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AIBU?

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Original poster

To check or expect access to your partner's phone or computer,?

75 replies

mademybed123 · 15/07/2018 20:28

Would you be happy for your DP to access your phone?

Do you expect to, or actively check, your partner's phone?

If you found your DP snooping what would your response be?

OP posts:
RabbitsAreTasty · 15/07/2018 20:30

A relationship cannot survive without trust.

Lethaldrizzle · 15/07/2018 20:30

No we do not check each other's phones. I'm not particularly interested in what's on his and vice versa

RedPanda2 · 15/07/2018 20:31

Bored are we, daily fail?

newcupcake · 15/07/2018 20:31

We know each other's passcodes if we ever needed to make a call etc but never check them , no reason to

Attic14 · 15/07/2018 20:32

Yeah he can bash on. Got nothing to hide but I’d like to know the reason for the distrust so I could reassure or see where something is going wrong

Bambamber · 15/07/2018 20:33

Me and my husband use each other's phones all the time. In fact he specifically got the same phone as me so I would find it easier to use his, we use whichever one is to hand as I often don't have mine. Never have I ever snooped. Never has he snooped that I know of. It would be the most boring snoop if he did.

If he asked me to check my phone I would be very angry. I would let him, but we would be having a serious discussion about trust

RB68 · 15/07/2018 20:33

If I caught him snooping deliberately as in he suspected me of something would be annoyed however we both have access to each others in terms of know the pins and swipes. If mine rings and its near him he can answer and vice versa, he and I both have access to laptops and know each others passwords for laptops but not nec for webpages and sites e.g. amazon, bank etc but if needed do share e.g. amazon prime on hubs account not mine so I order via his and he is happy to let me have access

Original poster
mademybed123 · 15/07/2018 20:34

Lol not daily fail. Just curiosity. Never myself or i have security locks on our phones and i wonder if he is going to be tempted to check mine at all...

It seems to be reasonably common for DP to snoop?

OP posts:
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 15/07/2018 20:34

My husband did this. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him. It has had a huge impact on my trust for him. Things don't feel like they will ever be the same again.
(For perspective, this is a few months in - I hope things will improve eventually.)

gamerchick · 15/07/2018 20:34

Are you doing a survey? Is this one of these mythical surveys that we see that we've never heard of on morning telly?

soapboxqueen · 15/07/2018 20:34

I sometimes read my husbands text messages because he's funny 😂 but I don't 'check' it. I'd have a problem if he suddenly said I could not access his phone because that's suspicious as all hell.

He'd just use my phone too.

Sparklesocks · 15/07/2018 20:34

I trust my DP so wouldn’t snoop through his phone or PC.
If he snooped through mine I would find it a huge breach of trust and would assume he didn’t trust me, which would have a massively negative impact on our relationship.

Gatehouse77 · 15/07/2018 20:35

DH and I would happily give each other our phones to use, and do on occasion. There would be no 'expect' about it.

If I felt the need to 'check' up on him then we wouldn't be together - if I can't trust him then there's no future as far as I'm concerned.

Sirzy · 15/07/2018 20:37

I wouldn’t be happy with snooping, but we both use each other’s phones and stuff so they aren’t hidden!

Readyfortheschoolhols · 15/07/2018 20:38

I had a mad idea to check up on dh. He had been a bit busy on his phone of late. ....
Saw an email /receipt for a big surprise he had ordered me. Was gutted I had spoilt it. And he was distraught I hadn't trusted him.
Never again.

Hidillyho · 15/07/2018 20:39

Both have access to each others. Both have each others fingerprints enabled and have the same passcode. I snoop on his when I’m bored but it’s nothing more than different phone so different features. He’s happy to let me. I’m not sure if he looks on mine but I don’t really care either way. We have nothing to hide

Lana1234 · 15/07/2018 20:39

I know my partners passcode but wouldn’t “go through” his phone as I trust him. Only reason I could think of accessing it would be for a number of one of his family or something. He knows mine and I think he’s the same, he trusts me so wouldn’t look through or anything. It’s not healthy to look through someone’s phone, it either means you don’t trust them or they are actually up to something dodgy

Okaassan · 15/07/2018 20:41

Absolutely not.

We are all entitled to privacy and our phones are our own personal space. We have the understanding that if one of us suspects anything then the other is to hand the phone over without question. This means the person asking must be pretty sure of something to ask in the first place.

We arranged this based on discussions around other couples who do snoop on each other's phones and social media.

I like it this way.

MoonFaced · 15/07/2018 20:41

My dh and I both know each other's passcodes and sometimes use each other's phones. I don't know whether he snoops on my phone but I doubt it. I sometimes snoop his Instagram but not because I don't trust him, but because i want to see the private accounts of some people that he is "friends" with but I'm not. So I guess I'm not really snooping on him, more insta-stalking other people. I don't read his messages, look at his call log, look at the search history, look at Facebook etc although I don't think he'd care even if I did. And I wouldn't care if he looked at my messages.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 15/07/2018 20:42

My DH and I have access to each other's phones but only because we're not secretive, if he demanded or felt he had a right to access my phone I would find it controlling and I think he would too.

Oldaintallthat · 15/07/2018 20:43

We expect access but we don't check

AlonsosLeftPinky · 15/07/2018 20:43

No. My phone, laptop and tablet are private and the only person with access to them is me, which is how it will stay.

I've never felt the need or desire to check anything of my husbands.

And if someone attempted to hack into any of my devices or accounts then the relationship would be over.

barleyfive · 15/07/2018 20:55

We sometimes use eachothers to watch something or have a look at something, but not to snoop- for me that is a sign that the trust is gone.

GrammarShammer · 15/07/2018 20:56

my dh sorts most of my tech out it would be tricky to hide it - sometimes text comes in and he reads them I dont mind at all because I have nothing to hide.

Mammalamb · 15/07/2018 21:03

I don’t “expect” access and DH doesn’t expect access to mine. But I don’t hide my phone either and we share access to the laptop.

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