Does anyone else wonder about babies they’ve met?

[LadyOdd]

When I had DD I ended up being induced by drip 11 months ago and was in hospital for 6 days no real complications just a very busy time.

The woman across from me had her baby taken into care this was arranged when she was 6 months pregnant (I heard all about it from the gossiping ladies, I didn’t have much to say about it) on the first day her family brought her lots of flowers her DP? I assume got very drunk and had to extorted out, the mother didn’t spend a night there as she wanted her own bed.

I often saw him at night when I was feeding DD and during the day as the nursery nurses mostly looked after him, on the day they did his exit check over her sister was there alone with him she had bought him a suit, she was weeping and saying to the doctor how she wished she could care for him 😢 the baby cried so much when the doctor checked him over.

He was taken into care shortly after, I wept so much for this poor boy that day and if I could have I would have taken him myself (ridiculous hormonal me! I struggle with one) but I find myself occasionally looking at my beautiful DD and thinking about that little boy hoping he is in a loving home.

Sorry about the long winded message currently got the flu and feeling a bit emotional. Does anyone else think about babies they’ve met?

That poor woman described in the OP

I often think of a little boy who used to come to the same new mother group as DS and me. He had some known health problems (digestive tract, squint), but reading between the lines they were waiting to find out what other issues he might have.

As the babies got older, this little boy fell behind, and it was heartbreaking to see his mother desperately encouraging him to do the same things the other babies were doing. Then one day they didn't come, and we didn't see them again, although I've often thought of them and hoped they are doing well (she was a very likeable and intelligent woman).

I suspect that many of those children have health issues, special needs and trauma, so actually adopting them is very hard work and not easy.

A few of my friends who have adopted found it a lot harder than they were told and more complex needs than originally told aswell, which when you think about it, makes sense.

All in all, not easy.

When my DS was born I was I a room next to a lady who was an addict. She left the hospital at one point to get a fix. they allocated a guard who sat outside her room so she couldn't take the baby with her. She was 24 and it was her 8th child. He was to be taken into care. I never saw him but I saw she'd put teddies and toys in his empty cot.
The MW told me he had the same name as my son. I still think of him and hope he is ok and loved.

When I was in hospital after having DC1, there was a lady in in the next set of cubicles to me, with a baby a day or two older than mine. Her baby was going to be taken into care, and she was understandably upset about it. I think it was due to the mother being a bit developmentally delayed rather than an abuser (but who can say for sure).

It's hard to explain, but she seemed to understand that the baby was going to be taken away, but at the same time she was rather aggressively refusing to understand why.

After DC2's birth, there was a woman in the bed diagonally opposite mine who wanted to leave the hospital a few hours after the birth. The parents spent the entire time they were in the room phoning around trying to find a baby seat and a lift home from the hospital. Their entire attitude, demeanour, manner of speaking etc just screamed that the baby was an inconvenience and wasn't going to be looked after properly. Only a few hours old, and already life seemed crap.

when I had my eldest the girl in the bed opposite me was about 13/14 and in foster care and had just had a little boy. Social services were determined to take him away from her, even though she had a very supportive foster family who were happy to continue to foster her and the baby. She absolutely adored him, but SS wouldn't even give her a chance. Worse still, they allowed her to keep him for the 5 days she was in hospital after her C section to bond with him, then intended to take him away once she went back to her foster family. So sad, I often wonder what happened to her and to the baby and if they managed to stay together or not, I do think she would have been a good mum if given a chance and the right support.

Having worked in Children's Social Care I spend a massive amount of time thinking babies and children I've met. Some form years ago. It can get exhausting.

Not a baby story but a tear jerker

I went to secondary school with a boy who didn't know who his Dad was (his mother didn't know) and his Mum was a drug addict, and dealer and also involved in prostitution. He was always scruffy and in need of new clothes, and just kept his head down as he was so cut up with it all.

He was really bright and stayed in 6th form with us and was in my form and one day we all had to do a presentation and he opened up to what living with an addict was like. We were all in tears.

His Mum died shortly after while we were still in 6th form and his best friends parents took him in. He got incredible results, went to Uni and I saw him a while back in our local town; he's married, has 2 kids and a career as a teacher.

I said to him you've done amazing, he said to me, "I had to break that cycle" I nearly cried when he said that.

He said "I never want to put my kids thru what happend to me; It would have been so easy to follow that manic lifestyle" and He said he wanted to work with young people to stop the revolving door. He's a total inspiration to the human race.

The same day I gave birth to my daughter in 2003 a newborn baby was found in a shed on my old street, a little boy left in a black bag. They called him Sam after the paramedics initials and I think of him often. And of course the poor mother who felt she had to do what she did.

When my baby was waiting for a liver transplant, we were in hospital for 5 months. There was a baby in the bed facing, who was also waiting.
His mum was a single mum, no dad on the scene. One morning i came onto the ward and the nurses were crying. Apparently his mum went and threw herself off the car park roof. No idea what happened to the baby but it was horrible as he was always on his own, crying in his cot with nobody coming for him :(

When I had my first DC there was a young woman in the bed opposite me with some learning difficulties. She really wasn't sure how she'd got pregnant in the first place and had a terrible birth. I was in for 10 days as my baby was premature, and she was still in when I left. The midwives kept showing her how to feed, change and bath the baby. Over and over again. Her only visitor was her mother who didn't seem too clued up either.

