/07/2018 18:02

Are you in a union? If not contact ACAS and find out about your legal rights.

Original poster
Butterflies14 · 18/07/2018 18:03

I’m on about 20k per year and have 3 dependent children. DH and I together just about manage to run the house.

OP posts:
TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 18/07/2018 18:05

Have you got paperwork signed saying that you will repay the course amount should you leave within a certain time frame?

ReadingRiot · 18/07/2018 18:06

I think it's quite usual for an employer to require you to stay for a certain period after this kind of training. You would usually have signed something though

StripeyDeckchair · 18/07/2018 18:07

You need some legal advice, telling you to resign is constructive dismissal.

You should have said nothing and gone to your GP and got signed off sick with stress.

Original poster
Butterflies14 · 18/07/2018 18:08

Yes contract says if you leave within a year you have to pay back the costs. But these are mitigating circumstances

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 18/07/2018 18:08

Could you not just go off sick with stress for a few months , it sounds pretty stressful .

happinessiseggshaped · 18/07/2018 18:08

Have you formally requested 4 weeks parental leave, and have they given reasons in writing why are refusing to grant it to you now?
www.gov.uk/parental-leave

mrs2468 · 18/07/2018 18:08

Seems strange that they want you to resign if it's only two months. By the time they have advertised,training successor would go way beyond the two months. Do you have an hr department you can appeal too? Can you take back your notice?

RandomMess · 18/07/2018 18:09

Can you ask to take an unpaid career break for a year instead ie enough time that they can get decent people in to cover?

BlueBug45 · 18/07/2018 18:09

OP - www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Could you take the parental leave in 2 blocks of 4 weeks?

Also don't resign until you take legal advice first.

Parky04 · 18/07/2018 18:10

If there is nothing in your contract about paying back x amount if you leave, then you are not legally obliged to pay it.

AngelsSins · 18/07/2018 18:10

What a bunch of heartless bastards they are. Could you get signed off for a couple of weeks, put the fear in them that you might just not come back for 2 months?

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 18/07/2018 18:14

Have you actually formally resigned? Have you formally applied for parental leave?

Unfortunately mitigating circumstances aside if you have formally resigned within 12 months of completing the course then you are contractually bound to repay the money. You could see if they would be willing to waive the costs due to the situation but they would be within their rights to say no unfortunately.

Frankenterfer · 18/07/2018 18:16

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Definitely speak to acas about the resignation, you probably will have to pay for your course but ask them to agree a payment plan?

Katri0na · 18/07/2018 18:16

There must be a reason why they refuse to give you 2 months unpaid leave, do you know why? If you resign and quit now, it will take time to find a replacement for you anyway, and it's an expensive process.

I wouldn't tell them you plan on visiting your parents, it sounds too much like a holiday - not saying that your daughter's healthy is not the most important!

DrJo1 · 18/07/2018 18:20

Definitely take union advice and get signed off from work with stress. Do not resign.
You are also entitled to apply for DLA payment to support your sick child. You should be able to claim at the highest rate because your daughter needs most care at night. Contact the charity sendiass. They will be able to help you fill in the forms.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 18/07/2018 18:26

Dont resign,at all
See GP signed off for stress. Time off sick is still counted as time employed

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 18/07/2018 18:27

Presumably your resignation would have to be in writing so they cannot hold you to the verbal resignation. I would retract the verbal resignation and then request parental leave formally.

Original poster
Butterflies14 · 18/07/2018 18:27

This has been really stressful, since last 5 months, I have lost over 5kg and I feel I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I wanted to leave on good terms but this is looking like a dirty divorce, there reason is we can’t have an empty desk we need resources to do the work. The atmosphere is so awful we almost have 1 person leaving every month , there is only around 18 people in the office.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 18/07/2018 18:29

Please contact a ACAS, an employment lawyer (who will speak to you briefly for free to see if you may have a case) and a union.

NoNarnas · 18/07/2018 18:30

Don’t resign, go to your GP and ask to be signed off for a few weeks. The lack of sleep and worry about your daughter will mean your own health is affected as well.

Lockheart · 18/07/2018 18:31

If it's in your contract that you have to refund the costs of training if you leave within X years then there's not likely to be anything you can do about that. It's quite common and legal.

Read up on your contract to see what it says about emergency / unpaid / parental leave, and consult with ACAS or a union, if you're in one, about what options are open to you.

Do you really need 2 months? That's a very long time. Scrap visiting your parents, although I know it must be hard to do, and see if you can negotiate a smaller amount of unpaid leave.

thinkfast · 18/07/2018 18:31

Assuming you meet the requirements, you are entitled to unpaid statutory parental leave. Your employer cannot refuse to grant you this, although depending on the circumstances, could require you to take it at a different time.

Requiring you to resign and repay training fees would mean that they are failing their statutory duties to you and might mean you would be entitled to bring a claim

I suggest you telephone academy for advice and then contact hr. also document everything relevant in writing in case you need to try to bring a claim.

ChadwithaK · 18/07/2018 18:33

Why can’t you take unpaid leave? I thought that was a right now?