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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many of your close friends’ husbands you actually like?

53 replies

CandleWithHair · 14/07/2018 13:36

inspired by another thread, got me thinking about the dynamics in my own friendship group.

I have a large group of very close female friends (12) and I would say I only really like (as in, would seek them out for convo on a night out) about half of their DH/DPs. Of the other half, I would say I actively dislike the majority.

Given my friends and I have all been friends for aeons, they’re obviously all awesome and we share many of the same values, opinions and sense of humour, it’s kind of sad how many of them are hitched to pompous/boring/mean old farts.

Do you have a similar split in your friendship groups?

OP posts:
anametouse · 14/07/2018 13:39

I like most of them, but I wouldn't spend ages chatting with them but that's because im not a chatter. My friends will all chat with my DH but that's because they and him are very social (like small talk, I can't be arsed with it)

However I've always said no one sees the real DH like I do, I've no idea why but he's just kinder and funnier etc when we are alone so maybe your friend's DH are the same?

EmUntitled · 14/07/2018 13:42

Not really, I like most of my friends husbands/partners.
There is only one I don't have much in common with and don't particularly like him (I think he could treat my friend better) but I don't actively dislike him.

ImogenTubbs · 14/07/2018 13:44

Actually most of them. I mean, I wouldn't want to be married to them myself but on the whole they are decent, kind, of imperfect people. Even my friend who is now divorced I got on well with her husband.

HelloBrass · 14/07/2018 13:51

Out of my 4 closest friends, 3 of their DHs I absolutely love, & 1 I really can't stand...
I will always support my friend & there's no point in raising it, but I suspect she knows I'm not a fan. I don't think it really affects our friendship but maybe we'd spend more time together as a 4 if I felt differently.

IrmaTooth · 14/07/2018 13:52

What about liking your close male friends' wives/partners?

Of my four closest female friends' husbands one I adore to the point where he is as much my friend as his wife is; one is a quiet, private, rather damaged ex-public schoolboy I was initially dubious about, but I think has been very good for my friend, and have become fond of; one I don't care for swaggering uber-masculinity, and not that nice to my friend in my presence, anyway; and one is difficult, because I know quite well she consciously settled for him because she wanted children and was running out of time, and he's dull and pompous.

Of my two close male friends one wife is utterly brilliant, and I see her whenever I can, with or without her DH; and with the other, who is probably my best friend in the world now, I respect and admire his wife, but am continually surprised at how diametrically different they are which is I suppose why it works.

I think it can be quite a tricky relationship to negotiate, actually...?

Killybashangel · 14/07/2018 13:53

About half of them are fine, but the other half i would say are more bitchy than my female friends (their dp) are

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 14/07/2018 14:10

I really like most of my friends' partners, there's only one husband I actively dislike. He's hugely immature (in his 30's but behaves like a 14 year old), is selfish, unpleasant, very hypocritical, doesn't really bother making an effort with people he doesn't like (last time my fiance and I went to visit he ignored us for hours and put himself out so as not to spend time with us) and is generally a horrible person BUT I have to remind myself that my friend loves him, chose to marry him and have kids with him so I put up with him for her sake. My dad once suggested I cut contact with my friend because of her husband but that seems very extreme to me.

DramaAlpaca · 14/07/2018 14:14

Most of them actually. There's only one I really cannot stand, but I put up with him for her sake as she adores him.

Dljlr · 14/07/2018 14:41

1 is an utter bellend; the other three, meh, I can take or leave them; I think they probably feel the same about mine.

sonjadog · 14/07/2018 14:45

I can't think of any husbands that I actually dislike. I'm not sure I would be friends with any of them, but I can´ t think of any that I find unpleasant company.

BearSoFair · 14/07/2018 14:49

I only have four close female friends, of the three that are married, two husbands are fine and I'd be perfectly happy/comfortable to chat to, one is a bit of an arse and I try not to get stuck talking to him!

MirriVan · 14/07/2018 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zeeboo · 14/07/2018 15:00

All of them. In fact I have a separate friendship with my closest friends dh as we 'see' each other on Twitter all the time and often end up in a coffee shop at the same time as both coffee addicts.
They're all blokes I wouldn't have married myself and couldn't live with but they are all lovely blokes. I'm sure they feel the same about my dh.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 14/07/2018 15:04

Two out of five. One I dislike, he's a selfish self centred man child that never really grew up. I eer is okay but so passive in relation to the kids that he may as well not be there most of the time and is utterly blind to

Torridon19 · 14/07/2018 15:05

Maybe your old friends think that your own DP is a total wanker.....but don't want to tell you......

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 14/07/2018 15:05

... their faults. Only one is a really good chap.

Loopytiles · 14/07/2018 15:08

I live far away from my previously closest friends so don’t often see their H’s, and don’t know them well. one of my close friends is in her second long term, abusive relationship Sad. Others I like well enough.

I dislike most of the husbands/partners of my local (not close) friends and acquaintances , mainly because of the way they treat their wives/partners in public.

VioletCharlotte · 14/07/2018 15:10

I'm (v happily!) single and not overly keen on men in general Grin

My Bf DH is an arse, most of my other friends DH's are ok, but I wouldn't want to socialise with them.

Oblomov18 · 14/07/2018 15:10

Most of them are ok. I don't dislike any of them.

JustDanceAddict · 14/07/2018 15:13

I have a good male friend who I’ve known for a long time. His wife hates me and my friends who are also friends with her dh. I did fall out with him and we lost touch for quite a while, he forgave but she didn’t. They socialise a lot together with others but she has never come to one of my parties as his wife (he comes alone).
I’ve never had an issue with a female friend’s partner. Some I get on with better than others though and wonder why some friends put up with DHs who make them into total housewives!

Trialsmum · 14/07/2018 15:14

We tend to hang around in couples and tbh with at least some of them, I prefer the husbands to the wives! I’ve always got on better with men though, they’re much simpler beings.

bakingdemon · 14/07/2018 15:15

I really like nearly all of my close friends' husbands. There were some really dreadful boyfriends along the way but thankfully everyone has ended up married to men who treat them well and are quite fun to hang out with.

Takfujimoto · 14/07/2018 15:18

Are you implying that you are 'simple' as well Trialsmum? 😳

problembottom · 14/07/2018 15:21

Out of ten of my good friends there are about six husbands I really like and actively enjoy chatting to. Two more are dull as, very hard work. Another is quite mean to his other half so I'm wary even though he's really good company and the last one comes across as the perfect gent but I have never got a sense of the real him and I don't know, there's just something about him I don't trust. He's got a back story that's a bit dubious too.

Original poster
CandleWithHair · 14/07/2018 15:29

@Torridon19 oh they 100% do, we’re divorced for that very reason Grin

Seriously tho, that’s probably at least a partial reason I can’t tolerate some of them. I feel like my dislike for those ones has increased since I ‘escaped’ my own situation. I just have no time for their collective bad behaviour and can’t fathom why my lovely friends put up with it I suppose. I’d never say as much, that’s their own prerogative and as a PP said, maybe they’re much nicer behind doors but I doubt it

OP posts: