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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex wants specific times to FaceTime DS whilst on holiday

61 replies

Winosaurus · 13/07/2018 19:46

Ex has booked to go to America for 2 weeks... knowing this I booked our family holiday for whilst he’s away.
The time difference will be 9 hours whilst we’re abroad too and Ex is insisiting that DS (3yo) FaceTimes him at specific times whilst he’s away. Suggesting 11am or 7pm our time.
Where we are going (family holiday home, regularly visited) I know I don’t get 4G in many places and that FaceTime is only an option whilst we’re in the villa where there’s WiFi and I can’t and won’t guarantee we’ll be home at those times as it’ll restrict our ability to go out.
I explained to Ex that I have phone signal most places so he can always call and if we’re in the villa he can FaceTime, but if we’re not then he’ll just have to speak to DS on the phone.

Ex has kicked off saying I’m unreasonable and that he “can’t go 2 weeks without seeing DS”... well I pointed out that we’re actually only away for a week so he can FaceTime whenever the week we’re home and actually if he was that bothered then why did he book to go away for 2 weeks without considering DS?

He’s not letting it drop and I’m not having my holiday movements or planned being dictated by him wanting to pin us down to specific times.

WIBU to just tell him to fuck off if he carries on? He’s getting on my nerves always trying to be so controlling Angry

OP posts:
Idontbelieveinthemoon · 13/07/2018 19:47

Cut him off and say "that won't work for us" repeatedly til he gets it into his head that he can't control your holiday. Don't explain or engage other than to repeat that til he gives up.

Smellyrose · 13/07/2018 19:48

‘Okay, look forward to FaceTiming you’. Then just get on with your day, and tough on him if you’re not at the villa when he calls.

Original poster
Winosaurus · 13/07/2018 19:51

He’s really going mad about it and calling me controlling Hmm
He can be like a dog with a bone and not let things drop until he gets his own way.
I’m tempted to just turn my phone off for the duration of the holiday tbh

OP posts:
Batmanthedude · 13/07/2018 19:51

Just say no not guaranteeing it and then no more discussion. Ignore when he brings it up etc. Cheeky bugger

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 13/07/2018 19:52

I agree. Nod and agree, then carry on regardless.

You're being perfectly reasonable.

JacquesHammer · 13/07/2018 19:53

I would agree one time for a FaceTime chat when you’re in the villa.

It won’t restrict you for one night and is a kindness to ex and your son.

viques · 13/07/2018 19:59

Just agree. Not your fault if there are problems with the Internet.........

Original poster
Winosaurus · 13/07/2018 20:08

Jacques I have no problem with him FaceTiming DS but Ex is trying to insist on twice a day at those times.
By 11am we are out at the beach, exploring for the day etc and we are in quite a rural part of Spain so 7pm is when everyone is socialising, eating out etc. We’re only there for 6 nights so I’m not willing to restrict our movements to suit when Ex decides we should be speaking to him.

He usually has DS on a Weds and EOW and rarely ever calls in between, he’s often gone a whole week without speaking to DS so him trying to call him twice a day whilst we’re away reeks of control to me.

We’ll be away with my DP and his kids too so I wonder if he’s deliberately awkward because of that?
I’m happy for him to FaceTime but it’ll be at our convenience or he’ll have to make do with a phone call

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 13/07/2018 20:10

As I said I would happily set aside a day for it to work, but then that’s how ex and I do things - we’re both mindful of allowing the other maximum opportunity of being in touch whilst away.

Twice a day every day is obviously unreasonable.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/07/2018 20:11

Insisting on you being at the villa twice a day every day? Utterly ridiculous.

FaceTime when you can and not when you can't.

wandaandthealien · 13/07/2018 20:13

He booked to go abroad for 2 weeks so its his fault he isn't seeing his DS. I think you have been really kind to book your holiday whilst he is away anyway, and I would do as you said face time if possible or a call if not. Does he face time daily at home??

Original poster
Winosaurus · 13/07/2018 20:14

Ex and I are mostly very amicable, but he is saying it has to be at these times so it doesn’t interfere with his day or plans but he isn’t extending the same courtesy Hmm
He could easily FaceTime at other times - I suggested a bit earlier or a bit later for example but no... that would inconvenience him apparently.

We are only away for a week and will be home a full week before he returns, during which time he can FaceTime whenever he wants.

I honestly think this isn’t about a desperate need to be in contact with his son but about trying to continue to exert control over us

OP posts:
BounceAndClimb · 13/07/2018 20:14

Just tell him to ring when he's free and if you're available you'll answer.
Then put your phone on silent when you're busy and put it back on loud when you're at the villa.

Original poster
Winosaurus · 13/07/2018 20:15

Wanda no... literally never! See my PP

OP posts:
MakeItRain · 13/07/2018 20:19

Whatever you do, put it in writing and be polite and concise. I would send him an email saying you're ok for him to phone while you're away and that if you have Internet access and your ds is free to speak he can facetime. However you're likely to be out and about by 11am and eating at 7 pm so can't guarantee he'll be able to speak at precisely those times. Be polite and reasonable in your communication. He'll look like an idiot if he tries to accuse you of being controlling.

Original poster
Winosaurus · 13/07/2018 20:20

Tbh I think he looks like an idiot ranting on right now Grin

OP posts:
AlphaBravo · 13/07/2018 20:23

"That wont work for us. Call first and see if we're free. Enjoy your holiday"

Just dont engage him.

MakeItRain · 13/07/2018 20:28

Yes he does look like an idiot! But it's your word against his in the long run. Always good to have it in writing, you never know when you might need it!

timeisnotaline · 13/07/2018 20:33

We can’t commit to those specific times , they won’t work with daily activities. We could do the Wednesday 11am. The rest of the time you can call/message my phone and see if we are free or we could arrange one or two FaceTimes from the villa ad hoc at a time that suits us both, so we don’t spoil holiday plans.
Is it just this week you want to FaceTime ds a couple of times instead of the usual one or none? I’m wondering if I should explain to ds not to expect all this contact, that it’s just for this week on holiday you’re interested. I wouldn’t want his expectations to be raised, he’d love it if you wanted to FaceTime every couple of days from here on.

That’s the email I’d send.

Smellyrose · 13/07/2018 20:33

You could agree to one call on Wednesday (you choose morning or evening) as that’s the day ex usually sees DS, then point out that he never calls him during the week, so you won’t be planning your routine around him any other day.

MrsMozart · 13/07/2018 20:36

Tell him to jog on lass.

RandomMess · 13/07/2018 20:41

What does the court order say GrinWink

rookiemere · 13/07/2018 20:41

If he was so worried about not seeing his DS for a fortnight then he’d have been best not to book a fortnights holiday.

Perhaps you could suggest that you facetime him instead then do it when its 3am in the USA.

EscapistTendencies · 13/07/2018 20:45

If he carries on like that I'd be leaving your phone at home. I actually did forget my phone when I last went abroad and apart from missing my music playlists that I spent ages on it was bliss.

Ellie56 · 13/07/2018 20:45

Some good suggestions here OP. Your Ex sounds a bit of a twat. Hmm

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