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AIBU?

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Original poster

Birthday let down

62 replies

basketweave · 13/07/2018 08:57

It's my birthday and I feel abit miffed that dh hadn't got me a card or anything, he said yday he's been really busy and we will celebrate on Sunday, that's fine however I'm abit upset that i didn't get a card and a cup of tea, we've had a baby this year!! And I was really looking forward to a card with Mummy on it! He is normally abit crap with birthdays you have to tell him exactly what you want which I don't enjoy really, but I did it again even sent him the link, it was something for the house aswell not like I asked for diamonds, he only had to order it, but he hasn't even done that 😏. He works really hard and is busy, but he is always busy! He manages to organise himself for other things, I don't like thinking bad of him as he is always working for our family and looking after us, and we're very much in love and have a lovely life.

I'm going for lunch with some friends, not that he asked, and I Imagine on Sunday I'll get some flowers but it's over then, aibu to want a card on my birthday not days later when he can b bothered, just for ref, his birthday I took him on holiday and got him presents and arranged a birthday dinner on the beach. I only wanted a cup of tea and maybe some toast! Moan over! As I'm getting some awesome cuddles from my baby xx

OP posts:
Rogue1234 · 13/07/2018 09:03

Oh OP, that's crap.

A lot of people on here pretend that they don't care about their birthdays and that you must be immature for doing so, but I'd be gutted. Especially about not getting A "mummy" card.

Hope you have a fab time with your friends to make up for it - eat lots of cake! Happy birthday CakeFlowers

BlueBug45 · 13/07/2018 09:04

Sorry OP you need to tell him it is not on. Cards and flowers can be brought from supermarkets and petrol stations that are all ooen doing hours so he has no frigging excuse.

Otherwise he will do this to your baby as well when they are older.

spanishwife · 13/07/2018 09:05

That's absolutely shit - just read out exactly what you've said here to him, make him realise how awful and unappreciated he's made you feel. Remind him all the things you did for him on his birthday, and next year, do the very minimum.

WorldCupnovice · 13/07/2018 09:09

Why do some men do this? My DH has occasionally said that he has had no time to get a birthday/anniversary/Valentines card. These celebrations are on the same date each year ffs, you have had a year's notice to make time to buy a card.

MumW · 13/07/2018 09:10

Happy Birthday. FlowersCake

LyndseyKola · 13/07/2018 09:11

I think a lot of new parents are forgetful in the first year and things slip by the wayside!

If he’s normally thoughtful and this is a one off I’d cut him some slack and accept his making up on Sunday with good grace so it’s not ruined.

YouBetterWORK · 13/07/2018 09:18

It would be different if you were happy to wait till the weekend, but no. Your birthday is on your birthday - not whatever weekend date he can be arsed to make an effort on!

Agree with prev poster, supermarkets have cards, flowers and are open till late. I'm sure at some point today he'll be sat on his bum or on his phone when he could be doing a quick dash, especially since it's the first one for a mummy card. Happy Birthday WineCake

Condragulations · 13/07/2018 09:18

As far as the mummy card goes- I totally get it. But YABU I’m afraid.
For my first mother’s day I really set myself up for a card from my baby. My husband never got one and honestly didn’t think I’d be upset because DS was 3 months old- he had no clue what Mother’s Day was and wasn’t about to buy/sign me a card. No hurt was intended and actually once he’d explained his viewpoint I realised it made more sense than a card from my husband with “mummy” on it lol

Having said that YANBU to expect a card and a bit of fuss on your birthday from your DH!

beachysandy81 · 13/07/2018 09:27

I would be upset by the lack of thought too. A card would not have been difficult to get.

LadyLoveYourWhat · 13/07/2018 09:31

Oh, congradulations how can your husband possibly not have known about mothers' day. We made cards at school for our mums pretty much all through primary school so it can hardly have passed him by. Does he not have a mother, or a gran? It really isn't nonsensical for dads to buy and sign a card from their baby children. Seems to me it's only the dads that can't be arsed who make this argument, it's very churlish (and not very loving) to make a philosophical argument about why you shouldn't instead of choosing to do something that would make your partner happy, it's hardly a lot of effort!

