To check or expect access to your partner's phone or computer,?

[mademybed123]

Would you be happy for your DP to access your phone?

Do you expect to, or actively check, your partner's phone?

If you found your DP snooping what would your response be?

[QuackPorridgeBacon]

If it was an emergency, you an make those calls without inputting a password, so that argument is flawed.

Apart from the obvious “999” I don’t actually know any numbers from memory, except my own. If I needed to call someone urgently and my phone was dead hen having his passcode if he is busy doing something is handy. I’ll always shout to him that I’m about to use his phone but I wouldn’t say having eachothers passcode or fingerprint access is not healthy. So the emergency argument isn’t flawed actually.

[WTFnnoh]

Christ alive of course not! I’d be raging if my husband went through my private phone and computer. Not because I keep anything dodge on there but because after seven years together, sharing everything together I need—for my own sanity—some kind of personal space and privacy. We trust each other and have nothing to hide but I need something that’s just mine alone.

[NotAnotherUserName5]

Why would I need his password? Why would my DH need mine?

If it was an emergency, you an make those calls without inputting a password, so that argument is flawed.

It’s not a healthy sign of either of you feel the need to be able to snoop!

[vixen71]

DH and I both know each others passwords, none of us snoop.
We have nothing to hide or be secretive about so why would we ever be bothered if one looked through the others phone etc? I just don't get couples who would be irate if the other had a look at their phone, they must be either embarrassed by what is on their phone? or keeping secrets... Simple.
I know many, many people both male & female who have suspected their partner of cheating, just a feeling but no proof, thinking they are going insane, their partner telling them they ARE going insane, Only to find when they had a look at their partners phone, they were 100% right.
I feel that it is extremely stupid to ignore your gut feeling and I know that if you don't trust them you should just leave, no trust, Blah blah.
But everyone needs proof, whether some wish to admit it or not.
And I bet the first people to check their partners phones if they had any suspicions would be the very people who claim they wouldn't.

[notacooldad]

I've never felt the need to snoop on DP.
As far as I am aware I have not been snooped on.
We both answer each others calls if the other is unavailable. The phones are left randomly about the house when we are in so if DP is in the shower and the phone goes I would take a message.
If I caught DP snooping I would be surprised because it would be out of character but not bothered.

[BounceAndClimb]

@demented if my phone is on charge, or out of battery when we're out.
To look at photos on his phone.
Because its the closest phone to pick up.
To use the app on it that controls the TV.

Plenty of reasons, but no reason why either of us wouldn't want the other on ours.
If there's something I don't want DP to see eg. A surprise present then I just clear it from history and shut the page after.

[LittleMermaidRose]

I have a nosey at my dp's phone all the time, he's got nothing to hide, I just like a snoop. I don't like him going on mine, but I've got nothing to hide, I'm just a hypocrite hahahaha!

[dementedma]

why would you need to have access to your DPs phone? I don't even know what kind of phone DH has, never mind the passcode.
we are two individuals who happen to be married to each other - still entitled to your own privacy.
DH tried to be nosy and hack into my phone once. It very nearly ended in divorce. Opening each other's mail is an absolute no go too. I'm his wife, not his possession

[tillytrotter1]

I'm the one who's tech-savy so I can access all the bank accounts etc. he has no idea but that's because he can't be bothered. If I die first he'll be in a real mess!
In relation to the original question, would you expect it to be a two way street, each has access to the others emails, messages etc, etc?

[DramaAlpaca]

Would you be happy for your DP to access your phone? Yes if necessary, if he'd left his phone at work or something. I've nothing to hide. We both have the same passcode, it's a family one.

Do you expect to, or actively check, your partner's phone? Absolutely not, it would be a complete breach of trust.

If you found your DP snooping what would your response be? He wouldn't, but if he did I'd be hurt & pissed off.

[speakout]

We don't check each other's devices- no.

We do trust each other.

[SugarIsAmazing]

My partner and I can access both phones and the pc. In fact I quite often get him to 'clear out' my phone when it's lagging as I don't know how to do it and I answer his phone and texts if he's driving.
We also have each others passwords to FB, Ebay, and the bank accounts etc.
Never feel the need to snoop though.

