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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my husband to come home early?

73 replies

WirlyTwoo · 13/07/2018 15:36

I told my husband a few weeks ago that I would be having drinks with work colleagues on a Thursday night on account of me leaving the role and he suggested he could leave work early on the Friday (e.g. 4/430pm) so that he could look after my son for the last couple of hours before bedtime in case I was tired from the night before (I look after my son on Fridays). A couple of days before I asked my husband if he still thought he would be able to do that and he said yes, absolutely fine. Now it is the day after my leaving drinks (which I took easy on account of wanting to have a fun day with my son) and my husband told me in the morning he didn’t know what time he would leave. He’s now text me to say he has an away afternoon with colleagues doing a scavenger hunt and won’t likely leave until 5pm or later. I’m feeling a bit let down by this as I rarely ask him to come home early and think it’s very much optional for him to stay after 5 but think I’m probably being unreasonable. However, he does have a bit of a track record of saying he will be home at a reasonable time and then coming home much later after drinks with colleagues (e.g. he got home on Wednesday night at 1.30am). Appreciate your thoughts.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/07/2018 15:38

Is it his son too?

NotTakenUsername · 13/07/2018 15:38

I would feel let down by this. More so because he suggested it in the first place.

19lottie82 · 13/07/2018 15:41

YANBU he’s a dick. He’s cancelling on you when means you need to cancel your pre arranged plans? For a treasure hunt?

Nope. Tell him to get his arse home.

19lottie82 · 13/07/2018 15:41

Sorry I read the OP wrong Blush

BitOutOfPractice · 13/07/2018 15:43

Yanbu to be feeling let down. But you know you're married to an unreliable man.

Is it his son?

Original poster
WirlyTwoo · 13/07/2018 15:45

Yes it’s his son and we share childcare responsibilities equally.

OP posts:
DameFanny · 13/07/2018 15:47

Well you don't share childcare responsibilities equally if he's fucking off to the pub without notice on the regular

RafikiIsTheBest · 13/07/2018 15:50

Is this scavenger hunt part of his job ie compulsory and paid for? Is he apologetic?
I'm just wondering if this is a compulsory thing that has been announced today and he can't get home and will make it up to you, or is this him finding out something 'fun' is happening and said sod Wirly or something in between.

TwitterQueen1 · 13/07/2018 15:55

Not sure I understand properly. You went out Thursday evening and you're expecting your DH to come early because you might be tired on Friday evening? Does an evening out normally wear you out so much? Massive fuss about nothing surely?

The backstory is a separate issue.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/07/2018 15:57

Do you have health issues OP? It's quite unusual to be tired from a night out the previous day? What time did you get home?

afrikat · 13/07/2018 16:00

I'm guessing OP planned on having a few drinks on her leaving night so may have been hungover. That's pretty normal
I'd be more annoyed about his attitude than the change in plans. If he was apologetic and acknowledged he was going back on himself but explained why the work thing was important I think that would be ok. By getting annoyed or not acknowledging the original agreement I think he's being unreasonable

Slightlyjaded · 13/07/2018 16:04

I am also confused. So, by 'my son' you mean 'our son' and you still live together as a couple - so you are a family? What does it mean that you usually look after your son on Fridays?

All that aside, he said he'd do something, he didn't. Annoying.
You seem to need a lot of time to recover from a few drinks. Unless there is more to this, that is also potentially a bit annoying.

YABBU (both being unreasonable).

neveradullmoment99 · 13/07/2018 16:05

I would be very annoyed. Its almost as if he is going out of his way to be home late. I would be seriously pissed off. I agree with afrikat that if he explained that it was very important it would bother me less but its almost as if he doesn't care about the arrangement he has made with you.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 13/07/2018 16:06

Sorry i dont get it. I got out quite often but don’t expect my husband to leave his job early because I might be hungover? That’s ridiculous.

Drummingisfun · 13/07/2018 16:07

Well if you took it easy then I'm guessing you're fine and there's no need for him to leave early?

MissVanjie · 13/07/2018 16:10

you do sound like you're making heavy weather of it a bit, but otoh he offered to do you a favour and fucked off to the pub instead, and he sounds like he has form for it.

lifeisabeachsometimes · 13/07/2018 16:10

I would be insisting he left immediately personally, and I would be asking myself some serious questions as to whether I was happy with the 'pub' visits to 1.30am. There are no pubs open at that time, so where is he?

Sorry op but he is really being very disrespectful and you seem to be putting up with much more than I would ever find tolerable.

NorthernSpirit · 13/07/2018 16:11

What’s all this ‘my son’? Do you mean ‘our son’?

Nethertheless...

Yes, he said he’d come home a bit earlier to help you look after ‘my’ son.

He’s out in a work do. It’s really no big deal.

Stuckinthis · 13/07/2018 16:15

I think the reason for him coming home early is a complete red herring.

The issue here is DH suggested something, agreed again closer to the time and then cancelled last minute. That’s unreasonable and unfair and shows that he has little regard for commitments with you.

Brown76 · 13/07/2018 16:15

YANBU he offered, confirmed, then is changing the plans at no notice for a scavenger hunt. Sounds like one of those work away days that's been organised for ages, he must be very disorganised not to have known that. I'd want a lie in on Saturday.

AlpacaLypse · 13/07/2018 16:17

I would ignore Wednesday night, I didn't expect DP home early as sorrows needed to be drowned. But if yours routinely says he's going to be back by a certain time then suddenly changes, then I'd throw a hissy fit.

Curtainshopping · 13/07/2018 16:17

Well, if you took it easy last night and weren’t hungover this morning, he obviously thinks there’s now no need to come home early. But it would’ve been nice if he asked you if you minded him changing the plans, rather than just telling you.

Littlechocola · 13/07/2018 16:21

You went out last night and need him to come home because you are tired?
Do you have a medical condition?

NotTakenUsername · 13/07/2018 16:23

Do you have a medical condition?

Are we now accusing women of being ill when they hold their partners accountable to follow through on their promises? Wow.

SomeKnobend · 13/07/2018 16:23

we share childcare responsibilities equally
Um, really? Because it sounds like whenever he wants to go out, you look after ds, and whenever you want to go out, it's tough because he's going out anyway and he gets priority and you're the default parent.

He's a shit, isn't he.