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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or are my parents?

91 replies

applecrumbled5 · 14/07/2018 22:58

We're travelling to Spain next month for a family wedding, it has been a massive financial issue for DH & I and we have had to really scrimp and save since finding out about the wedding less than a year ago.

I'm from a family of 5 children and many of us have children/partners so we're split across two villas (a 5 minute drive apart). One villa has use of two travel costs (and only needs one) the other has use of none. I'm in the villa with no cots but I require one. It'll cost me an additional £50 to take our travel cot out with us. My parents have said categorically I cannot use the spare cot from their villa as that would be dishonest. I think this is a bit OTT. We are going for a week and I always take very good care of things. They know I'm massively struggling financially but they won't budge AIBU or are they?

OP posts:

NoKnit · 14/07/2018 23:35

This is Spain people are extremely friendly and generous and the owners of the villa will have absolutely no issue in you borrowing it whatsoever, I am confident of that so ask the owners of villa 1, I am sure they'll understand and have no issue as long as you return it

Xiaoxiong · 14/07/2018 23:36

We always travelled with the two car seats, double pushchair and a travel cot when we flew to Spain with the DCs and they didn't charge us for the travel cot. As long as your travel cot folds up and has a cover they shouldn't bat an eyelid if you bring 4 items along for your two kids.

Original poster

applecrumbled5 · 14/07/2018 23:37

I don't understand this. You have 2 children - 2 car seats, a pushchair and a travel cot = 4 pieces of baby equipment. So you can bring them all.

I can take 2 pieces per child (one pushchair and one additional item). So one of the 2 items must be a pushchair.

OP posts:

LuMarie · 14/07/2018 23:38

I don't see how it is immediately dishonest to ask to borrow it and with the pool it's a serious thing to think about.

If I was renting out a holiday home (I do) and someone contacted me to say say "Hi, we're here for a family wedding, one big group but across two villas as there are lots of us, we have one baby with us, another baby will be staying elsewhere and they don't have a travel cot, would you mind if we used the spare in the other villa and return it", I'd say absolutely of course, no problem!

For it is no problem.

Maybe your parents have put doubts in your head? For me, if you ask, it's a high chance they'd say yes.

It's a travel cot though, if I allowed children in the property, especially babies, I would expect that a family might bring a travel cot if I didn't have one. No big fuss, babies sleep in cots.

Original poster

applecrumbled5 · 14/07/2018 23:39

I can't really take the risk of just turning up on the day with it incase I get charged for it the airline is Ryanair so I'm assuming they may be more strict on this policy than some of the other airlines.

OP posts:

Shumpalumpa · 14/07/2018 23:39

YANBU, OP. Your suggestion is fine. Hope you find a solution.

Your mum should have made sure the villa you were staying at had a cot.

I'm with the OP on this...but why is this the mum's responsibility? More wifework.

Tartsamazeballs · 14/07/2018 23:40

Family dynamics aside, have you looked into equipment hire in Spain? When we went to Cyprus we hired a playmate, jumperoo, steriliser, cot and high chair because the house wasn't equiped with any baby stuff. It all got delivered and collected at the villa so no pissing about lugging stuff to airports etc.

katmarie · 14/07/2018 23:42

@angelikacpickles

Unfortunately, from the op's description it's not a case of taking 4 items, it's 1 pushchair + 1 other item per child. So if no pushchair, that doesn't necessarily mean you can take something else instead. And as the op needs to take car seats, she can't really take the cot too. Although it would be worth ringing the airline and asking if there is any wiggle room there.

Op, my suggestion would be to speak to the villa owners directly. Bypass your mum entirely, and get it sorted that way. Out of curiosity, where is your dd due to be sleeping under the current arrangements?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/07/2018 23:42

£50 is silly money. You could buy one in the U.K. for far less than that. Your mum is being a cow.

Ducksinarow1 · 14/07/2018 23:43

Can you use a baby travel tent instead of a cot? They pack down quite small so you can put in your luggage. See if someone can lend you one or buy one on ebay for a tenner?

