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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child’s father wants to charge me rent for temporary moving into his bought home

83 replies

TB2013 · 17/07/2018 01:37

So basically, me and my partner have been together for 10 years and have a 4 year old child together. During our relationship we’ve always had our own places. He owns his home and the mortgage is fully paid. I rent privately and he has always lived with me and our child and rarely uses his own home (usually when we’ve fell out haha) he never put anything towards my rent when he’s lived with me but he would throw a tenner here and there on gas and electric and put towards the shopping now and then. Recently I’ve been really struggling with my bills while working part time so I asked him if me and our child could move into his property temporarily so I can leave my home and work as much over time as possible for 8-12 weeks to save up a rent and deposit on a cheaper property and the very first thing he said was. Well you can’t live in there for free you know. Now don’t get me wrong I would make sure there’s always gas and light in there and I’d always fill the fridge and cupboards but the fact he wants actual money off us I’m actually in shock considering all the years he’s lived with me rent free. Bare in mind also that his mortgage is fully paid off and all he has to pay is council tax which still I would be happy to contribute to but I fell like he’s sort of demanded it. I also feel like he’s not even bothered that I’m struggling. I tell him all the time and still he does nothing about it. What can I do guys? I really feel like this is going to be the straw that breaks the camels back I really do feel like I’m in shock I just can’t believe it.

OP posts:
whatwouldyoubelikeat28 · 17/07/2018 05:07

I'm sorry OP but this is mental, this is far from a partner. Absolutely get your cards in order and get out. Go straight to the courts, someone like this is not worth negotiating with.

Dvg · 17/07/2018 05:15

Fuck that. My child's father would never make me pay rent. It's not like he is your ex... fair enough you pay a share towards the bills and food but he should have always been doing that for you, sounds to me like he doesnt realise you have been together for atleast 10 years!! Most people have joint finances and live together by then!

Sorry OP but I would LTB as no way my partner would pocket from my mis fortune, he doesnt have rent to pay so shouldn't be asking.

Booie09 · 17/07/2018 05:16

He needs to start acting like a proper grown up....Sorry I could not be with someone who didn't contribute!

Sharkwithknees · 17/07/2018 05:22

What a cocklodging wanker!! All replies are pretty unanimous, and bear in mind how harsh AIBU can be to the OP. This is not a partnership, there are people out there who will treat you and your DD far better than this. Agree with PP who says there's no negotiating with a fucker like this. Flowers

adaline · 17/07/2018 05:27

What on Earth? This is insane.

He owns a home, yet you live in a privately rented house. He lives with you but doesn't pay rent, bills or food. You have a child together and he doesn't pay for them either.

This isn't a partnership. He's a financially abusive cocklodger. Kick him out and go to the CMS. I guarantee that'll be the last you see of the useless fucker.

outofmydepth45 · 17/07/2018 05:33

What a prick !

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/07/2018 05:41

Is sounds as if you’d be a lot better off separate. Would you need to downsize if you stopped paying for his food, luxuries, extra utility usage and received cms payments?

Just as an aside, there is a new scheme, where you pay a few hundred for an insurance policy instead of having to raise 6 weeks rent for a deposit. The downside is that his insurance is to cover damage to the rental property and is therefore non refundable. I think agencies are able to use this scheme right now, but I’m not 100% sure.

myshinynewusername · 17/07/2018 06:00

This sounds very odd. He clearly doesn't want you to move into his house. There must be a reason for that. Perhaps he is renting it out and keeping the money for himself, or perhaps he has another woman (or even a family) there.

Have you ever been to this property?

LannieDuck · 17/07/2018 06:21

Offer to pay the same in rent as he's been paying you for the last xx years?

And sort out child support.

GardenRoseAutumn · 17/07/2018 06:25

I can't believe you've lived with this man for 10 years and you find out now how stingy he is. You know what to do, do it!

Booie09 · 17/07/2018 06:29

OP are you receiving benefits? Maybe he thinks he doesn't have to pay because the goverment is looking after you! If you got shot of him you would proberbly be better off.

Atlantea · 17/07/2018 06:38

He's not your partner, partners share and lift each other up, not sponge off them

What a wanker

londonrach · 17/07/2018 06:49

I dont understand his child surely he and you are a partnership. All money is family money and you live in his morgage free house together as a family. Id leave him, set up child mainance and send him a bill for the rent, bills etc for 10 years

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 17/07/2018 06:56

Very selfish man - just move in and pay him exactly what he's been paying you! Cheek!

Blankscreen · 17/07/2018 06:59

It sounds very much as though you're not in a partnership. It's your child and your responsibility.

Sorry to say this but you have effectively subsidised him for the last 10 years no wonder he has aortgahe free house.

I find it weird that you never moved in to his owned place together.
Does he pay anything towards your child's costs?

If no then others have said, let him move back to his house and make a. Claim against him for maintenance.

NicoAndTheNiners · 17/07/2018 07:03

Being so tight is the most unattractive thing ever.

I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like this.

You’d be far better off finishing with him and getting the CSA on his case. Sounds an odd relationship anyway where he hasn’t fully committed to the idea of you being a couple/family unit if he’s always kept his own place.

moodance · 17/07/2018 07:04

I would be very interested to know if you can claim 50% of the house when you dump his sorry arse. If you have been together for 10 years ... it would be classes as common law?

The mans behaviour is disgusting.

OnThisHill · 17/07/2018 07:05

OP, this is awful, really feel for you. I had a similar situation once, and it didn't end well, especially financially.

Is there something more to this? Does seem odd. Do you have a relationship in tbe normal sense? Go out together? With the child? Sex life? (Not to pry, just for context).

Whatever, the answer, sadly, is clear. You've been given some great advice. I hope you can find the strength to follow it.

I promise you will be happier, sooner than you might think. Flowers

FatBarry · 17/07/2018 07:05

If the op works part time then is she in receipt of some housing benefit and tax credits? Does he "officially" live at the other property so she can do this and thus save himself a real wad?

What does he contribute? Need more detail, this is outrageous.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/07/2018 07:06

moodance
No such thing as common law. Why does this myth persist. The only way op could claim is if they were living in his place and could be proved to be paying off part of a mortgage or similar.

LagunaBubbles · 17/07/2018 07:07

Why have you put up with this for years?

Bibesia · 17/07/2018 07:14

Tell him you'll knock the rent off what he owes you.

bevelino · 17/07/2018 07:17

OP, your partner is interested in protecting his own financial future and not that of his family. Put yourself first and plan your own future without him.

meditrina · 17/07/2018 07:21

Does he pay Child Maintenance?

As it seems that you live separately, and his DC lives with you, then it sounds as if he should.

And OP, if you cannot make ends meet, you need to start looking at how you can achieve the transition back to FT work. Even if it means your income stands still for a while (because of the need for more paid childcare) it is likely to be worth it in terms of your medium/long term future.

Cupoteap · 17/07/2018 07:21

He's telling you who he is...there is no way to under this.