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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many of your close friends’ husbands you actually like?

53 replies

CandleWithHair · 14/07/2018 13:36

inspired by another thread, got me thinking about the dynamics in my own friendship group.

I have a large group of very close female friends (12) and I would say I only really like (as in, would seek them out for convo on a night out) about half of their DH/DPs. Of the other half, I would say I actively dislike the majority.

Given my friends and I have all been friends for aeons, they’re obviously all awesome and we share many of the same values, opinions and sense of humour, it’s kind of sad how many of them are hitched to pompous/boring/mean old farts.

Do you have a similar split in your friendship groups?

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 14/07/2018 15:35

I get on very well with all my friends’ husbands. I absolutely wouldn’t have married any of them though. Grin

Screenburn · 14/07/2018 15:43

5 close female friends and out of the four that are married, I genuinely really like their DHs - they are all kind, funny, interesting men. Not without their faults of course but who is?
Just now hoping someone suitably excellent comes along for my single friend!

Nodancingshoes · 14/07/2018 15:45

I like most of them - one I can't stand for the way he treats my friend though..

redexpat · 14/07/2018 15:48

My closest friends - I really like the ones Ive met. We all live in different countries.

I don't dislike the partners of any of my female friends, but I do wonder what they see in them. I feel this about a lot of those I consider friends but not closest iyswim.

user7469322 · 14/07/2018 15:53

I only have 1 close friend and I love her husband to bits. He’s like a brother to me and has been a great support to me lately.

bbcessex · 14/07/2018 15:58

Interesting post, OP

Our of my 6-8 property close friends, I actively dislike one and tolerate two.

The actively dislike one is becoming a problem because friend will no longer do many things non-couple... so we don’t really see much of each other now ☹️

bbcessex · 14/07/2018 15:59

Properly.. don’t have any friends who are property 😂

upsideup · 14/07/2018 15:59

Pretty much all of them, only maybe one I dislike.
I think choice in partner is a quite a good reflection of that person so if I dislikes their husbands that much then I probably wouldnt like them that much either.

FangAchePartDeux · 14/07/2018 16:04

Interesting question!

50% = don't like and would be happy never to see them again
30% = nice enough but wouldn't seek them out for a convo
20% = like and enjoy their company

It's weird, isn't it? I get on with most men I meet but don't seem to gel much with friends' DHs.

wellBeehivedWoman · 14/07/2018 16:08

I actively dislike my best friend's partner Sad then my next two closest friends I like one partner and don't mind the other (wouldn't actively seek him out though). Then we have 4/5 more couples where they started out with one or other of the couple being my friend or DH's friend but we are now as close to the partner as to the original friend.

Batmanthedude · 14/07/2018 16:09

There us a group of 6 of us, 1 dh I really dislike and feeling is mutual, the rest are ok decent people can chat to them. We don't tend to do that much together tho, females friends all tend to meet up together only really see husbands at weddings etc.

rollingonariver · 14/07/2018 16:23

Out of 6 close friends I can think of one who's partner doesn't treat them like pure shit / a slave.

Original poster
CandleWithHair · 14/07/2018 20:04

It brings me no joy to dislike these guys, I wish I liked them as much as I do the others but for whatever reasons some of my friends (and I do love all of them dearly) have chosen complete duds.
I realise we’re not all the same person, but I suppose you just hope that collective experiences and belief systems would mean we all ended up with good uns. I’m no one to talk tho, as I mentioned mine is an ex and possibly the biggest tosser of them all (with hindsight!) 😂

OP posts:
Roussette · 14/07/2018 20:08

I have two best friends I've known all my life. One has the most fabulous husband, he is a really special man and I knew him before he got married to my best friend, and before I got married. They so much deserve each other, very well suited and she is very lucky

Then there's my other best friend, I've really really tried to like him but he makes it impossible! My friend likes a sort of victorian marriage, she likes a dominant man, he is an arse and a complete know-all. I work hard at not showing it but as I age and as my best friend does, it gets harder and harder.

greendale17 · 14/07/2018 20:11

All of them. Thankfully my friends have good taste and judgement.

LuluJakey1 · 14/07/2018 20:12

There is only one I don't like - he cheated on his wife and left her with two toddlers for my friend and has done the same to her. The rest I like and would happily chat to them. A couple of them I know really well and like a lot. I am not attracted to and would not want to marry any of them- they would drive me mad. My friends probably feel the same about DH.

Luxembourgmama · 14/07/2018 20:14

Thankfully all of them I hate my susyers husband but he's a total prick I have probably drifted a bit from friends with shit husbands.

whiteblankpage · 14/07/2018 20:53

I like all of my friends husbands, but a few I do think, oh what a strange mix.

However, my husband is the husband a couple of my friends don’t like. He’s socially awkward, a bit arrogant and short tempered. I love him very much, and he is very different behind closed doors. But one friend has made it quite clear she cannot stand him, and whilst she was happy to carry on our friendship and even do things as a group, she had been so spectacularly rude on a couple of occasions that all of our meetings felt tainted to me. As a result, I’ve withdrawn from the group as I feel awkward about it. This thread makes me sad and I wonder if my friend has commented; one comment in particular struck a chord. To those who think their dislike is hidden, it rarely is, especially to those who have been friends for 15+ years.

Roussette · 14/07/2018 21:19

Oh gosh white this strikes a chord with my friend I've know for decades . I've tried to hide that her DH I don't really like but he makes it so hard for me to like him. I like to think I keep up the necessary facade

Babyroobs · 14/07/2018 21:23

I have a group of about 5 close friends and like about 3 of their partners. One falls asleep at any kind of social function and one talks way too much.

Babybearsporij · 14/07/2018 21:29

Out of our group of 9, there is only one of my friend's husbands that I actively don't like. Another one is a bit of a user, but I can make conversation with him. The rest are absolutely lovely blokes.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 14/07/2018 21:46

In our group of friends there aren’t any husbands or partners I dislike. Some I get on really well with, a couple I find a little dull, but all are friendly and nice.

ElementalHalfLife · 14/07/2018 21:52

Out of my 5 closest friends I'd say I absolutely love 2 of their DH's, we spend more time with these couples than any of the others; I've come to like one DH a lot, actually better than I like his wife these days, she's a total bitch to him and sometimes I have to bite my tongue because I badly want to tell her to stfu and leave the poor bloke alone; one I can take or leave, he's pleasant enough but he never seems to be really engaged or enjoying our company, that's ok though we don't see that much of them; one I loathe like poison (he probably feels the same about me) he's the male dick version of the friend I mentioned above, lots of tongue biting around him but I love his wife and he comes along as part of the package unfortunately.

Echobelly · 14/07/2018 21:55

I don't really have close female friends and none of my closest ones are married, come to think of it, though a few (4) have long term partners, all of whom I like.

Ducksinarow1 · 14/07/2018 21:58

It's probably about 50/50. In a couple of cases I actually get on better with (or perhaps feel more sympathy with) the partner. Two friends that spring to mind are quite hen-pecky and argumentative with their OHs and I wonder why they put up with them (although I do love my friends dearly I couldn't live with them!)

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