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Original poster

Wedding present- wanting views please

96 replies

Felixandtheflippers · 15/07/2018 12:14

Been invited to a wedding in the summer. I have heard through the grapevine that they would like money as a gift. I am unsure of how much is an acceptable amount and would like some views please! It is a single invite (so just myself going) and we are in Scotland (and I have been invited to the whole wedding). I currently earn £22k a year so not hugely rich but also not permanently skint! I was thinking £30-40 but I don’t know if this is too low an amount? Would really appreciate some views on what people think is an acceptable amount in this situation. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/07/2018 17:08

By the time you've hair, makeup and outfit done

I've never had my hair or makeup done for a wedding! I've already got makeup so wouldn't need to buy more (I might get my nails done). I wouldn't have my hair done either - I might try and time the colour so it was done the week before but that's it.

SmellMyBeads · 15/07/2018 17:17

If you can't afford it, you don't go.

Ireland.

See I wouldn't be bothered getting my nails done. Makeup is important to me, and I like it professionally done for special occasions.

Wildlingofthewest · 15/07/2018 17:18

I’d probably give £50 maximum.

PixelDust · 15/07/2018 18:39

Do people really not get there makeup and hair done for weddings? Weddings in my part Scotland must be really different from the rest of the UK. No one I know would give less than £50 and no-one would only give wine and a card.

Wildlingofthewest · 15/07/2018 18:43

I wouldn’t get my make up done for a wedding. I didn’t even get my make up done professionally for my own wedding!!
If my hair needs a cut/colour and I have a wedding or other big occasion coming up I might time my hair appointment to fall just before so it’s fresh for the event but I wouldn’t go out and get my hair done especially for a wedding.

People must have money to burn if they are going all out with hair/make up/nails etc to attend someone else’s wedding!

TooManyPaws · 15/07/2018 18:53

Well, I wash my hair and put makeup on if I go to a wedding, just as for any special occasion. I don't ever get them done professionally - FFS, even the Duchesses of Cambridge and Suffolk do their own makeup even if they have hairdressers.

BarbaraofSevillle · 15/07/2018 18:56

^If you can't afford it, you don't go.

Ireland^

Even if it's a close relative or friend?

I would be horrified if my DSis (for example) didn't come to my wedding because she couldn't afford to give me such a huge sum.

SmellMyBeads · 15/07/2018 19:20

Each to their own Smile

lastnightidreamtofpotatoes · 15/07/2018 19:27

The 'cover your play's is most certainly not a new thing. My DM is approaching 70 and maintains that that was always the way. I think giving cash is a newer thing, but I can even remember my DGM enquiring how much a 'plate' was at a 2nd cousins wedding so she could buy her a gift above the cost.

keyboardkate · 15/07/2018 19:29

30-50 is ok, judging by all the comments here anyway.

However, I was at a wedding in Ireland last year, and the minimum gift was €100 per person!. It wasn't specified, but I found out by asking around. No problem, glad not to be considered a tight freak!

That's just the way it is over there, however the weddings can be lavish and go on until the wee hours with canapes, the big dinner, and then a whole pile of food about midnight to soak up the grog.

It is a different way in the UK I think, but as I said 30-50 would be fine in your circumstances. Hope you enjoy the day!

Lymphy · 15/07/2018 19:32

We usually give 30- 100 depending on who it is who is getting married, I usually get a small wedding day yankee candle as well to light while opening their cards and gifts but I'm a soppy sod!

AirForce0ne · 15/07/2018 20:05

Do people really not get there makeup and hair done for weddings?
Honestly, no, I don't think I know anyone who bothers.

Many weddings seem to be in family homes or villages, translate in the middle of nowhere, and most guests either stay the night before or just drive a few hours in the morning. Even if you wanted to, you wouldn't know how good a local hairdresser or make-up artist is, if you even find one.

I have never been invited in Ireland, that sound so expensive! I have been to many weddings with pretty much (lovely) unlimited food and drink and not these tacky pay for own your drinks bar but there wasn't' any expected amount for the gift.

lastnightidreamtofpotatoes · 15/07/2018 20:14

I was at a wedding last year in Ireland and the minimum gift was €100 per person!

SIL married an Irish guy and we all went there for the wedding. Close family of bride/groom all invited for breakfast the morning after in a private room of the hotel. The mother of the groom produced a drawstring bag (at the table!) and pulled out a wad of notes and announced that 'they have made €9000'. S IL and BIL got out a sheet of paper and pen and proceeded to list every guest's name and how much they gave. When it got to my turn SIL's husband exclaimed 'lastnight gave €200, we only had you earmarked for €100!'.
Mother of the groom then proceeded to exp lain that €100 was normal for acquaintences, but friends was €200. A few English people had donated charity gifts that were meaningful, but there were many snorts that they would remain in the bad books forever. Our family sat there like Shock Hmm Blush I must admit I have never seen SIL in the same light.

annandale · 15/07/2018 20:14

Tried to get my hair professionally done for my own wedding was a failure, I've certainly never considered it for anyone else's! I have never liked makeup done professionally, maybe it's better now, I should give it another go.

