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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help... whats happened???

95 replies

Pippa12 · 13/07/2018 19:16

My lovely 2yr old fireball of a little boy has dropped his daytime nap (not a problem... honest Wine) and putting up the biggest protest at bedtime. Previously he has had 6oz milk, straight into cot and self soothed himself to sleep...until last week. Now he cries at the sight of his grobag and cries for 15-30minutes before eventually settling. Other than lying on his floor while he falls asleep (which im not prepared to do!) nothing settles him. Ive resorted to crying it out, admittedly im a complete beginner but it does not seem to be helping. We've just had another 20minutes of hysteria before bed. Aibu to let him CIO and anyone any tips about where its all gone wrong!!!

OP posts:
AveAtqueVale · 13/07/2018 20:49

Flowers OP. Mine was very tricky when he dropped his nap. I found enforcing a ‘rest’ early-mid afternoon even if he didn’t nap helped. I’d either time an errand so he’d sleep in the car, or we’d both get into bed or sit on the sofa - sometimes I let him watch something on the iPad and he’d doze off and sometimes we just cuddled and sang songs etc and he’d have a drink of milk. If he didn’t sleep it was usually only for 20-30 minutes but it seemed to help tide him over to bedtime.

I also found giving him his milk to have himself lying down (you could maybe combine with looking at projector) helped. As it gave him something to do when he was initially put down and often forestalled protests.

Also, my DS1 never slept in a cot because he had more willpower than me Blush so I don’t have personal experience, but I do remember my friend saying her little girl suddenly got hysterical about being in a cot around 2, so she took the sides off to turn it into a toddler bed and her daughter was perfectly happy to go in it again. I think they can suddenly feel a bit trapped in a cot but not really know how to express it.

Giraffesandllamas · 13/07/2018 20:49

I think also, all children are different. My first child hardly slept until they were three. I assumed this was fairly normal. My second I kept waking up as I thought something terrible had happened, sleeping for more than three hours at a time.

mrsjezzabell · 13/07/2018 20:50

Going through the exact same thing with my 2 year old who has dropped her nap. It’s tough when you have other kids to attend to but I’ve just had to give in and I hold her hand until she goes to sleep. Sometimes it’s 5mins other times it’s more like 30mins. Like everything it’s just a phase.

quizqueen · 13/07/2018 20:51

Is there a grandparent who could help put him to bed for a while to ease him off his reliance on you? Can dad do it on the evenings he's there as your other children need your attention too?

Allthewaves · 13/07/2018 20:57

Love some of the perfect mothers on here Hmm

Only thing that settled ours was moving into toddler bed. We put gate on the door and usually they roamed around for first week then fell asleep

Original poster
Pippa12 · 13/07/2018 21:02

We both work shifts so there is only both of us here 2 nights a week. Id really like to crack this without disturbing my lovely mum although im more than sure she'd help if i asked.

I think taking the sides off is a option if your other suggestions dont work. I also like the idea of him having the bottle whilst watching projector as at minute he gets sleepy but then i disturb him to put him in the cot. Great ideas... thanks a million... glad i asked now!

OP posts:
TheOwlTheory · 13/07/2018 21:04

Why all the sneery comments about perfect mums? OP has asked if it's OK to let her DS cry it out and some people think it's not.

MNHQ
LornaMumsnet · 13/07/2018 21:06

Hi all,

Lets be as supportive as we can - OP, hope some of the advice on this thread works for you. Flowers

Foodylicious · 13/07/2018 21:14

My LO changed quite quickly from liking being in a sleeping bag to not at about 18 months.
I then got some on the ones with feet and about a year later he stopped liki g those too
Mostly he sleeps in nappy and pjs )and a vest top in colder weather). Kicks off any blanket or covers alot if the time.

Though we bed share so he has me as a hot water bottle I guess!

NWQM · 13/07/2018 21:15

My tip would be to stay with him and read a book. He'll see you enjoy reading. You get to read and do something more adult than just waiting. I found ten minutes could seem like forever but a couple of chapters of a good book is actually blissful.

Unexpectedbaby · 13/07/2018 21:15

19mo DD started doing this for few weeks. We were exhausted. She went from getting herself to sleep and sleeping through to still being awake at 10pm and only sleeping of a night if in bed with us.

Put her in a cotbed 2 weeks ago rather than her cot and it was like magic. She goes to sleep fine, odd tantrum for 5 minutes but then straight to sleep, and then sleeps through great.

Worth a thought.

Thesearepearls · 13/07/2018 21:16

Could you maybe make the reading story a settled (rather than occasional) thing? It can really relax them and what’s more it’s absolutely great for their educational development.

I think that’s why you were given an unsympathetic hearing tbh. The only thing that could have been more incendiary is if you’d said you were in the habit of giving your DS fruit shoots at bedtime.

Original poster
Pippa12 · 13/07/2018 21:17

Thanks Lornamumsnet tha majority of posts have been great and helpful. And for those that weren't... whatever makes them happy.

Im thinking the worlds dearest gro bag maybe the route of all that is evil!!!

OP posts:
petrolpump28 · 13/07/2018 21:20

for gods sake, theres nothing wrong with a bit of self preservation and the kid having a few tears.

