To use the word "naughty"

[speedymama]

DTS are 3 yo and go to nursery. This weekend they chastised me and DH for using that word. They did something that I had asked them not to do and I told them to stop being naughty. DT1 retorted with "don't say naughty, I'm not naughty, you can't say naughty". So I responded with "well stop misbehaving then!"

I spoke to the nursery about this and they confirmed that they are not allowed to use the word naughty because it labels the child rather than the act. Now I'm all for positive parenting but there comes a time when you have to just tell how it is. I don't call my boys name but I do point out their bad behaviour and I also praise them when they are being good. In fact, I praise more than I chastise.

As a child, when my parents told me that I was being naughty, I took notice. Now my 3yo DTS read me the riot act. Well, I will not be dictated to by a toddler and if that makes me a dinosaur in terms of modern day parenting, so be it.

So am I a recalcitrant, anachronistic, old fashioned dinosaur who refuses to indulge the latest fads in parenting as dictated by a bunch of pinko liberal, arm wringing, bleeding heart busybodies?

so no sympathy for my big sploshy tears then, you bunch of repressed bastards? perhaps your parents should have blubbed more, you'd have been more in touch with your feelings...

Connie that is kind of what I am getting at with the degrees post. The ultimate aim is to turn out adults who behave well and know how to make amends when they don't. Ideally they should behave well because they want to rather than because if they don't they get punished.

t-rex - that sounded like a nice moment.

Connie - why do I have to tell her off - well I'm not really telling her off, I'm siting down and speaking with her about hitting her friends at school and trying to get her to stop basically!

lol, PI! thanks... have you ever read Peepo!? it's the loveliest book i've ever seen, truly. (just not great for the nostalgically-inclined0.

Well if DD1 wallops DD2 round the head for basically daring to breathe near her (!) I'm going to make Dd1 apologise for it and I always make her say 'sorry for hitting'. I really don't care what anyone else thinks of this, I won't change that.

hve peepo quite like it but it doesn't make me blub.

thomcat, i'm going to have to ask you to apologise for that little show of defiance... [disappointed face]

i was someone before

it's the granny's hatpin... lol, it's exactly like my grandma. she was never without a hat on outside.

I will apologise Lottie style - TC screws up face, looks up to the corner of the room, does the sign for sorry while muttering it, then grabs TyrannosaurusRex in a sort of head lock embrace and squeezes her for a moment in an attempt at a cuddle!

i was a married covering garment. like the new one better.

perfect, tc, what a lovely girl you are!

weddingdress? was there a weddingdress?

(thomcat I make my children apologise to the dogs if they pull their ears or stand on them or are otherwise nasty. It is v funny to see them standing there looking the long-suffering dog in the eye and saying "I'm sorry I pulled your ears, Noodle" )

TC you are clearly a completely fabulous mum (and you know I don't go in much for that sort of compliment) so please don't let this thread get you down! I'm sorry if you thought I was criticising, I was really just musing. Pax?

not read thread, but when dds were small their nursery never used the word 'naughty' either.

Dd2 always used to say 'not nice boy! not nice boy!'

Is that a better alternative? No

Makes him sound like a parrot

her, sorry

yeah, I thought it was very odd and it took me ages to realise she was parrioting the nursery staff. And she was only about 18 months at the time.

Read about first 40% of thread so sorry if repeat but re:

"Thanks GiantSquirrel, that is exactly my point. Saying "Stop being naughty" is not the same as saying "you are naughty".

Yes there is a difference between one and the other above (former describing the behaviour, and latter labelling the child) - but I think that linguistic twist whilst quite apparent to an adult is not obvious to a small child who will just hear 'naughty', and no distinction in the meaning.

This is not my argument against using the word 'naughty' btw - since I have and will continue to use it. Just rather my rather rambling way of pointing out that perhaps we all impute far too much significance to this sort of thing than we need to.

My children are really quite extraordinarily good most of the time - so occasionally describing them as 'naughty' does not appear to have become a self fulfilling prophecy in their case.

I often feel that parenting has become too 'academic' / theoretical....

yes it has