WildFlower2018 · 15/07/2018 20:16

I just got married and we asked for vouchers. I'd say £30 was the average gift from our friends and family.

I also have been to a bunch of weddings recently and that's how much we spend too.

XiCi · 15/07/2018 20:18

Do people really not get there makeup and hair done for weddings?

In my experience yes, most guests will get their hair done and their make up done as well. Not just young people either. My mum did for instance at the last family wedding and she's in her 70s. I live in a city though and most weddings are all day big affairs. I've never been to one in a pub or someone's home for example. I imagine it may be different if you live very rural. A lot of girls here get their make up professionally done for a fri/sat night out, not just occasions like weddings.

Whobloodyknows · 15/07/2018 20:21

I would give £40 personally as a single day guest

restingbemusedface · 15/07/2018 20:21

30 is fine. For the love of god don’t give them books they haven’t asked for, that’s rude and wasteful!

justkeeprunning5 · 15/07/2018 20:40

We usually give £80 (as a couple), £40 if going alone is fine. Re makeup and hair, I sometimes time my colour and cut for the day before so I have a fresh blow dry and once had it put up for a wedding where my husband was the best man and so I wanted to feel a bit more polished, but was only £15.

Lindah1 · 15/07/2018 20:53

OMG lastnight! That is brutal!

Sashkin · 15/07/2018 21:07

A lot of girls here get their make up professionally done for a fri/sat night out, not just occasions like weddings

Are you in Liverpool or Newcastle? The women there seem to be much more highly groomed than anywhere else I have ever visited. It’s not the norm elsewhere in the country.

I have literally never had my makeup done professionally (unless you mean sitting at the Bobbi Brown counter in Selfridges trying stuff on).

I got my hair done for my own wedding, but I did my own makeup. It wasn’t a small wedding (it was in a venue you would have heard of, even if you aren’t from London). And I used to wear a fair amount of makeup, pre-DC. I find it a bit weird that you think that the only weddings where guests might apply their own makeup are “rural” ones.

I used to go out clubbing every weekend (DH used to be a DJ, so we were in the VIP room in Fabric, Turnmills etc). Getting your makeup done professionally was not something anyone did - we used to do each other’s makeup sometimes, but you wouldn’t hire somebody to apply your makeup for you.

TheCraicDealer · 15/07/2018 21:18

I married an Englishman and there was a definite difference between NI/English guests on gifts. It's a cultural thing I suppose, plus they'd paid to travel so I would never be sore about it. My sister married into a large family of Dubliners and they "made" back quite a lot of money whereas we didn't. I was speaking to a girl from down south the other day who said she'd bought her DSis her bridesmaid dresses as a present (over €1,000) and then said she'd be giving her a few hundred euro on the day as well as their wedding gift.

We usually go for £50 for reception-only invites or with a card if we can't attend, unless we have to spend more to go with accommodation or whatever. We were at a wedding this weekend and with the hen the week before, dress, petrol and accommodation etc it cost us about £500 to attend, so we went with a gift of lower value from their wedding list.

XiCi · 15/07/2018 21:25

sashkin yes in Liverpool Smile
I don't think that the only weddings you wouldn't get make up done are rural, just that it's probably a lot less likely than if you live in a big city, even if only for the fact that there are less make up artists around. I can walk out of my house and find 4 just on my local high st for example
I too did my own wedding make up. Like you I went clubbing all weekend for years. Lived in Liverpool, Manchester, London and went clubbing all over the UK and we never had our make up professionally done but that was 15-20 years ago and things seem a lot different now

BentOutOfShape · 15/07/2018 21:28

I think £30 - £50 is ok. Depends who and how close you are. If they were really skint I might give more as I would guess it would be appreciated.

I might pay more if it was a really expensive fancy wedding. Much as MN hates the idea of a pay your plate gift I would be inclined to give more if the hosts had splashed out a lot on the wedding. I’ve been to weddings where I haven’t had to buy a single drink and others where drinks weren’t included in the meal at all. I can’t deny that I’m more inclined to give more to the ‘all inclusive’ wedding. (Although it does depend on all sorts of things.)

Motoko · 15/07/2018 21:36

I find it a bit weird that you think that the only weddings where guests might apply their own makeup are “rural” ones.

I agree, it's as if people who live rurally are country bumpkins!

I live rurally now, but I'm a born and bred Londoner, and I've never had my make up done professionally, whether it's for a wedding or not (not even my own wedding, and I did my own hair too).

OP, don't buy books!