LadyLoveYourWhat · 13/07/2018 09:36

Happy birthday, BTW, basketweave 🎂

You are not being unreasonable to expect a card on your birthday. Don't hide how upset you are, and don't be persuaded that you shouldn't have expected a "To Mummy" card. And let him know that now he knows exactly how you feel about this, next year he has no excuse. Your feelings matter.

fourandnomore · 13/07/2018 09:36

I think the pp meant her 3 month old had no idea what Mother’s Day is, not her dh. Happy birthday OP! We always do cards and gifts in the evening for adults as there’s more time, maybe you’ll get a nice surprise later, also just text him today saying you’re happy to wait till Sunday to do something special but you’d rather have your cards and presents today - he no doubt has a lunch break or could be later home to sort himself out. Do give him a chance though, don’t spoil your day feeling like this as it’ll only be awful for you. Enjoy your lunch with friends Cake

Enb76 · 13/07/2018 09:36

To cheer you up

BalloonDinosaur · 13/07/2018 09:38

I'm sorry OP that's rubbish. I really think a card/cuppa etc isn't too much to ask. My DP is a bit the same so I do sympathise and don't think YABU at all.

Happy Birthday Thanks I hope you have a lovely lunch with your friends.

cakecakecheese · 13/07/2018 09:40

Happy Birthday!

I'd be upset too. There's no excuse, it takes 5 minutes to organise a card and gift from Moonpig if he's really that strapped for time. Or even outsource it to his Mum etc to grab you something.

Perhaps he'll come home with something tonight? But if not when you do get something at the weekend say thank you and that you appreciate it but next time can he do it on your actual birthday!

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/07/2018 09:41

No a mummy card and a cuppa isn’t too much to ask for. You need to tell him in such a way that he listens that you are disappointed and want it to be different with Mother’s Day, Christmas and your birthday next year. Happy birthday. Flowers

Ginslinger · 13/07/2018 09:44

Happy birthday - Flowers I think you need to explain to him how disappointed you are and say that in future you would like to celebrate your birthday on the day.

KokoandAllBall · 13/07/2018 09:52

Don't fall into the trap of spoiling him like mad on his birthday hoping he'll take the hint. It never works.

Ellie56 · 13/07/2018 09:54

Your DH is a thoughtless knob. There is no excuse at all for not getting a card or a present.

Our son is always busy busy working all day and then studying at night, but we still get cards and gifts on the appropriate dates, usually courtesy of Moonpig.

www.moonpig.com/uk/?adid=GGLBRANDOTHER&gclid=Cj0KCQjwm6HaBRCbARIsAFDNK-gBrbXAQAxVW8HWHsTlfMmEJXVSoL2gxhqK-CuGRbITecKyUBrwPEkaAr4eEALw_wcB

Blackteadrinker77 · 13/07/2018 09:56

Why do some men do this?

I'm a woman that does it. It's my husbands birthday today too and I haven't gotten him a card or anything. I have however taken a day off work to take him out to lunch.

Op says he has always been shit with birthdays.

bertielab · 13/07/2018 10:00

Tell him to value you or you won't be there if it happens again. That is really unfair and devaluing.
In the mean time grab a friend, leave the kids with your DH and go out. Happy birthday.

Original poster
basketweave · 13/07/2018 10:05

Thanks everyone, glad you don't think imbu, I didn't mind at all when he said we would do somthing on Sunday, but I am surprised that I feel abit upset, he will do what he normally does and go and buy somthing quick and normally expensive last minute for Sunday, when I'd rather of had a card and a baby grow with love Mummy on today and then it to be over , feel abit embarrassed now when my friends ask today, I don't want to make him look bad, but I can't b bothered to lie , I'm tired been up since 4 with littleone .

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/07/2018 10:05

In what way is he busy OP?

Happy birthday 🎁🎂🥂

speakout · 13/07/2018 10:08

Happy Birthday OP.

If I were you I would book myself somewhere nice on Sunday- without OH.
He can look after your baby.

For me I would book into a good yoga class and then a massage, either alone or with a friend.
Or arrange afternoon tea with a girlfriend, go to the cinema- whatever floats your boat.
Get a takeaway on the way home.

Original poster
basketweave · 13/07/2018 10:10

Greatduck- he has got his own business And it's pretty 24/7, and he had staff problems this week, but my birthday is the same day each year, he always leave it last min, could of sorted it last week, I made out this morning that I wasn't bothered as don't want him to feel bad, but I am, his birthday is just after Xmas and plan it before Xmas as I know there won't be much time and don't want to be rushed, anyway there is worse things but it's just another year with limited effort

OP posts:
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