Ellie56 · 14/07/2018 23:44

YANBU. Your awful parents are being VVU. You would have been better booking your own acommodation.

Do the lovely siblings get the same treatment?

bluetrampolines · 14/07/2018 23:44

You need to know that next time you do t go. Especially if it means getting in debt.

The two year old walks?
The two year old gets carried on shoulders?
You use a pool noodle under the sheet as a pretend cot barrier?
You buy 2 noodles, do this both sides of the bed under the sheet and call it a Holiday Cot?
You buy an alarmed door stop for nightime escaping to the pool anxiety?
You buy an alarmed door stop for during the day pool anxiety?
Amazon delivers a £30 buggy to your holiday destination 1 day after expected arrival?
You check out local gumtree?

flipflop67 · 14/07/2018 23:45

Can you ask the villa in which you're staying to provide a travel cot? I'm sure they can get one for you. You are definitely not BU.

HeddaGarbled · 14/07/2018 23:46

I think I’d refuse to go unless you can use the spare cot.

kateandme · 14/07/2018 23:47

what is wrong with people!i cant even work out the way round this issue because its totally ridiculous.i cant see why a um and dad would give you grief over doing this.
im guessing its too late to change trips now.but do you get on with them or is this how things go in general.
could you mention it to the others in the villa and if your mums asks just say oh we mentioned we needed one and they offered it.

Original poster

applecrumbled5 · 14/07/2018 23:49

do you get on with them or is this how things go in general

This is my life basically. This was how my childhood was and they (primarily my mum) treat me like this every time they get an opportunity.

OP posts:

SD1978 · 14/07/2018 23:51

You said you can take 2 items per child- and are only taking three at the moment with two car seats and a pram? So you can take the travel cot as well- they aren’t going to question who what is for. If hey do, tell them you plan on wearing the youngest and pram is for the eldest in case they get tired. And take the travel cot. I second- some of these villa travel cots are utterly gross, never washed. I’d rather take my own and you have the allowance for it.

VocalDuck · 14/07/2018 23:51

Can you contact the owners of the villa with the travel cot direct, explain the situation and offer a deposit in case of damage to borrow it?

Original poster

applecrumbled5 · 14/07/2018 23:53

SD1978 I don't have the allowance for it. I'm allowed 2 items per child (1 Pushchair and 1 additional item per child).

OP posts:

angelikacpickles · 14/07/2018 23:54

@katmarie I don't think the airlines care what you bring as baby equipment TBH.

Original poster

applecrumbled5 · 14/07/2018 23:55

I'm actually really annoyed now because I've just remembered my mums solution was that I could pretend the travel cot was a pushchair. Surely by her logic, that is also dishonest (and also most likely wouldn't work as it's quite easy to tell the difference between a travel cot and a pushchair). Wish I'd pulled her up for that when she said it!

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 14/07/2018 23:55

You need the Stately Homes thread.

Skittlesandbeer · 14/07/2018 23:55

I agree you should contact your villa owners. They may be nice folk, with good local contacts who find a cot for you. Anyone who has had kids knows how hard this kind of travel is.

I’d be tempted to tell your mum you’ve been in touch with both villa owners, and they’ve agreed to let you move the cot for the duration of your stay. Dare her to check. Bet she won’t, will be too worried about affecting her own accommodation. Brazen it out either way, she is being VVU.

By the way, when you get back check out outofthefog website. Link what you find to your siblings. Sounds like you’ve got bigger family issues than a cot. If your mum is actively trying to make your very busy life harder, it might be time to pry her fingers off your steering wheel.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 14/07/2018 23:56

I'd tell them to fuck off... and shove the Wedding... stay at home and enjoy the fact they are all over there

^ this. They’re being petty and awful. Sorry OP

Original poster

applecrumbled5 · 14/07/2018 23:56

I don't think the airlines care what you bring as baby equipment TBH.

Normally I'd agree but Ryanair have a reputation for being tight.

OP posts:

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