Bluetrews25 · 13/07/2018 21:21

My first thought was the sleeping bag needs to go, too. (How would I feel if someone made me wear a mermaid tail? = tied my legs together so I couldn't walk? Not great, I can tell you!)
Big bed? Duvet?
He will not suffer terrible psychological damage if allowed to cry, I promise you. You are doing ok, let him continue to self-settle. You are teaching him a great skill.

LuckyJH · 13/07/2018 21:24

he's not a reading story type?
Hmm Have you actually tried reading to him or just looking at a book and talking about the pictures?

Fucking hell what judgemental crap! My DS (currently 10yo and reading Magnus Chase on the sofa) was not a story type. At all. Despite DD wanting endless stories (seemingly from birth) DS not. at. all. interested.

At. All.

Nothing you could do to make him want/like/be still/not get frustrated at stories.

He was not interested in reading until about aged 6.

He has just been assessed ( so 4 years on) as having the reading age of 13 years + (ie so advanced it is off the scale).

So fuck off to the judgmental twats "why don't you read to him". It doesn't work for all children and is no indicator of the child's intelligence/future reading ability!

Jeez

Good luck OP. Around this age can be a key separation anxiety time -maybe worth taking into consideration remembers the 4am visits from DD when she was a similar age

Original poster
Pippa12 · 13/07/2018 21:29

No im sorry- comments like that because i said my little boy wasn't a fan of books/stories!? Such as "what the hell is wrong with you??" Not acceptable and in no way helpful or supportive. I disagree with people all the time on here, but i read my posts to ensure that i am in no way offensive or derogatory to fellow users. It is a shame others cannot do the same. Water of a ducks back to me, but devastating to some.

Thank you for your replies/advice petrolblues and blewtrews! Gro bags are dirt in this house from now on!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippa12 · 13/07/2018 21:32

LuckyJH thanks for the support... i suppose thats what i really wanted to say but can never find the words Grin your post made me laugh!

OP posts:
SandunesAndRainclouds · 13/07/2018 21:35

What age are your other DCs? I’ve always done bath then downstairs on the sofa for quiet time before bed. This is a good time to read all together and have a warm drink before bed.

My eldest 2 are 14 and 12 and still come and sit with me for half an hour or so before bed, I don’t enforce it or ask them to. It’s a good time to unwind and I’ve found that their worries tend to come out at this time so we talk through ‘stuff’ or watch something together on TV. I’m so aware that it probably won’t last much longer so I really treasure quiet time.

polarpercy · 13/07/2018 21:39

Look after yourself and don't beat yourself up. This weather is probably not helping, look at the news reports about lost hours and tiredness in adults. My daughter is older but has been the same in this heat. When she was 2 we ended up ditching her sleep bag as it seemed to annoy her that she couldn't move her legs about as much, if that makes sense! The blanket gave her more freedom and once used to it she was fine. I also remember the lie on floor and try to sneak/slither out!

endofthelinefinally · 13/07/2018 21:42

Bring bed time forward by half an hour. He is getting overtired and therefore overstimulated.
Calm music on low in the background is helpful.

barnacharmer · 13/07/2018 21:43

Pretty much exactly a year ago when DD was 2 and a half, she went from sleeping really well to not sleeping at all.

We tried sitting with her, gradual retreat, all that stuff but my DD will not sleep with another person in the room (recently when she was being a nightmare DM tried to sit with her and came out 15 minutes later as it had just amped her up) and gradual retreat meant she'd stay awake longer waiting to see when you'd move.

We tried controlled crying, rapid return etc but she would go for hours and it never reduced. We got to the point one of us would end up sleeping on the floor outside her room because we just needed her to have some sleep. It went on for a few weeks. After drama through the night when she'd wake regularly and it would start over again, we put her in a big girl bed with duvet and moved her bed so she could see out the door. We would go into our bedroom and she could call out to check we were there. She could see our door from her bed. We had to be really firm and say if she came out of bed we'd go downstairs and carry it through - it worked from the first night. We have occasional blips but we still do it like that.

I think it all came down to separation anxiety and we felt awful for using it but we tried everything. Some kids don't respond to a story or someone sitting with them and the twatty comments from judgmental posters doesn't help. What works for your kid doesn't work for everyone's. You didn't make some awesome atmosphere which you child relaxed in, you lucked out with a child who responded the way you wanted.

Good luck op. It's awful, especially when there are other kids who need to go to bed. Whatever you do, I would suggest starting it earlier so when they eventually pass out, hopefully it's not too late and because the nap dropping means they're exhausted

HPandBaconSandwiches · 13/07/2018 21:44

Not sure if anyone has said, but that’s the classic age for nightmares/scared of the dark to begin.
If Grobag removal doesn’t work, I’d try projector/music/audio stories/night light. Good luck OP.

endofthelinefinally · 13/07/2018 21:44

Also, they do reach a point when a cot is too small and very uncomfortable.

polarpercy · 13/07/2018 21:45

Building on what endofthelinefinally has said (and I agree) my husband bought a hue bulb for our daughter's room so that you can control the dim/brightness from your phone. He then made settings on there for bedtime, morning time etc all set on a timer. It has been FAB(!) and I was really sceptical. Now she is a little older (4) he bought her a switch/controller for it so that she can control her lights. Again I was sceptical but she has been so good with it, and really likes having the control. I know your little one is too young for that bit but the hue has been pretty good

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