[gamerchick]

Man De ja vu.

m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10156717996407122&id=81985202121

[BounceAndClimb]

We only use DPs laptop mines old and slow, and both know each others phone passwords and will use each others to check photos/go on if ours is on charge.

[Skarossinkplungerridesagain]

We don't have access to each others phones, I wouldn't ask him for his pass code and if I caught him snooping I'd leave him.

[happymummy12345]

My husband and I have no reason not to trust each other. But we do both know each other's phone passwords, and have each other's fingerprints set up to unlock them as well.
Purely for the same reason we know each other's back card PIN numbers, email passwords, laptop and i pad passwords. Just because we do. No reason why we wouldn't. But no we never go snooping or checking on each other's things at all.

[HeyDolly]

To expect to check each other’s phones? Absolutely not. It’s not a healthy relationship if there is no trust. The only reason to check is if there is already suspicion which means the relationship is already on a downward spiral imo.

To expect to be able to use their phone or laptop if I need to or vice versa? Why on earth wouldn’t I let my partner use my phone if his was broken etc? The only reason to be cagey about it is if there is something to hide.

[IFartGlitter]

I’m torn on this. I would never check my Dh’s phone or tablet, I would always say no, I trust him. I’m 10 months on from finding out about his affair, it started via WhatsApp messages to an old friend of his that turned flirty, they then met up for quickies during his lunch breaks at work.

I only found out because her husband found messages on her phone and made my Dh tell me. He ended the affair 6 months previously. He thought he had got away with it. I had my suspicions but still didn’t check his phone, if I had I would have found out sooner.

After a lot of work we decided to try to save our marriage, he gives me access to all his passwords, but, I haven’t looked, I’m trying hard not to turn into ‘that person’ I struggle with this daily.

I wish I had checked his phone at the time but I didn’t want to breach his privacy. I guess some would call me an stupid for taking him back and not checking up on him. I want to trust him and part of me says checking his phone isn’t the way to go about it, part of me however....

As I said, I’m torn.

[adaline]

I’m not sure why you wouldn’t be when you live with someone

Because couples who live together are still entitled to privacy. Are your friends happy with the fact that their private messages to you are in fact no longer private? Would you be happy if you sent your friend a personal message about something and their husband read it because he was allowed free access to her phone?

[LizzieSiddal]

Constant paranoi/checking is not healthy and not ok, but by the attitudes on MN sometimes his right to privacy trumps my right to make educated decisions about my life
I agree with you Hopefully. If there are sudden weird, changes in someone’s behaviour, their phone is the first thing I would check!

[bellinisurge]

Never occurred to me once to check. Vice versa. We are adults.

[Gottagetmoving]

We don't snoop on each other's phones or Laptops.
I wouldn't expect DP to go into my handbag or purse either.

[Dommina]

I was in an EA relationship for 4 years. They checked my phone, email, Facebook, etc daily because they were sure I was cheating. One of the many things they did to belittle me.

For that reason I actively tell partners I do not want access to their phones etc, nor do I want them to ever look at mine. I also know that if I do have access, I snoop. It's a compulsion, so I make sure that I don't know passwords and things.

I think everyone is entitled to a private space.

[HopefullyAnonymous]

I think it’s very easy for those in happy, trusting relationships to say “oh, I would never that”. I checked DHs phone. I had a feeling something was up and I was right; he was having an affair.

Constant paranoi/checking is not healthy and not ok, but by the attitudes on MN sometimes his right to privacy trumps my right to make educated decisions about my life

[LizzieSiddal]

We have access to each other’s phones and laptops/iPads, including emails (we run a company and sometimes ask each other to find an email the other has sent/received, if not near computer). I don’t acively “snoop”, Dh May have, who knows but it doesn’t bother me really, it’s all very boring.

After being on MN for many years and also from RL, a partner suddenly “guarding” their phone and being cagey about access, is a sure sign someone is having or thinking about having, an affair. So I would be suspicious in that scenario.