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Original poster

Wedding present- wanting views please

96 replies

Felixandtheflippers · 15/07/2018 12:14

Been invited to a wedding in the summer. I have heard through the grapevine that they would like money as a gift. I am unsure of how much is an acceptable amount and would like some views please! It is a single invite (so just myself going) and we are in Scotland (and I have been invited to the whole wedding). I currently earn £22k a year so not hugely rich but also not permanently skint! I was thinking £30-40 but I don’t know if this is too low an amount? Would really appreciate some views on what people think is an acceptable amount in this situation. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
XiCi · 15/07/2018 21:45

Already explained upthread motoko that I don't think that at all. I said it was less likely which it obviously is.

keyboardkate · 15/07/2018 23:33

Just reading back, and TBH I would prefer to give a decent money gift and decline the invite! Saves a fortune really! No outfit, hair do, make up, journey to and fro, overnight, bar bill etc. and so on. For what?

I dislike weddings you see, unless they are within my own immediate family.

Weddings outside of that (for me) are painful so it is worth it to give a decent gift and bail out! They won't miss me at all and will go to the next potential guest on the list I reckon....

FASH84 · 16/07/2018 00:09

@HumDingIt

Why would anyone give those HONY books unless the couple had a new York connection? It's so random?

TwoBlueShoes · 16/07/2018 00:19

keyboardkate

My parents have started doing that. We have a lot of family living at the far end of the country. My parents just send a nice card and 50 quid and that’s it done. My aunt went to the last wedding and it cost her a small fortune which was hard for her as she’s newly retired. Travel, accommodation, food, drink, outfit, plus money gift. It can really add up.

HumDingIt · 16/07/2018 06:59

Why would anyone give those HONY books unless the couple had a new York connection? It's so random?

Have you seen them? They are really cool. About people, not NY. They are excellent. My friend was really pleased with them and after looking at them I bought some myself, they're lovely.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 16/07/2018 07:00

I don't live rurally but I don't know anyone who gets their hair or makeup done for a wedding! For my own wedding I had a 'makeover' at the Clinique counter and did my own on the day. I did have my hair done but I hated it and wished I hadn't bothered. It looked lovely but it wasn't me and all the pins gave me a headache. No way would I do that for someone else's wedding!

Monty27 · 16/07/2018 07:06

They shouldn't be asking for anything! Grrrr
I hate that. Your monetary Idea is more than suffice OP.
Take a picture, buy a lovely frame and give it to them later.
From your heart. Shock

Motoko · 16/07/2018 08:47

They shouldn't be asking for anything! Grrrr

Well, they haven't. OP said there was nothing about gifts on the invitation, but she heard on the grapevine that they would like money. It's quite normal for people to want to give the B&G a gift, so perhaps someone asked them what they would like, and they said money, as they don't need anything.

MrsElijahMikaelson · 16/07/2018 10:05

Good question OP.

I'm maid of honour at my friends wedding this weekend- and I'm struggling to come to an amount.

The hotel room is costing £165.
My DP has just paid £180 for a suit.
Drinks all day and night, £80 each at least.
Need a hand bag...

Luckily DP said he would give £20 towards it so I was thinking £40 all together. We have a lot coming up and money's tight!

Lauren83 · 16/07/2018 10:07

We always put £100 in from me and DP, it's always full day and evening we have been to

MadisonAvenue · 16/07/2018 10:18

We've got a family wedding next month where money has been asked for, and it's costing us a fair bit to attend as it's Summer holidays and is in a tourist area so the cheapest hotel is still quite expensive, we have a three hour drive there too (plus it's midweek so there's time to be taken off work).

We feel obliged to be there though as it's my husband's nephew (even though we rarely see him) and I'm struggling with how much we should give. It's been a VERY expensive year for us and I'm wondering if we'll be judged for giving £30 or if they're true to their word when they say that people being there will be the greatest gift anyone could give Hmm

SparklyGlitterPants · 16/07/2018 10:42

@lastnight

That is shocking behavior. I'm Irish got married 2 years ago and certainly didn't think or behave like that. Neither have any of my extended family who have gotten married. I've literally had a wedding to attend every 6-9 months over the last 5 years (there's a hell of a lot of us).

The behavior you are on about is just beyond crass. Just goes to show money does not equate to class.

Op whatever you can afford is to give is the right amount. The couple (whom I am assuming are nice regular people and not cfs) want you there because they like you and want you to share in their day not because of how much money you will give.

sockunicorn · 16/07/2018 11:08

Are you in Liverpool or Newcastle? The women there seem to be much more highly groomed than anywhere else I have ever visited. It’s not the norm elsewhere in the country.

im liverpool and yes, hair, tan if winter and needed , nails and make up done for every event. christenings/weddings/nights out. Makes it more fun and turns the event into a 3 day thing of being pampered and chatting to my nail girls etc :)

PixelDust · 16/07/2018 18:48

They shouldn't be asking for anything! Grrrr
I hate that. Your monetary Idea is more than suffice OP.
Take a picture, buy a lovely frame and give it to them later.
From your heart

Don't do that!

honey7 · 16/07/2018 18:54

£30 is fine

IMissGin · 16/07/2018 18:56

We’ve given £70-100 for friends (as a couple) around £200 for my best friend and I’m about to give £500 to my sister but that’s towards her wedding dress

LaurieMarlow · 16/07/2018 20:28

Take a picture, buy a lovely frame and give it to them later.

Yes, don't do this. They don't need the mumsnet patented silver photo frame they haven't asked for.

BlueTears · 16/07/2018 20:34

My DH and I gave £100 at a wedding once but they were very close friends and we're equally generous at our wedding.

£20 is more than enough for someone you don't know well / isn't a close friend / family member.

Anyone turning their nose up at any present is rude!

Nancydrawn · 16/07/2018 20:43

That amount is perfectly acceptable. If you feel up to topping it to £50 for the roundness of the number, then do it; otherwise, stick to what you suggested.

As for the 'grapevine' part, actually it's far more elegant to do it this way than to make a dumb little poem and put it on the invite.

Deadringer · 16/07/2018 20:58

lastnight as pp have said, that is absolutely not normal behaviour for an Irish wedding. It would be considered very vulgar to discuss the gifts or money that have been received and to add it up in front of people is shocking. In Ireland no one asks for money, but everyone gives it, and yes it would be 100 + euro per guest. However if someone couldn't afford it there would be no expectation and most brides and grooms would hate if people didn't attend because of the cost. I would say that 50 is a good amount as long as you can afford it.

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