To want to go outside more than once a day?

[PenguinBollard]

A month ago I started a Nanny job looking after one little boy, he's just turned 6 months.
Mum is a SAHM and is with us most of the time, except when she goes out for lunch or is napping.

My hours are 24/6.

Baby sleeps well through the night but only has two 45 min naps during the day.
He's not allowed to cry or whinge and spends most of his time either being held and sung to, or actively being played with (dangling toys over his head etc).

We live on a property that can only be accessed by car, so there is no scope for walks without using the driver and Mum doesn't let us go out without her anyway.

We go out once a day, mid afternoon, for about one hour, usually a walk. As I work 6 days a week, this is my only time.outside which may well be clouding my judgement a little.

It's got to the point where I'm starting to climb up the walls with boredom/frustration. The Mum is expecting me to keep the baby actively engaged throughout the day (therefore I can't set him down to play or take him with me whilst I do something) and the baby will whine if he's not be actively played with so there's a large amount of just walking around with him singing.

AIBU to try and push for more time out of the house? Or am.i actually shit at my job, and should be thrilled to played with a baby for 10 hours a day?

So you and the mum do everything together with the baby?

That would drive me mad on so many levels.
You’re not being allowed to get on with your job.
You’re stuck inside, the only way I can cope with wings babies is to take them out.
He’s not being allowed to find his own space. Can babies even play at this age?
I’d push push push for more outdoor time, or I’d leave the job .

So you and the mum do everything together with the baby? yes.

My fucking god that sounds like hell! WHAT are you managing to do all day?

It will also be doing the child no favours, having that much engagement.

OMG that sounds like my idea of Hell. I haven't worked as a nanny so can't offer any advice but I'd say go for it - explain ypur feelings and frustration and if there's no improvement I'd find something else. Tbh she sounds like a nightmare what with not letting you put the baby down etc.

Why does she even need you? Are they super rich?

Ive got a 6 month old baby and I’d go insane if I was only allowed out for an hour a day, especially in this nice weather.

I’d push for more time out.

What does she do if you venture into the garden?

Oh god im not a nanny but this would drive me insane....leave op and find another job x

You and the baby are going stir crazy.
Very damaging all round.
If your employer is not prepared to let you do the job you need to find something else.
Poor baby.

Are you in the UK?
Is this a cultural thing?

I couldn't cope with that with my own 6 yo never mind someone else's with the mum permanently around too. Sounds like a recipient for madness.

Are you by any chance in Russia OP?

It sounds a lot like a job I had there. I lasted six weeks.

I think you need to sit down with the mother and have a frank discussion about your role. You are basically being micro-managed on a grand scale. She either trusts your skills/experience or she doesn't. I have had a nanny in the past and I think there is a balance to be had between parental rules and the nanny's own approach. I haven't been a nanny but I am a mother and if I was only allowed an hour a day away from home I would have been climbing the walls too, so you have my sympathy OP.

You have trained in this field. Trust your instincts on this. Do you think a 6 month old should be constantly played with/entertained? I do not believe that children are "spoilt" by over-indulging, never letting them cry etc (unlike the rather ridiculous post-natal midwife who told me this BUT I do think there can be a middle ground. In your situation I can I see no opportunity for your charge to develop any ability to self-soothe or just be. I definitely was over the top with my first DC when it came to constantly playing etc but I also stepped back and let him just kick around on his play-mat or explore toys alone.

I have worked some weird nanny jobs. One of them I was supposed to take them out all the time to do this class and swimming etc. Yet. I had to pay for everything. One where the child would swear and kick me when I walked through the door and the parents only comments were that she used the swear word in the right context.

Honestly it doesn’t sound like she would change her mind if you asked her. Just even from how ur supposed to interact with the baby like that all day.
Personally I would be looking for something else. This is not a healthy place for u to be.

There are better nanny jobs out there. I have had some fantastic ones.

Yes very rich.

So Mum gets up at about 12.30pm, comes and sings with baby and I for ten mins or so, then goes eats lunch. She then comes back and chats to me, plays with baby and I for a bit then goes out or maybe goes and does something I'm her room. She is still.pumping milk so that takes time too.
We go out at maybe 4 for 1 hour, come back and then play more (by this stage it's just me walking around and around the dinner table holding him as we whines if I out him down) and then bath at 7 and bedtime 8. Rinse and repeat.

Mum has said before that going out once a day is plenty, and has used the weather being too hot (we're abroad) as reason for not going out before 4. She's quite germphobic and frightened that baby will get hurt or snatched if we go outside.

Leave and find another job? Sounds like you are in the handmaids tale but in real life!

What does she do if you venture into the garden? there's no garden. Also we can only go.oit if he's in his carrier (he can only face inwards for some reason) or if we take the night again he can only face us, so he tends to get bored/hot and falls asleep.

She sounds lazy as fuck

@nowifi - I thought exactly the same thing about sounding like a Handmaid! What a weird setup. Surely the baby would sleep better with a bit more fresh air?

It will never get better OP, truly.

I once had a job where the child was six years old and I'm the park I had to literally be behind her at all times- on the climbing frame, slide, everywhere. Also when she went to a soft play party, I had to go in too to follow her around 🙄

This was incase she got snatched from under my nose, or has a preventable accident. It was absolutely infuriating.

Leave . This is intolerable.

Sorry for all the typos, this damn phone is crap!

Just to say I have no issue with Mum, she seems really sweet.
I've worked for some loons before

Is kidnap a real possibility?
If so it would be better for them to pay for a bodyguard and let you and the child out, or move to somewhere with a garden or secure park.
The child is going to be a basket case at this rate.

How much time is she actually spending with her DC each day? She sounds very anxious but also quite detached from your description of a typical day eg not getting up until 12.30pm and then spending just 10 minutes with DC before going off to have lunch. Do you suspect she has PND? Or is her attitude based on cultural norms for wherever she is from?
Does she have good reason to fear her DC being snatched? ie are they famously rich, iyswim, and therefore at risk of kidnapping for ransom? If so, is there scope for having someone else with you when you venture out?
I think if you cannot speak frankly with her then it is probably not the position for you. I would have hated to think that my nanny felt she couldn't have tackled any issues with us, no matter how tricky.

Honestly? Find another job.