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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go outside more than once a day?

77 replies

PenguinBollard · 17/07/2018 11:26

A month ago I started a Nanny job looking after one little boy, he's just turned 6 months.
Mum is a SAHM and is with us most of the time, except when she goes out for lunch or is napping.

My hours are 24/6.

Baby sleeps well through the night but only has two 45 min naps during the day.
He's not allowed to cry or whinge and spends most of his time either being held and sung to, or actively being played with (dangling toys over his head etc).

We live on a property that can only be accessed by car, so there is no scope for walks without using the driver and Mum doesn't let us go out without her anyway.

We go out once a day, mid afternoon, for about one hour, usually a walk. As I work 6 days a week, this is my only time.outside which may well be clouding my judgement a little.

It's got to the point where I'm starting to climb up the walls with boredom/frustration. The Mum is expecting me to keep the baby actively engaged throughout the day (therefore I can't set him down to play or take him with me whilst I do something) and the baby will whine if he's not be actively played with so there's a large amount of just walking around with him singing.

AIBU to try and push for more time out of the house? Or am.i actually shit at my job, and should be thrilled to played with a baby for 10 hours a day?

OP posts:
nearlyfiftyjeez · 17/07/2018 11:54

It sounds like helll on earth you poor thing.

I would immediately find another job perhaps with older more active children and when you leave tell get your reasons. That poor baby is having a horrible unatural life couped up on a semi permanent basis. A baby should be outside interacting with the world. This is so unhealthy as to almost a form of neglect.

Leave as soon as you can, be honest with both parents. In the father and don’t look back.

Ansumpasty · 17/07/2018 11:54

Oooooo you are the celeb nanny!

I would approach it another way. Speak to the mother about how groups/library visits/park visits/baby classes would help developmentally and perhaps talk about Vitamin D...

PinkHeart5914 · 17/07/2018 11:54

Why does a SAHM need a nanny? Especially if all she does is follow you round all day, does she not want to look after her own child? Confused weird!

No your not unreasonable to want to get outside and imo fresh air as often as possible is good for dc too.

Best thing you can do is look for a new position as this job sounds awful OP

Original poster
PenguinBollard · 17/07/2018 11:54

No. We are in one of the (If not THE) safest countries in the world. No real danger of baby snatching,and they'd struggle cause I bite Grin

OP posts:
nearlyfiftyjeez · 17/07/2018 11:55

Include the father that should say, he needs to know what is happening

EdinaMonsoon · 17/07/2018 11:57

Actually Asumplasty has a great idea there. Approaching this from the perspective of your knowledge aiding the development of the child rather than criticising the current regime is a far more positive approach, And as the mother sounds anxious she is likely to respond better to this than if she feels criticised or undermined.

SleepFreeZone · 17/07/2018 11:57

Fucking hell I couldn’t cope with that. You deserve a medal OP.

Original poster
PenguinBollard · 17/07/2018 11:57

I would approach it another way. Speak to the mother about how groups/library visits/park visits/baby classes would help developmentally and perhaps talk about Vitamin D...

I've tried that. Apparently there are no libraries here, Baby classes are hard to get to and/Or dirty, we already go to the park one hour a day, and she has Vit D drops.

Not poo poo ing people's ideas at all, it's just that I've tried heavy hints and it's not worked. But I'm very soft by nature so haven't spelled it out.

OP posts:
PianoThirty · 17/07/2018 11:59

I take it you’re somewhere hot like Dubai, where even “outside” means going to an indoor shopping mall? I honestly don’t think I could cope with that at all!

nearlyfiftyjeez · 17/07/2018 12:00

I really wouldn’t bother trying to ‘educate’ the mother in any shape or fashion. She is likely to take it badly however you do it, I would leave as soon as possible.
That will be the strongest possible message you can give her

Original poster
PenguinBollard · 17/07/2018 12:00

How much time is she actually spending with her DC each day?

About four or five hours. I've been trained to spot PND and I don't think this is a factor here.