My DC is 18 now. I often wondered what happened to her baby

I did work experience in a nursery when I young, and have always remember a little girl there. It was a group of slightly older kids (as in not babies and young toddlers), and I wonder what the tiny girl was doing in the group, as she seemed maybe 18 months old to me, but apparently she was 3 years old. I never learnt what her circumstances or health issues were - obviously the staff didn't share anything personal or confidential with me. There wasn't any talk of special needs.

She was just so tiny, so fragile, and always left out from all the games. The staff sadly often kind of ignored her, apart from making sure she wasn't in any actual danger. I got told off for pulling her in a cart along the playground, as they were trying to encourage her to walk apparently, and "she won't learn if people just pull her or carry her". So she mostly just sat there and watched what was going on around her. She didn't talk at all, either. She never took part in any organised activities, apart from being present.

She got picked up by parents who were grumpy and very quick about it, and never asked how her day had been or how she'd been in the nursery. Without any other grounds at all, I just felt so sad about the little girl. She never even reacted when her parents came to get her, like most other kids. I have no idea if she had any diagnoses and was getting any special support elsewhere, and dearly hope so.

SmileSweetly , your friend sounds a wonderful lady, and I am glad to see she is in touch still with some of the once fostered children.

Shockers, you as well. If I had been adopted I would have hoped for somebody like you.

You ladies who either foster, or adopt , you are amazing . You take on little tiny babies and have no idea what issues you may face but you do, head on .
Respect.

I was in 6th form with a girl who was adopted.

Her Mum was a teacher and her dad an anethetist . (spelling is wrong, not sure how you spell it)
Really lovely family , lovely big house I could, and can, only dream of ever owning but nothing stuck up about them at all .

Last I heard she had gone to college to train to be a Chef ..
Lost touch so long ago but I like to think she is living her dream .

I live in a country in Africa, its rainy season. I walked home today past tens of mothers begging with babies and toddlers on their laps, in wet clothes, on crowded pavements by busy polluted roads. Most of the children are skinny, some with rheumy eyes. Sometimes the mother is disabled or clearly very sick, lying down, head covered while the child just sits next to her gazing into space. Usually not crying, as I guess they already know it's pointless. Some days - today was one - it just pierces your heart wondering what those poor little mites have to look forward to in life, and what anyone can do about it. And comparing them to my own safe, warm, fed children. I'm not religious but sometimes I wish I was if it could be a way to deal with how truly unfair life is.

I was having my first child a long way from home. She was going to be very sick when born. Met a young woman about my age Early 20’s who was visited by her much much older partner and her 3 year old son. Little boy was kept in a pushchair every single evening never acknowledged but occasionally given a bag of crisps. In a month she didn’t have a shower even after giving birth her her new child. Even as young as I wS I knew something was terribly wrong. A few years later her children were found alone in a house. The eldest was barely alive the youngest had died. The contents of his nappy was found in his stomach at post mortum. I’ll never forget

I didn’t meet him, but very shortly after my daughter was born in 2015, a baby boy was found in the River Taff. I lived very close to it at the time and walked by, with my newborn daughter in her pram, all the police.

Affected me horribly when I found out they had been bringing a baby out of the water.

They never found any relatives, never mind his mother. Though it is believed he was stillborn rather than killed. He was given the name Sion and was buried a year later after some fund raising had gone on to ensure he wasn’t laid to rest in an unmarked grave.

It still makes me so sad, I often think of him, why his mother abandoned him, what happened to her, the life he should be living.

I was 15 when I had my dd and she was born with a congenital heart defect which meant she had surgery at 2 days old (and 6 more since). There is a photo of me holding in shock with my hair in plaits wearing a nightie. I looked very young for my age and often wonder if other mums or relatives on the ward were concerned about my baby’s welfare due to my age.

Lord, there's some sad stories here. And all you adopters and fosterers of children in difficult circumstances - you are amazing.
Not a baby, but a girl I was in infants school with. I lived in Australia and went to an old fashioned school with a wide covered porch outside the classrooms. A girl in my class sat on the seats outside our classroom door, whatever weather, just sat, rocking, totally non verbal. If anyone tried to get to do anything she didn't want to, she'd scream and kick. Now, I recognise she had a significant ld, but then!? If she's still alive, she'll be about 60.

metoothree, is there anything you could do to add to the work being done by any Charities in the area?

My DD is Friends with two Women from Africa, they were only 'saved' by a few of their relatives being able to reach the UK and work and send money/food/goods back home. One of them now has the right to remain and the other is seeking asylum, but we have said that we will help her if she cannot remain.

Birdsgottafly I do help, as I can, and so do others, charities, churches, mosques etc. It does make me feel a little less helpless and I'm sure gives some temporary relief. But the problem is just too huge, you know? The stark inequality of this world. Even if some of them manage to escape their terrible beginning in life, most will be hungry, sick and die young, that's the awful truth.

Oh my tears are rolling down my face @matchingpjs I just can’t even start ☹️ When I went to Morocco there was a woman I often walked past who was out at all hours with her baby begging it was so heart breaking especially seeing all the Syrian refugees lined up in the street I just couldn’t stand it. It was a very cheap holiday as we went in December all in for 2 it was 200 quid including flights, I wish I could have helped all of them.