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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some MN-ers can be mean

76 replies

Bumble1830 · 16/07/2018 22:48

Why do some people on here find the smallest flaw in your post and focus on it? I've asked for advice a few times on here, I can take criticism if I've done wrong, but some are just plain mean. It's like they get a kick out of winding people up.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/07/2018 08:52

Mumsnet has always been direct and honest. Many of us like it that way

AIBU isn't direct and honest though. The majority of the site can offer great support and advice and be a real life line to some posters. But not AIBU, if you really do need support do not post there.

blackbirdbluebottle · 17/07/2018 09:12

YANBU there is definitely a mumsnet mafia on here, like a pack of vultures circling...

Worzil10 · 17/07/2018 09:12

Mumsnet guidelines say do not attack other but I see plenty of that going on.
These people wouldn't get away with this behaviour in real life.

MistressDeeCee · 17/07/2018 09:51

A load of big talk from people who are "straight talkers & love that MN isn't all warm and fluffy" - but they're the 1st ones to squeal and hit the report button when you answer them back in the exact way they addressed you.

LadyRussell · 17/07/2018 09:58

People do circle on threads like wolves sometimes.

Esp if the OP is a step mum.

Hexcode16 · 17/07/2018 10:40

It’s the internet, trolls gonna troll! Threads like this gives trolls exactly what they want, they love to cause pain. Best way to deal with trolls is to ignore them, don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they have hurt you. 🙂

LadyBshoFoSho · 17/07/2018 11:08

Yes, some mumnets are mean and even more if you cant spell very good. It like they dont want to help but just be meane.

AirForce0ne · 17/07/2018 11:17

Part of it is that people are brutally honest. In real life, most people lie and tip toe and won't be unpleasant to your face, because it's unnecessary and no one wants to start a fight. In real life, they will still judge you, and comment very honestly behind your back - or just think it.

If you ask in real life: will people judge me for...., the answer will be a polite "no" to your face. In AIBU, you will read what they really think or say behind your back.

What I find unacceptable is posters without an opinion but just an aggressive reply in the style of "fuck off you cunt". Hmm It's not an opinion, it doesn't bring anything to the argument, it's just being unpleasant for the sake of it.

sparkling123 · 17/07/2018 11:59

@AuntieStella I don't think this is a TAAT but since you don't believe that this behaviour happens here's an example. A recent thread was started about someone who had just passed their test, was doing 25 in a 30 zone, got overtaken by a van and given the finger. Here is one persons reply: 'Doing what you've described demonstrates that you're a crap driver'. These kind of comments are all over AIBU, it's not really a mystery why threads like these get started every now and then.

CantankerousCamel · 17/07/2018 12:06

There are rules to Mumsnet;

Nobody is ever properly in love

All marriages are just on the brink of ending

There is only one way to raise a child, all other ways are abusive/neglectful/cruel

sparkling123 · 17/07/2018 12:12

Any change in a partner's behaviour is a red flag, ltb now! 😂

Argeles · 17/07/2018 12:17

I have had some dreadful things said to me, about me, and messaged directly to me on here. I have been ‘psychoanalysed’ and had nasty assumptions and conclusions drawn about my family and I - based merely on opinions I have given.

I have been suffering with depression, and most of the time Mumsnet helps me, but the nasty and rude comments and assumptions really do not.

I wish that some people would stop and think before they write their unhelpful replies - they do not know the person in real life, and what they are going through, and how their words might affect them.

rosesandflowers1 · 17/07/2018 12:20

It's sad.

The world is full of bitter, suspicious people but in the real world there's consequences for it. Behind anonymity, there's no reason why people can't unleash their frustration on some poor person asking for help.

I also think that forums are rather detached - people forget it's someone's life. LTB/NC at the slightest thing to carry on the illusion of a soap opera, useless advice like leave your job/move house as if it's that simple.

You can get very good advice on here but, as in real life, there are sardonic, cynical and plain nasty people on here. Unlike real life, the worst that can happen is MNHQ will delete their comment.

AirForce0ne · 17/07/2018 12:22

You also have to remember that some posters have an agenda. Some have just an opinion, even a robust one, but others have decided that their vision of the world is the only one and will not accept that anyone has different views.

Canshopwillshop · 17/07/2018 12:30

I agree OP and it’s not just in AIBU either. There are some nasty people around. I was the target of one of them last night and it really upset me. Luckily the post was deleted.

TheHalfBloodPrincess · 17/07/2018 12:36

It’s not about being bitchy - we all have different ideas of what that even is and levels of tolerance, but I have seen some horribly sanctimonious shit on here that there’s no need for, and I really can’t see what the poster is getting out of it. For example:

OP: I was giving my 18 month old his bottle when my dh came in, punched me in the face then threw the baby out of the window. What should I do?

Poster: your 18 month old still has a bottle?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/07/2018 12:42

Unfortunately MN is just as likely to have mean people in it as the rest of society is - it is an open forum, and will reflect most, if not all, of the main groups in society - the nice, the nasty, the needy, the helpful, etc etc.

I suspect that previous posters are right, and you are more likely to find meanness in AIBU than in other parts of MN - especially the parts that are set up specifically to support/inform/meet a particular need (ie. Relationships, Bereavement, support for parents of children with disabilities or parents with disabilities, etc)

likeacrow · 17/07/2018 12:43

Definitely. Things can get very personal very quickly. I've been called all sorts for disagreeing with people, from a scruff to a snob and everything in between! I really hope I've never restored to getting personal myself, but I might have in retaliation. I do try not to though!

I think some ppl genuinely take disagreement as a personal attack. I'd love to see how the same people would behave if I met them in real life.

Oh and attacking a poster's spelling or grammar is just fucking lame (unless the post is about spelling/grammar).

likeacrow · 17/07/2018 12:46

*resorted
Oh the irony!

AirForce0ne · 17/07/2018 13:30

*resorted

tss tss

SugarIsAmazing · 17/07/2018 13:36

If you're worried about people being "mean"
Hmm then the good ol' internet is probably not the place for you.

If you can understand that they're just words on a screen typed by someone you don't know (and it means nothing) then you'll be fine.

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you.

Seasawride · 17/07/2018 13:49

I think if people post asking an opinion of a baby name they have not yet deposited on any real baby it’s fine to say exactly what you think.

I have to say I have been here over 10 years and most conflict comes from posters who don’t really like to be told yabu and keep posting ‘no I am not and you lot are mean’

Seasawride · 17/07/2018 13:51

Sgree attacking spelling and grammar takes a special kind of idiot

melse2964 · 17/07/2018 13:54

Yea i wondered this ..some ppl can be just so nasty sometimes

Original poster
Bumble1830 · 17/07/2018 15:17

@ThehalfbloodPrincess. This is exactly what I mean, it's like they just don't get the point at all and just focus on the non issue

OP posts:
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