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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get rid of all the sugary junk in the house, even though family don’t want to?

78 replies

ShirazShirley · 14/07/2018 09:59

Just needing to know if AIBU really.

As a bit of background, I haven’t decided to do this for shits and giggles. I bloody love chocolate.

However I have recently been diagnosed with PCOS, and shortly after that, pre diabetes.

I’ve spent the last few days frantically researching a healthy diet to combat this and have settled for the Mediterranean one. I’ve even written up a few menus that won’t impact the family’s favourite dinners (essentially just tweaking mine and leaving theirs the same)

I live with dh, dd 5, ds 2 and dsd 15 stays often.

My suggestion was that we don’t keep mounds of chocolate, crisps etc. in the house, and that instead when anyone fancies a treat they go to the shop (which is literally one minute away) and buy it. I don’t expect anyone else to stop eating anything they like.

It is a selfish request I guess, I just think I’m going to struggle with cutting out excessive sugar for a while at first, and hoped everyone would be ok with this idea as it will really help me.

The two youngest won’t really care, they like going out for even the smallest walk and are able to verbalise when they fancy something.

Dh, dsd and mil are another matter however.

Mil, while she means well and only wants the dc to have nice things, will bring round bags (yes, bags) of chocolate, crisps, and ice cream often. Dh told her in the past we don’t really want the two youngest to eat tons of it everyday, but the only change that made was that she now says ‘sorry’ as she’s lugging it in.

Dh isn’t supportive of the idea either. He hasn’t really said why, he just said I should know that when dsd comes a there will always be bin bags (yes, bin bags) of crap in the house (again, supplied by mil, who appears terrified that dsd won’t want to eat anything else)

Dsd would be fine with it I think (she’s over next week) Like I said, the shop is extremely close by and no walk at all.

But then maybe not, lately she has taken to storing bags of rubbish in her room, eating it and then pushing her dinner around her plate. So maybe it wouldn’t hurt her either.

But dh and mil are unsupportive of even giving it a trial run.

Dm is terrified for my health and says of course I’m not being unreasonable (but she would say that wouldn’t she Grin)

So I need an mn verdict please. I feel like AINBU but will accept if I am.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Kingkiller · 14/07/2018 15:59

YANBU. Of course it requires willpower to not eat junk food. But maintaining willpower 24/7 permanently is very very hard. Simply not having the stuff in the house will make it so much easier.

Regardless of the size of your dsd and other family members, eating less junk will be good for their health. Having to make the (small) effort to go to the shop will make them consider whether they really want the snack that much and will reducd mindless eating without actually banning anything.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/07/2018 16:02

There's no need for 'mounds' of sugary crap but equally, there's no need to remove it altogether. Keep it all in a box/bag somewhere and you, for health reasons, stay out of it.

That 'does he want a diabetic wife' is just a bit pathetic but it wasn't your comment OP. Take charge of your own health, just don't set your family on a path of hoarding and overeating the stuff.

Tackling your MIL could be done by taking the bag - telling each family member to pick 7 things (one a day?) and giving the bag back to MIL telling her it will go in the bin if she doesn't take it. Or ask your husband to do that, it may hit the mark better.

I do feel for you, Shiraz. I don't like chocolate myself or sweets really; Wotsits are my 'thing'.

nokidshere · 14/07/2018 17:01

We used to buy treats with the weekly shop but my teens would eat it all in a day.

I don't buy any sweets or treats now, if anyone wants something they walk to the shop for it. It works just fine and half the time they just can't be bothered to make the effort so it's a great system.

Starlight345 · 14/07/2018 17:13

Op I get you . I have started the keto diet nearly 3 weeks. It has stopped my picking and binging. I am an emotional eater. I could eat a multi pack of crisps in the cupboard for the first time in many years.

NotMeNoNo · 14/07/2018 17:17

Tell them if they want thst stuff, they hide it. A few days ago I found a packet of biscuits under potatoes in the garage! DH getting inventive.

reallyanotherone · 14/07/2018 19:22

I also don’t have treats in generally because i do have self control :)

I’ll buy a packet of biscuits, or a multipack of chocolate bars. I know they’re in the cupboard. Not eating them is no problem.

Until a few days later when i think ooh i really would like a biscuit with my tea today. I open the biscuit tin....to be met with an empty fucking packet and a few crumbs.

If it’s not in the house it can’t be eaten before i get chance to eat some! I’m not buying treats i never get chance to eat and end up going to the bloody shop anyway...

99ProblemsHopeTheMailAint1 · 14/07/2018 19:42

I generally think that it's unfair to impose your diet on anyone else - whether that's eating meat, not eating meat, eating junk, not eating junk, etc. You get the idea.

Here though, the OP has been diagnosed with pre-diabetes. I think I'd support the junk food ban out of a desire to help a loved one - she clearly has problems with self-control (not being judgemental - I'm the same!) and if this is what she needs to help get her blood sugar under control, the family should rally round.

Re a lockable treat box - I would be in favour of that IF and only IF the rest of the family was healthy. From what the OP implies, none of them seem to have a great relationship with food either, so a box may not be the best idea.

Micah · 14/07/2018 21:20

I generally think that it's unfair to impose your diet on anyone else - whether that's eating meat, not eating meat, eating junk, not eating junk, etc. You get the idea.

She isn’t though.

She isn’t imposing a junk ban. They will just need to walk round the corner to the shop rather than have a readily available stash in the house.

Personally i think junk food etc shouldn’t be easily available in “treat cupboards”. That stuff should be exactly that, a treat. Walking to the shop for it is no hardship, and probably fosters a better relationship with treats.

