To think some MN-ers can be mean

[Bumble1830]

Why do some people on here find the smallest flaw in your post and focus on it? I've asked for advice a few times on here, I can take criticism if I've done wrong, but some are just plain mean. It's like they get a kick out of winding people up.

Yanbu. There is a mob mentality here sometimes.

At first everyone will be replying like a normal human being, then one person will make a sarcastic comment about an innocuous part of the post and every subsequent post will hone in on that one thing.

If people have nothing to say about the issue, then just read and leave... No need to be mean. I don't get it!

I agree, I think it's the internet in general at the moment though. The comments section on news stories on Facebook for example are just awful.

Keyboard warriors and bullies.

Sometimes that can happen but if you post In aibu you do have to expect people disagreeing with you.

That’s not to say those idiots who focus on grammar and phrases ie last night it was the ‘boob to sleep’ and some twats were asking what that meant does wind one up.

So yes sometimes but not generally all the time. Still it’s the internet and any one can post.

It's AIBU, what do you expect?

The rest of MN is usually much kinder

This thread goes up about once a week. If you post on an open forum you take the risk people will say things you don’t like.

“Meanness” is relative. There are often people accusing others of being mean when their OP made them sound like a total twat.

They can have an opinion, can disagree, and can also say things people don't like, just confusing as to why they feel the need to be mean and nasty about it. But, hey, I suppose it is what it is x

It's can certainly be a very strange commodity.
Last week someone started a thread criticsizing what Kate Middleton was wearing for baby Louis Christening and most people agreed with her and even the ones that didn't were not rude to her.
However a few days later someone started a similar thread about Teresa May and imo the poor women get torn to shreds. and told what an excellent job she is doing.
ect ect. I clearly live on another planet. I must do. That's the only explanation.
So you never know how a thread is going to go.
It can be quite clique and fawny, too.
I'd say like everything though.
There is more good than bad

I posted on both those threads that both Kate and Theresa looked fine. Other posters did too. I think the op said Kate looked like Anne Boleyn??

Strange

It can be hideously mean. I honestly think that the bitchiest commentators on here wouldn’t say boo in person. The internet does that to people. You have to take it for what it is.

totally agree OP. i guess a lot of people have nothing better to do than bitch at people they've never met about ridiculous things that are usually completely irrelevant to the original post. horrible behaviour.

If someone had written... I want to lock my dog in a cupboard... Then yeah, be as mean as you like, but when people are asking for advice about a sensitive issue, there's just no need for it. A mean comment can push someone over the edge. X

What AnneLovesGilbert said.
If you are feeling vulnerable, or sensitive, then post in relationships.
Advice on MN can be brilliant. Sometimes if can be blunt.
People have different perceptions of what is "mean".

Also, this is such a regular thread....

A mean commentcan push someone over the edge

Never a truer word spoken.
People either don't care or genuinely forget that behind every user name is an actual person.

I agree Bumble. I sometimes get the sense, particularly when the OP is in a difficult or anxious situation, that some posters seem to be almost enjoying their distress. I've read responses which have been high-handed at best and positively bullying at worst. The Guardian runs a 'readers' answers' problem page and they put a reminder at the top that these are real people in real and complex situations. I'm new to MN and actually wondered about suggesting that to MNHQ. I've been shocked by the lack of empathy and compassion on a number of threads tbh. Sorry you have had to deal with that. Have some and .

When someone posts about a really distressing situation and someone decides to point out a spelling mistake or 2 whilst offering no advice, you just know they're miserable fuckers hanging around to stick the boot in.

But..at times I will.cpmment on a thread and then think.or wonder if I sound mean. Words on a screen can be 'cold' and sometimes it's not meant.

Try to remember that not everyone comes on here (or the internet in general) to be kind and helpful and supportive. Some people like to give other people a bit of a kick or wind them up. It's not nice but it's what it is.

Agree OP, I was new to MN, living alone with a 5 week old baby and my ex (baby’s dad) had been having an affair throughout most of my pregnancy and I’d just found out. He’d been abusive to me and was demanding my DS went to their home overnight (as they’d moved in together).
I posted about my reluctance to let DS go on AIBU (stupidly) and literally got my arse handed to me over 30 pages!
I had PND and it didn’t help at all.
Some posters were lovely though and PMd me - I would never post anything emotive on AIBU, there are better areas of MN for that!

If a mean comment can push someone over the edge then posting on the Internet for strangers to comment is not the best idea.
Some people are easily offended.
Others are very to the point.
That's life.

I find people on here can be quite hypocritical tbh.

It might not seem like the best idea if you're vulnerable but for some an anonymous forum is the only form of support they may feel like reaching out for.

OP I agree with you and took me a while to learn a few things about Mumsnet. I never post in AIBU now as it seems like some people just make a hobby out of goading the OP. People don't read the full thread or even the original and give rude replies. My favourite one is this emoji which people seem to like using to emphasise how condescending their reply is. I always imagine some really smug woman sitting on her chintzy sofa typing her patronising reply and then snorting after pressing send when I see this used in a rude way. As someone will no doubt come and mention Netmums is a lot kinder. I have stopped posting on here if I need any real advice about anything other than medical / pregnancy related things or things that are so trivial it wouldn't bother me if someone replied to me in a bitchy way.

It's not only on AIBU that people can me mean, I've read and commented on a few different topics and the keyboard warriors are in force on them too. I've always been told, if I haven't anything nice to say, say nothing at all, a phrase maybe lost these days.... Sigh

yeah, I'm the same. Every time I see mean posts I think that person probably has a FB pic of a meme saying something a long lines of 'I just tell it like it is' etc, and I think good for you, but most people probably just think you're a massive bitch.

Maybe try the other place OP. No swearing, lots of kisses and probably no meanness.