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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get rid of all the sugary junk in the house, even though family don’t want to?

78 replies

ShirazShirley · 14/07/2018 09:59

Just needing to know if AIBU really.

As a bit of background, I haven’t decided to do this for shits and giggles. I bloody love chocolate.

However I have recently been diagnosed with PCOS, and shortly after that, pre diabetes.

I’ve spent the last few days frantically researching a healthy diet to combat this and have settled for the Mediterranean one. I’ve even written up a few menus that won’t impact the family’s favourite dinners (essentially just tweaking mine and leaving theirs the same)

I live with dh, dd 5, ds 2 and dsd 15 stays often.

My suggestion was that we don’t keep mounds of chocolate, crisps etc. in the house, and that instead when anyone fancies a treat they go to the shop (which is literally one minute away) and buy it. I don’t expect anyone else to stop eating anything they like.

It is a selfish request I guess, I just think I’m going to struggle with cutting out excessive sugar for a while at first, and hoped everyone would be ok with this idea as it will really help me.

The two youngest won’t really care, they like going out for even the smallest walk and are able to verbalise when they fancy something.

Dh, dsd and mil are another matter however.

Mil, while she means well and only wants the dc to have nice things, will bring round bags (yes, bags) of chocolate, crisps, and ice cream often. Dh told her in the past we don’t really want the two youngest to eat tons of it everyday, but the only change that made was that she now says ‘sorry’ as she’s lugging it in.

Dh isn’t supportive of the idea either. He hasn’t really said why, he just said I should know that when dsd comes a there will always be bin bags (yes, bin bags) of crap in the house (again, supplied by mil, who appears terrified that dsd won’t want to eat anything else)

Dsd would be fine with it I think (she’s over next week) Like I said, the shop is extremely close by and no walk at all.

But then maybe not, lately she has taken to storing bags of rubbish in her room, eating it and then pushing her dinner around her plate. So maybe it wouldn’t hurt her either.

But dh and mil are unsupportive of even giving it a trial run.

Dm is terrified for my health and says of course I’m not being unreasonable (but she would say that wouldn’t she Grin)

So I need an mn verdict please. I feel like AINBU but will accept if I am.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 14/07/2018 10:01

Surely there is a middle ground between nothing and a bin bag full?

Having a few bits in for everyone else seems fair to me.

WhirlwindHugs · 14/07/2018 10:03

Your plan sounds perfectly reasonable to me. The shop is not far away, no one is banned but it would improve all of your health.
I would crack on.

Notevilstepmother · 14/07/2018 10:05

Sounds like your mil sees food as a way of showing love, resulting in an odd family dynamic.

Perhaps she is particularly scared of loosing DSD as her parents are not together.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable but I do think some insight into what the food means to them may help.

falaffels · 14/07/2018 10:05

Keeping 'mounds of chocolate' in the house is a silly thing to do whether or not you have pre-diabetes.

Of corse you're not unreasonable to get rid of it!

Bambamber · 14/07/2018 10:05

Nothing wrong with not having junk in the house. We do the same here, we only keep healthy stuff in the cupboards. If we really want something we go out and get it, otherwise we eat something healthy. Chocolate and crisps etc aren't an everyday essential, I don't understand why people think it's such a terrible thing to live without them

Frosty66612 · 14/07/2018 10:06

Ask your DH if having a diabetic wife would be preferable to him having to walk one minute to a shop to buy junk each day.
It’s hardly a big ask of him so I think he’s being really unsupportive.
Has he had a health checkup recently himself?
There is absolutely no need in your MIL bringing vast quantities of crisps and choc over either. Why can’t she just bring one treat over at a time?! Does she want her grandchildren to get into the habit of being binge eaters?
YADNBU

MyCatsRuleTheHouse · 14/07/2018 10:06

I think that’s very sensible, that’s what we do. If it’s in the house I’ll eat it, but very rarely seek it out. Say to MIL do not bring it, or you’ll be leaving with it as well. DH can get his own when he wants it. There’s not need for crisps and chocolate in the house all the time.

On another note - good choice going for the Mediterranean diet, may I suggest reading the Heathy Gut Handbook, and The Diet Myth that inspired it as well if you have time. It’ll completely change your views on food.

glintandglide · 14/07/2018 10:06

Goodness it all sounds a bit dramatic. I agree with a middle ground. Why are such protracted discussions even taking place?

MrsJayy · 14/07/2018 10:08

Your idea is ideal if you want crisps etc nip to the shop it is what we do Dh is watching his weight.

, Your problem is with mil and dh allowing a 15yr old to stuff her face with junk food and she could be you in 15years with pre diabetis, I would take her bin bag full off her don't doubt yourself you are looking after your health as well as the families you are not banning treats just not having a tonne of chocolate in the cupboard

Booboostwo · 14/07/2018 10:09

I think you are BU. My partner has needed to diet all his life, I need to eat loads of sugary stuff to keep my weight up. His diets and his weight are his responsibility, I don’t have to change my eating habits because he is overweight .

I am sorry you got a health scare and I appreciate it must be very difficult for you, but you need to take responsibility for your own health. Otherwise you risk blam8ng everyone else for the failure of the diet.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 14/07/2018 10:10

What about giving your mil a list of healthier snacks if she wants to buy treats for the children , things like flavoured rice cakes , raisins , swap ice cream for fruit ice lollies , and ask her to only buy one chocolate bar for each child so shes still treating them if she wants to

glintandglide · 14/07/2018 10:11

I don’t think you should give you MiL a list of approved snacks Shock that’s so patronising and bossy

anotherangel2 · 14/07/2018 10:14

You are being unreasonable to some extent. Keep some goodies in the house. I have no self control so I always steer DH towards lemon cake as he loves it and I hate it.