LittleMissedTheSunshine · 15/07/2018 08:18

I went sugar free a few months ago and found I kind of switched off to the sugary crap after a couple of weeks and now it no longer tempts me.

So if you can get through the first few weeks you're grand!

may be ask family to put it out of sight in the early days?

HidingFromDD · 15/07/2018 09:09

I suggest you go on a sugar detox to start with. Sugar is highly addictive and you will need a lot of willpower to resist if it's sitting in the house. Have a look at Wildfit Challenge and see if there's anything there that will help. It includes NLP programming and is a structured withdrawal. It is VERY expensive though!

The sugar detox is a limited time thing so you could 'sell' it to the household that this is only for a fixed amount of time, not permanently, which may be easier for them to buy in to.
At the end of the detox, you won't actually want to eat that much sugar as you will have changed you tastes anyway, so it can get reintroduced to the house without you needing to exert massive amounts of willpower to exist.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, it's a difficult thing to do and I admire you for taking this first step

maxthemartian · 15/07/2018 09:32

YANBU. Since when is it extreme not to have piles of sugary crap in the house?
If we fed animals that way we'd be persecuted for cruelty ffs it's a completely abnormal way to eat and the reason the NHS is buckling under the strain of all the lifestyle diseases.

maxthemartian · 15/07/2018 09:44

prosecuted not persecuted my autocorrect has gone a bit fascist there.

Sunrise888 · 15/07/2018 09:56

I'm shocked at some of the replies too, YANBU, particularly if you have disordered eating in the family. You aren't controlling anyone else's diets, they are free to buy things from the shop if they want. You are trying to control your own environment, as you should, because your health is at risk, and your family should be behind you on this. Have another talk with your MIL about your health and what this means to you. I think giving her a list of healthy snacks to bring is a good idea. And have a chat with her about how bringing bags of junk food into the house is terrible for the health of your kids - she has to find other ways of expressing her love. If she doesn't listen then send the NHS been with hey or give them away to food banks, and tell her so.

SocksRock · 15/07/2018 09:59

We don't have treats in the house. I don't want my children growing up to think that a constant supply is the norm. And yes, if they want something, we go out to get it, but it's a 2 mile round walk to the nearest shop so my reasoning is that they've burnt the majority of it off just going to get it! I dont have banned foods, just ones we shouldn't eat often, and the walk to the petrol station is the balance. It's good for me as well as they are too young to go on their own so it gets me moving as well!

Sunrise888 · 15/07/2018 10:01

Sorry I missed your update. Glad everyone is onboard!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/07/2018 10:16

Yanbu....

I don't store any sweets/crisps crap... As I know I'd find it difficult to not inhale it... I'm also diabetic.

What you're describing is a whole family with unhelpful relationships towards food....

Why on earth is dsd being left in eat loads of junk... Rather than actual food.??

OwlinaTree · 15/07/2018 10:21

We have tins for the kids. When they get treat stuff it goes in their tin, then they can have a bit once a day. They are only little so it's easy to control, but having their own means there's no pressure to eat it while it's there otherwise you won't get any. I think that's why the snacking can get out of control, certainly the case when I was growing up!

When the tins are empty it's gone, and we don't buy junk just to have it, we do buy biscuits for when we have visitors.

Could you do that, kids have a tin each, if they can't get any more in their tin mil can take it home with her for next time? Easier for you to say no to if it's already someone's. You need to sort something, what will you do at Xmas, Easter when your kids are given chocolate gifts? You can't really just chuck them out.

OwlinaTree · 15/07/2018 10:22

We have lots of treats, just try to make it out and about rather than home!

Original poster
ShirazShirley · 22/07/2018 12:30

Well DH and MIL made all the right noises and agreed to trial run it my way for a while.

Then they went and brought FOUR boxes of chocolate ice creams, putting them in the freezer and not mentioning it to me until I saw them.

TBH I think the reason this is making me feel so unsupported is DH’s attitude in general lately.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShirazShirley · 23/07/2018 10:33

And today I’ve discovered two large multi bags of assorted crisps (the ones the size of a sack of potatoes) and a large bag of wotsits.

I think the trial run is effectively over. Giving serious consideration to moving to my mums temporarily with the dc as supporting me in trying to improve mine and the family’s health is far less important than DH and DSD’s 24 hour all round access to junk food.

OP posts:
ballseditupagain · 23/07/2018 10:52

I have done this.

Original poster
ShirazShirley · 23/07/2018 10:55

Was all the family supportive of you ballseditupagain?

The majority of mine are, the problem is I don’t live with them. DH said he thought it would be good for everyone and to give it a trial run. But that lasted less than 24 hours.

OP posts:
Peanutbuttercups21 · 23/07/2018 10:58

I think you have to tackle this as a fairly, if you can

Peanutbuttercups21 · 23/07/2018 11:03

My gran used to bring bags of cheap sweets into the house when I was a kid

My mum was all about home cooked organic food (allotment, baking own bread) and I vividly remember one day my mum throwing bagsfull of sweets and chocolate into the bin shouting at her MIL :" I'll be damned if I feed my kids this!"

Do your kids and yourself a favour and stop MIL (or take everything straight to food bank!)

In our house we have crisps and choc in.moderation and that seems to work best.

BagelGoesWalking · 23/07/2018 11:04

Reallyanotherone hot the nail on the head

"We wonder why obesity is high in this country when having a cupboard full of sweets crisps and chocolate is “normal” and you’re somehow depriving your family by not having one.

No one will die or suffer malnutrition from not having a treat cupboard. It is not an essential food group."

While there are still sugars in fresh fruit, for example, it also provides fibre and other good stuff. There really is no need for choc/crisps, especially if there's a shop 1 min away.

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