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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my husband to come home early?

73 replies

WirlyTwoo · 13/07/2018 15:36

I told my husband a few weeks ago that I would be having drinks with work colleagues on a Thursday night on account of me leaving the role and he suggested he could leave work early on the Friday (e.g. 4/430pm) so that he could look after my son for the last couple of hours before bedtime in case I was tired from the night before (I look after my son on Fridays). A couple of days before I asked my husband if he still thought he would be able to do that and he said yes, absolutely fine. Now it is the day after my leaving drinks (which I took easy on account of wanting to have a fun day with my son) and my husband told me in the morning he didn’t know what time he would leave. He’s now text me to say he has an away afternoon with colleagues doing a scavenger hunt and won’t likely leave until 5pm or later. I’m feeling a bit let down by this as I rarely ask him to come home early and think it’s very much optional for him to stay after 5 but think I’m probably being unreasonable. However, he does have a bit of a track record of saying he will be home at a reasonable time and then coming home much later after drinks with colleagues (e.g. he got home on Wednesday night at 1.30am). Appreciate your thoughts.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 13/07/2018 20:55

Because he didn’t leave work early as his wife had a hangover?! How does that mean he is irresponsible. Ffs.

FASH84 · 13/07/2018 20:57

How many drinks did you have Thursday night if you're still suffering Friday night??

huha · 13/07/2018 21:54

You don't sound like a couple. "My son" is quite telling actually. Do you get along with your DH?

Notthemessiah · 13/07/2018 22:07

No you don’t.
He is an irresponsible and flaky husband.

Because of course you know him so well, based on 10 lines of text about one incident, posted on a forum..........

Nicknacky · 13/07/2018 22:11

I would love to hear the responses if the op’s husband had asked her to finish early as he had a hangover......

Would she be called irresponsible and flaky if she couldn’t do it? Doubtful.

tinyme77 · 13/07/2018 22:12

I think that you are being harsh. You can't leave work early because your partner has a hangover.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/07/2018 22:53

Except @tinyme77 it's not even that. Your partner planned on having a hangover, but actually hasn't got one.

tinyme77 · 13/07/2018 23:02

So true. Assume DH looked after their son last night while she was out. Given that she is not tired perhaps she should look after their child tonight while he goes out.

timeisnotaline · 13/07/2018 23:26

The issue is not was it so critical of him to be home this night - no as the op wasn’t hungover, but was it rude behaviour to offer something nice and then cancel it without notice or apology. Hell yes, very rude. If that behaviour is a pattern, flaky is a very mild term to apply. It could be as little a thing as person a days would you like some tea, I’m just making a cup. Person b : I’d love some but let me make it dear. Some time later - person a: what happened to that tea? Person b - oh I went through some papers. I didn’t make me any either. Person a: .

Repeat that a few times and person A gets pretty pissed off.

Caterina99 · 14/07/2018 00:11

I’d be a bit annoyed if DH said he was going to be home early and then wasn’t, but unless I actually was going out and him being late was stopping me, then I’d let it go as these things happen.

DH is normally good about that kind of thing though. If he had form for being unreliable then I’d be much more annoyed. Plus presumably he looked after your child last night while you were on your night out?

Paperplain · 14/07/2018 03:35

So you had your night out and are expecting him not to have some time out as you might be tired? Maybe he thought as you weren't hungover as you had thought you would be he didn't need to leave work early. A big fuss over nothing.

Monty27 · 14/07/2018 03:50

How equal is it really OP? Are you kidding? How would he feel if it was the other way round? Do you not normally socialise?

Did you speak to him today and say you felt fine? Did he know about this whatever team day it was with his job? How old is ds?
Sorry for all the questions but your op wasn't that informative.

NotTakenUsername · 14/07/2018 10:22

I would love to hear the responses if the op’s husband had asked her to finish early as he had a hangover......

The. DH. Offered.

Nicknacky · 14/07/2018 10:28

So what’s the big deal then if he offered and can’t do it! All these comments from posters calling him irresponsible and flaky if it was just an offer?

Roles reversed and people would be telling her she was mad to offer and he has to suck it up.

NotTakenUsername · 14/07/2018 10:30

No they really wouldn’t.

The issue is that if you offer to do something and don’t follow through you are flaky.

Talk is cheap.

Birdsgottafly · 14/07/2018 10:32

"" I think it’s a compulsory away day but I didn’t know anything about it.""

I think he might have forgotten about it. You need to ask him if he did, or if he is making promises he knows that he can't keep.

If you are both fully recovered have a chat about it today.

I could never do the after work stuff, my DH was disabled and needed help. Because of that I didn't 'gel' in the team as well as I could have, we were busy during work hours. There were opportunities that I missed because of it.

Nicknacky · 14/07/2018 10:36

not He is at work. Coming home at his normal time. Hardly flaky that he was unable to get away. I posted earlier that I frequently can’t get away from work despite what’s happening at home and I certainly wouldn’t be able to promise to get away early becuase my h had a hangover. Maybe the op’s boss didn’t allow him to leave early?

birds And on this situation the work related activities are in work time, he’s not even late home.

NotTakenUsername · 14/07/2018 10:38

“I certainly wouldn’t be able to promise to get away early becuase my h had a hangover.”

So presumably you wouldn’t offer. If you offered knowing that you certainly wouldn’t be able to promise to get away early becuase yoyr h had a hangover, you would run the risk of being flaky.

Nicknacky · 14/07/2018 10:41

I would offer to try for something important but not a hangover. But that offer wouldn’t be a definite, like the op’s husband.

It’s not set in stone.

He probably realised after he offered how ridiculous it was and was more worried about looking flaky to his boss and colleagues!

NotTakenUsername · 14/07/2018 10:54

You’re right. That’s probably exactly what happened...

Nicknacky · 14/07/2018 10:56

Who knows but I would be laughed out of work if I had asked to do this and I imagine most workplaces would do the same.

MadeForThis · 14/07/2018 11:44

He offered to finish work early in case you were hungover.

You weren't hungover.

He was offered an opportunity to do a work activity.

You weren't hungover.

You didn't need him

He is doing the work activity

I would have done the same.

RestingBitchFaced · 14/07/2018 13:50

Just have an early night on the Friday - what a big fuss about nothing!

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