Bin bags full of great food is far too much. Let the kids choose one thing each and then tell MIL that the food bank will appreciate the rest.

Original poster
ShirazShirley · 14/07/2018 10:15

There is a lot of disordered eating in this family (I’m including myself in that, I was diagnosed with bulimia as a teenager, while I don’t purge anymore I have been known to binge in secret when very stressed)

Mil has a gastric band fitted and I agree that I think to her food=love. I know her heart is in the right place.

Dh has been diagnosed with high cholesterol. He’s taking statins but hasn’t attempted to change his diet really. He is starting to exercise with me a bit sometimes though.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShirazShirley · 14/07/2018 10:18

Ok, so it’s a mix of verdicts so far.

I’m taking them all on board (and thank you for the book recommendations!)

OP posts:
Original poster
ShirazShirley · 14/07/2018 10:21

The problem has been that when I’ve suggested moderation in the past, it’s clear we have different ideas on what moderation is.

I considered moderation to be maybe a jar of homemade cookies, a multi bag of crisps and a bar of chocolate in the fridge.

Mil and dh’s Moderation is at least triple that, with extras like pop tarts, Pringles, boxes of cheesecakes etc. So much so that I can’t get anything else like leftovers in the fridge/freezer once they’ve shoved that in on top of the weekly shop.

OP posts:
slowrun · 14/07/2018 12:13

If the nutrition issues don't swing it, how about totalling up how much is spent on this stuff?

You might find you can pay for bigger treats like a holiday, new technology, days out for example if you don't buy all the treats. That might convince them. Grin

Pengggwn · 14/07/2018 12:21

You need to take responsibility for what you eat without dictating to your DH what he is 'allowed' to keep in the house. He is a grown man.

Raven88 · 14/07/2018 12:23

I have issues with disordered eating and after some sad news yesterday I gave up my diet for one day and ate loads. I don't purge anymore. I can't have junk in the house or I will eat it all and then I will feel crappy. I only buy things that are within my calorie allowance so in my house we basically do what you are planning and it works fine. It also it promotes exercise.

whatwouldyoubelikeat28 · 14/07/2018 12:28

Do it like a challenge - try all of august and see how you go? I can't imagine that your DH wouldn't want to support your healthy changes!

Glitterkitten24 · 14/07/2018 12:33

I feel your pain!
We have a cupboard in the kitchen that slowly and gradually became the ‘junk food’ cupboard... sweets, cakes, chocolate, all processed, sugary crap.
And because it was there, the kids, and us would eat it more frequently than was healthy. So I cleared out 90% of the cupboard and replaced loads with healthier snacks.

My MIL has a heart of gold, but a terrible relationship with food and keeps sending up bags full of crap. DH keeps accepting these bags.
I’ve tried telling MIL to save her money, that we are trying to eat healthily, that the kids react badly to too much junk, no effect. So now I’m quietly binning the worst of it.

TornFromTheInside · 14/07/2018 12:37

Just be mindful that some 'healthy' options aren't very healthy at all, they're just marketed as low in sugar etc. Some of their contents will turn to sugar in your body.

Things like pure orange juice sound good, but full of sugars, and you'll typically drink a lot more than the recommended amount. A glass full of pure orange is usually twice the daily recommendation.

I think it's hard to go cold turkey, but if you have temptations around the house, then it might be the only option.

Also, your tastes can change. At first, food can seem bland, but after a few weeks, you'll adapt and discover flavour in foods you used to think were dull.

Good luck!!!

PinkHeart5914 · 14/07/2018 12:43

I think not even keeping a pack of crisps or a biscuit in the house becuase you are on a diet is a bit odd tbh, it’s not only your home. They don’t need bag fulls don’t get me wrong but there is a middle ground between a huge amount and a reasonable amount.

You are pre diabetic if you can’t find willpower from that not to eat a load of junk, then nothing will push you to lose weight. Ultimately the only way you will lose weight is with willpower, only your in control of what you choose to eat.

With your mil I wouldn’t give her a list of suitable snacks a pp suggestion I mean how rude is that and let’s face it unless she lives under a rock she knows a grape is better than a mars bar. However you could suggest she buys them a magazine, a little toy car or similar etc etc instead if she wants to treat them

Willyoujustbequiet · 14/07/2018 12:49

Sorry but I think yabu

It would be nice if they were on board but you have to take responsibility for yourself. Your DH is a grown adult and gets to choose for himself.

TornFromTheInside · 14/07/2018 12:51

Ultimately the only way you will lose weight is with willpower, only your in control of what you choose to eat.

That's not 100% true though is it. Yes, I largely agree with you, but different people are motivated different ways. Some people get addicted to going to a gym and it works for them, others like to calorie count, or join Weight Watchers etc.
In the same way, if you know certain foods are going to tempt you, removing them IS an act of willpower and taking control of your environment to give you the best chance.

Obviously, the problem here is that it's a shared household which makes things so difficult.
Ask a smoker how easy it is to quit with other smokers in the house, or an alcoholic when there is drink in the house.

I totally understand what you're saying, but I can also see how removing all temptation is positive move on this lady's part.