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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my son should spend some time at home?

79 replies

thirtysquirty · 16/07/2018 20:32

DS is 19 and on a gap year, due to start at university in October.
He's worked the rest of the year and has finished his work contract for his "summer".

He's just come back from a couple of weeks in Europe travelling, then went straight to camping with his friends family. He's now home today and we have 5 days before we go on a family trip to another part of the UK but has informed me he's going to see his friends in London and will leave tomorrow and make his own way to the family trip.

We live rurally and he can't drive, has no friends here, says it's boring and it is quite a deprived area. DH and I work full time but have a dog at home that needs looking after.

He's going on another holiday with us after this one coming, but then is home for a few days before going off to Europe again and then jetting off to Australia for a month without coming home. He has paid for this with his job pay though to be fair.

AIBU to think that he should spend some time at home with us? I get that this is his gap year/summer, but he's always the same in having jam packed breaks with no time spent with mum and dad. I feel a bit neglected, even though he'll be with us for our family trips, it'd be nice if he was there at home during the evenings after work and to walk the dog etc.

AIBU, or is this part of growing up?

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 16/07/2018 20:35

You just said you work full time... when would he really see you? He’d spend most of his time looking after your dog surely..?

You don’t get much of a life window to do this stuff, of course he should be out living!

MatchsticksForMyEyesReturns · 16/07/2018 20:36

I can't imagine many 19 year olds wanting to sit around waiting for you and his dad to finish work with only the dog for company and nothing to do. He's coming on the family holidays, I'd cut him some slack.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 16/07/2018 20:36

Oh god no! He's going on holiday with you isn't he?! (I didn't do that at 19!) Sounds like he's having the time of his life, why would you want to curtail that so he can walk the dog and be bored?

Royallypissedoff1 · 16/07/2018 20:36

He's only being unreasonable if you haven't spoken to him about it.
Does he know how you feel? If so then it seems a bit harsh that he doesn't want to come home. Do you think there could be another reason for this? Would you say you had a good relationship?

CMOTDibbler · 16/07/2018 20:36

YABU. At least he's not lazing round the place and is grabbing all of life!

Gillian1980 · 16/07/2018 20:37

Yabu.

He’s an adult with what sounds like a really busy, active and exciting year ahead. Let him make the most of it!

GreenEyedBlonde · 16/07/2018 20:38

He's living his life - don't cling x

9amTrain · 16/07/2018 20:38

"We live rurally and he can't drive, has no friends here, says it's boring and it is quite a deprived area. DH and I work full time but have a dog at home that needs looking after."

This is why. YABU.

Fadingmemory · 16/07/2018 20:38

This ^

Bambamber · 16/07/2018 20:38

All part of growing up, he is enjoying travelling while he can. At that age I think it's normal for spending time with mum and dad to be low priority, after all he can see you anytime but the opportunity to travel so much may not come around again

NameChangingParanoid · 16/07/2018 20:39

Do you remember being 19 OP?

DramaAlpaca · 16/07/2018 20:39

I know how you feel, I've been there, but yes it's part of growing up. It's normal to miss him, but give yourself a pat on the back for having done a great job raising such an independent young man Flowers

Bambamber · 16/07/2018 20:39

And why would he want to stay at home and look after your dog for you when he could be off travelling

drinkyourmilk · 16/07/2018 20:39

I get where you are coming from totally - but this is one of the only times in his life he can be completely care free and really adventure. Enjoy seeing him animated by the tales he tells you. Enjoy the holidays you have coming up together. And be proud that you raised such a competent, responsible, adventurous young man.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 16/07/2018 20:39

Get a dog walker/sitter?

ggirl · 16/07/2018 20:40

YABU - you just need a dogwalker

SneakyGremlins · 16/07/2018 20:40

You sound like you want him to just be a dog sitter for you.

covetingthepreciousthings · 16/07/2018 20:41

Yabu. I think he's perfectly reasonable to travel whilst he is young & has no commitments.

You need to get a dog walker, you can't expect him to look after the dog whilst you're at work.

Grilledaubergines · 16/07/2018 20:42

YABU. He’s an adult living his life. Be happy for him that his life is full.

LoveInTokyo · 16/07/2018 20:43

YABVU.

saoirse31 · 16/07/2018 20:45

He sounds great, you've clearly done a great job, so enjoy the time you have together and wave him off happily!

DitheringBlidiot · 16/07/2018 20:46

So you want him to sit around the house all day and walk the dog Amd see for a few hours before you go to bed and then rinse and repeat? It isn't like he's not spending time with you, you sound like you just want someone to walk the dog.

DitheringBlidiot · 16/07/2018 20:47

And see you that should read!

QuinnElle · 16/07/2018 20:49

I was out in my own home at 18, living my life. If you want a dog sitter pay for one. He's an adult now and living his life.

wellBeehivedWoman · 16/07/2018 20:49

Sorry, but YAB a bit U. He's doing exactly what a 19 year old on a gap year should be doing - having an amazing time and getting some life experience. You've said yourself that if he stayed with you he would be stick in a deprived and rural area while you're at work. Much better that he make the most of this time while he has it!