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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should they have just apologised??

76 replies

Uddhsosihnx · 16/07/2018 22:26

Hello i did start a thread but it dissapeared...
To sum up as the last one was long
My ex and father to my son (19mo) remarried when he was a few months old.
His wife always seemed pleasant enough and despite the circumstances I have tried hard to maintain a co operative parent relationship.
The last time DS stayed at theirs i ask how he is in the morning and get sent some pictures and a message (on fb messenger) stating ex was still asleep DS is fine.
However 2 of the pictures are of DS in the sink with no clothes on or bubbles or toys to cover anything and preserve his modesty
So i reply saying he looks like he has had a great time although I have said to ex I dont want naked pictures of my children being taken (i see no need?!) And i especially dont want them sent over the internet or shared anywhere else.
His wife replies saying 'well lets just accept that everyone is different eh'
I was furious at the assumption her opnion was equal to mine never mind more important especially re something like this
Its all spiralled now with ex blocking me after i demanded they deleted the photos
AIBU?

OP posts:

Snowysky20009 · 16/07/2018 22:50

Slight over reaction there.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/07/2018 22:51

Sorry maithancailin, what? Where do you leave your phone that strangers can access your photos?

If OP doesn’t want naked photos of her beautiful baby I’m sure she’ll delete them. I’m sure she already has. That’s fuck all to do with her ex or his wife having taken them and being kind enough to send them to her when she butted in on ex’s time with his son.

This child has two equal parents. Being a man or a remarried man doesn’t lessen his rights or abilities to look after his child or to take photos of him.

Moreisnnogedag · 16/07/2018 22:52

Yeah I think perhaps you should apologise. Absolutely if this was on social media but this was just to you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/07/2018 22:55

Of course it’s hard OP but your ex will feel the same about not seeing his baby every day and he doesn’t seem to be dictating how you parent on your time.

You’ve gone off the deep end and they’re angry and blocked you but you can still reach out and tell them both you’re sorry for losing your rag and trying to dictate what they do in their home and while neither of your baby’s parents will find it easy being away from him but you’d like a chance to coparent successfully again.

Original poster

Uddhsosihnx · 16/07/2018 22:56

Thank you maith, i think my wishes should be respected too.

OP posts:

pictish · 16/07/2018 22:57

Come on now. He’s in his dad’s home with his dad’s wife doing normal family stuff...it’s nice that she sent a photo. That’s all. Don’t even.

Mintychoc1 · 16/07/2018 22:57

I’ve never seen prudery like this in my life!! “Cover up his modesty“???!!!! He’s a toddler!!

KokoandAllBall · 16/07/2018 22:57

It might be for the best to contact them and apologize for overreacting? They didn't put the pics on FB. As for taking them in the first place, it's not something I ever did, but I have had some sent to me by family members - nieces and nephews, my little half sibling. I'm a bit about it, but it doesn't mean they're wrong. Just because you don't take pics of your DS in the bath doesn't mean his DF can't. Just say sorry.

maithancailin · 16/07/2018 23:00

I don't think taking a photo of anyone's genitals without their permission is ok, baby or otherwise. What's the issue with covering the child up?

Are you telling me you haven't ever shown someone a photo on your phone only for them to flick back too far in your photos? Never lost a phone? Never had your email /WhatsApp hacked?

pictish · 16/07/2018 23:01

No...you want to assume some control while he’s at his dad’s....but that’s his time and if he, as his father, is happy for his wife to take an innocent photo, then it’s fine.

Sirzy · 16/07/2018 23:02

Why do your wishes have to come above his fathers wishes?

Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 23:02

maithThey are not taking photos of genitals ffs. It’s a baby in a bath.

And no, I’ve had none of those things happen. And I probably have far worse photos in my phone!

Original poster

Uddhsosihnx · 16/07/2018 23:04

Minty are toddlers not entitled to it then? Because they cant express their choice?
Also the internet and life isnt filled with normal innocent people and taking a risk to expose a child just seems irresponsible.
Ex does ask for pictures and we would send eachother them regularly of DS having fun etc
I will speak to ex tommorw and take it from there

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 23:06

He didn’t put it on the Internet. He sent it to you.

He has done nothing wrong so pick your battles.

Honeyroar · 16/07/2018 23:06

She was trying to send you a nice friendly message with some cute photos of your son and she got an OTT lecture in reply...

Bibesia · 16/07/2018 23:10

I was furious at the assumption her opnion was equal to mine never mind more important especially re something like this

Your child's father's opinion is equal to yours, and he obviously has no problem with this. When it comes to deciding on what photos he takes or keeps, his opinion does come first. There isn't a risk in sending a photo to his mother via Messenger.

You say you take photographs of your son and send them by similar means. You do realise, don't you, that paedophiles are interested in children whether they have clothes on or not? You correctly work on the basis that there is no risk involved in you sending photographs to your ex; the same applies in reverse.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 16/07/2018 23:12

I’m sure my mum has photos of me in the bath from 35 (ahem) 30 years ago. I couldn’t care less.

EdWinchester · 16/07/2018 23:12

You're being very silly.

SimonBridges · 16/07/2018 23:12

Also the internet and life isnt filled with normal innocent people and taking a risk to expose a child just seems irresponsible.

Well it’s a good job she didn’t post them online then.
Why do your wishes trump that of his father?

usedtobedomme · 16/07/2018 23:14

Oh dear. Bit of an over reaction there.

Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 23:14

Ask yourself. If you were still in a relationship and he sent you this photo would you still have been as outraged?

usedtobedomme · 16/07/2018 23:15

Not one picture would I ever send you again after you reacting like that

Rocinante1 · 16/07/2018 23:19

Everyone here had disagreed with you, and we've only seen your OP. I imagine you sent them a lot if messages and phone calls demanding the pictures be deleted? They've blocked you do you must have been quite pushy/hysterical/harassy... So how many messages or phone calls did they take from you?

Apologise

TheTroublesomestTribble · 16/07/2018 23:19

Yanbu OP, I hate this...

I believe we have a responsibility to our DCs to treat them as actual people I.e. With respect, not as if they were our pets or something. I also hate it when parents take/post pics of their DCs when they're poorly, or mid- tantrum, so unkind...

Neither do I think your ex has permission to overrule you on this. It is generally accepted that if consensus can't be reached, then the 'no' gets the deciding vote. This is one of those situations and it is an arse for behaving like this.

TheTroublesomestTribble · 16/07/2018 23:19

*he is an arse

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