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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with DH for inappropriate comment to friend...

59 replies

tweedles1511 · 16/07/2018 11:32

Had a wedding this weekend and DH got smashed. Was with all his mates and I knew he would get loose, was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for was for one of his mates wives to come up to me and tell me he'd gone up to her on the dance floor and told her he fancied a 'dry hump'... she obviously found it funny and saw it as a joke and I tried to laugh it off when she told me. Later in the evening she came back again and said he kept following her around. I'm pregnant and so was sober and just found it really humiliating.

I told him how it made me feel and he was very sorry and embarrassed and said it was just a bad joke but I'm really struggling to see the funny side. I know he would never actually do anything but still just doesn't sit well with me. Don't know if the pregnancy is just making me ultra sensitive or if I'm right to be p***d off.

OP posts:

Teaandcrisps · 16/07/2018 11:34

Was he following her around? What did you see?

Cismyass · 16/07/2018 11:34

He sounds utterly repulsive OP.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 16/07/2018 11:34

YANBU I'd be massively upset by that pregnant or not. Honestly he shouldn't drink that much if it'll make him behave like that.

Didntsaveadeposit · 16/07/2018 11:35

You're quite right to be pissed off. It does just sound like a joke gone wrong, but was really shitty behaviour on your husband's part especially given that you are pregnant.

If he doesn't have form for it then I'd just hope that he fully understands what awful behaviour it was and never tries it again.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 11:36

Eh, yeah, this is not about your pregnancy hormonones.

He got drunk and was hitting on a friends wife and she was letting you know. I doubt she found it funny, just was trying to alleviate the issue and soften it for you.

Justanothernameonthepage · 16/07/2018 11:38

I'd ask him to explain the joke. Was it that he wanted to embarrass his pregnant wife or intimidate another women? Just keep asking him where the humour is in making himself out to be a sexual pest or is it that he just wants to appear really unsexy.

Original poster

tweedles1511 · 16/07/2018 11:39

To be honest I was just trying to avoid it all - but at one point her and I were standing together and he completely by passed me and over dramatically kissed her on the hand and spun her around to dance. She was gesturing to me as if to say 'here is your wife', just so embarrassing!

OP posts:

Branleuse · 16/07/2018 11:40

id be very very fucked off and humiliated by that. He could get to fuck

AhoyDelBoy · 16/07/2018 11:43

Your update casts him in an even worse light. I’d be pissed off about this, pregnant or not!

rosesandflowers1 · 16/07/2018 11:43

Oh I'd be fuming. Humiliating for me and himself, and your friend was probably very uncomfortable.

If he can't control himself drunk, he shouldn't drink.

SomeKnobend · 16/07/2018 11:44

What a horrible shitbag. I'd wonder what on earth he gets up to when you're not there if he carries on like that in front of your face. I agree the friend didn't find it funny at all, she wanted to make you aware and appeal for your help but without making a fuss.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 11:45

Yeah, as I thought, he was hitting on her.

Scummy behaviour in front of her husband and you.

I'd be wondering what he does when you're not there.

Popc0rn · 16/07/2018 11:46

Your husband sounds like a drunken creep tbh. If one of my boyfriend's friends said anything about a "dry hump" to me, I'd be mortified and avoid him from that point on. My boyfriend isn't jealous or possessive in the slightest and has a good sense of humour...but I don't think he'd find it funny if one of his mates said something like that to me.

Thebluedog · 16/07/2018 11:46

I’d be pissed off and embarrassed and also concerned.

What would happen if he was at a random pub, got pissed with his mates and was chatting to a woman, told her he fancied a ‘dry hump’ and she said yes. So you think he’d then not cheat on you? I think if he’s pissed enough to make a tit out of himself and say that to a friends wife, he’d be pissed enough to shag someone else
Yadnbu

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/07/2018 11:48

I'm really struggling to see the funny side.

That's because there isn't one.
I'm glad he's embarrassed.
He damn well aught to be.

Original poster

tweedles1511 · 16/07/2018 11:49

Thanks ladies, this is making me better about feeling that it is an issue. The drink is clearly a problem. But also his mates - they are all the same. When I said if he thought the husband would find it funny he said yes. And to be honest I agree he probably would I wouldn't put it passed the husband to do something similar.

Doesn't make it OK, just reinforces that there's a wider problem though not sure how we go about resolving.

OP posts:

Snowysky20009 · 16/07/2018 11:49

Sorry but he's a knob. Flirting and hit on another women basically in front of you. She told you because she was uncomfortable, and I'm guessing hoping you would say something to stop it.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 11:51

I think where I struggle with threads like this is the assertion "I know he would never actually do anything"

For sure he would if she'd said yes. That was the whole point of him going after her, repeatedly and for a prolonged period.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 16/07/2018 11:55

YANBU he’s a massive disgusting knob and it would creep me out if a guy did that to me so I can only imagine how your poor friend felt. I hope he feels very embarrassed over that he deserves too the dirty creepy pig.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/07/2018 11:59

A bad joke? Fuck that. Is he always like this when he's drunk OP?

Original poster

tweedles1511 · 16/07/2018 12:00

Yeah I guess I don't believe he would have because it's literally one of his best friend's wives. If it was a random girl then who knows... He's normally a pretty shy guy - drinking all day just unleashes a different person, and I guess up until now I've always just let him get on with it but I just feel like this was just stepping beyond the line.

He offered to message her apologising and I said no it would just make it worse but maybe he should?

OP posts:

Branleuse · 16/07/2018 12:00

i cant imagine how id feel if a friends husband treated me like that. I think id avoid both of them

yorkshireyummymummy · 16/07/2018 12:02

I think you need to have a very serious chat with him - and his drinking would be top of the list. He obviously turns into a creep who has zero respect for his pregnant wife when he’s drunk - so he HAS to stop getting drunk. Fullstop, no let out clauses.
Because I would be worried that if he behaves like this when you are there, what does he do when you are not there??
And how many times have we heard/read ”of course, he would never actually do anything” before.................because my dear, they do. They always do.

Serious , cards on table talk time I think.

Original poster

tweedles1511 · 16/07/2018 12:03

@GreatDuckCookery I'd say he'll get really smashed at a wedding or something maybe once or twice a year but then that is probably the only time he gets an opportunity.

I've never had problems with him flirting obviously with girls before - well not since we were in our early twenties (we are now into our thirties!!) but he is most definitely an a**e when pissed.

OP posts:

Popc0rn · 16/07/2018 12:06

"When I said if he thought the husband would find it funny he said yes."

Bullshit. She didn't find it funny did she, she was obviously uncomfortable. I doubt her husband would have found it funny either. Some of my boyfriends friends will make flirty jokes to me in front of my boyfriend - nothing as far as humping though! And always in conversation with my boyfriend.

They have never said anything inappropriate to me 1-1 and wouldn't as a "joke". In my opinion flirty 1-1 "jokes" are not lighthearted jokes; they are to suss out the woman's response. Men know how men think, her husband wouldnt have found this funny, especially not from his best friend.

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