She's more involved with her baby than most I've seen

OP posts:
Guardianreaderformysins · 17/07/2018 12:01

I think in this world, what your describing isn’t that unusual. Forget about if mum is lazy or not (you didn’t raise this at all to be fair!). She is employing you. My advice would be to suggest he is missing out on some developmental milestone and then strongly advise he does baby swimming, baby gymnastics etc. He should start moving soon, so that will help. Mum is clearly a bit stressed out by the outside world, which is normal for a mum of a newborn but because life hasn’t forced her to face it she just hasn’t. It’s not really her fault. But now it’s going to start impacting her baby as he is in a new explorative phase. If you try to set it in those terms, that he is getting ready for new experiences and how are we going to provide them she might be won over.

Guardianreaderformysins · 17/07/2018 12:02

Sorry, not development milestone. I meant developmental opportunities. I’m not suggesting you invent special needs for the baby Confused

EdinaMonsoon · 17/07/2018 12:03

Then looking for a new position seems the only way forward OP. She isn't listening for whatever reason and you will only end up feeling resentful and frustrated.

What does the father think of this? Is he present/engaged with DC at all? Does he get to take DC out of the house? Also, having a nanny 6 days a week for a SAHM...blimey! I'm trying not to be judgey but does she not want to spend any time alone with her DC? Whilst I would have been grateful for more help/time to just go shower/nap when the DC were tiny, it would have driven me potty to have someone with me 24/6. Does she take him out when she spends time with him? Do they have other friends with DC of similar age?

Original poster
PenguinBollard · 17/07/2018 12:05

The housekeeper covers for me on my early off.

I will try the developmental opportunities aspect, any idea how to phrase that?

OP posts:
AirForce0ne · 17/07/2018 12:05

that poor baby, what's the point of having a nanny if she doesn't take the baby for fresh air most of the day? The reason why most mothers are stuck indoors is because they have chores to do.

I would find books and studies showing that outside stimulation is the best thing for a baby and make a very strong case to her. She is nuts, is she worried about pollution, pollen, dogs hair, light?

Original poster
PenguinBollard · 17/07/2018 12:10

Not celebrities, Not that exciting I'm afraid!

OP posts:
Guardianreaderformysins · 17/07/2018 12:11

I would start by saying you really respect how much she understands babies need to be held and interacted with and you are so glad (even if slightly overstating!) the baby has had a really positive 4th trimester. It’s great when they start to move and interact even more, and that stage is so fun to be part of! So, what activities should we sign x up to now he is getting to the moving stage? Shall we do x? Or y? I love this stage! ....i.e be enthusiastic and positive rather than critical but also ‘taken for granted’ that she will want him to try new things.

Original poster
PenguinBollard · 17/07/2018 12:12

Not celebrities, Not that exciting I'm afraid!

OP posts:
indoeuropean · 17/07/2018 12:13

Sounds like she just needs helper, but still want to rise her baby herself. Lucky baby! You just need to make your role in this more bearable. Maybe you could research benefits of tummy time and independant play and then present them to mother? She is right that small baby should not be just left to cry, thats a lot of stress for him. But time for baby to explore on his own would be beneficial.
I have a carrier that has only inward pose. The philosophy behind it is - babies need to feel safe, facing outwards they can be exposed to something that scares them, but there is no place to hide. Also outwards can be too stimulating for babies and latter they will process all that with lot of crying. You dont want that :)

Evanna13 · 17/07/2018 12:20

The baby is still very young so developmentally he ok for the moment, it's sounds like he is getting lots of interaction with a few people and an hour a day outside is quite reasonable. Baby groups are usually more for the benefit of the mother than the child at this age. However I can imagine you are going crazy because you have so little control and going forward the baby will need more stimulation, especially after his first birthday. Have you asked the mum about her plans for toddler groups, activities, play dates when he starts crawling, walking etc?

ijustwannadance · 17/07/2018 12:22

Does she ever spend ANY time alone with her child? Is it a confidence thing or just a money/social circle thing? She sounds a bit odd.

What about the dad?

I have a 6 month old. We'd both go stir crazy stuck in all the time or me getting the odd break.

Strawberrybelly · 17/07/2018 12:29

This would drive me mad.

CoffeeOrSleep · 17/07/2018 12:36

Look for a new job!

charlestonchaplin · 17/07/2018 12:39

Some of these comments are ridiculous! There are many babies and very young children in full-time nursery in the UK and I don't hear many negative comments about that (apart from when SAHMs respond defensively). Unusual child-rearing arrangements, especially where other cultures are involved, bring out the bitchy comments. I bet many British women would have a mother's help (SAHM or not) if they could afford it and they didn't fear being judged negatively!

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