Does anyone else wonder about babies they’ve met?

[LadyOdd]

When I had DD I ended up being induced by drip 11 months ago and was in hospital for 6 days no real complications just a very busy time.

The woman across from me had her baby taken into care this was arranged when she was 6 months pregnant (I heard all about it from the gossiping ladies, I didn’t have much to say about it) on the first day her family brought her lots of flowers her DP? I assume got very drunk and had to extorted out, the mother didn’t spend a night there as she wanted her own bed.

I often saw him at night when I was feeding DD and during the day as the nursery nurses mostly looked after him, on the day they did his exit check over her sister was there alone with him she had bought him a suit, she was weeping and saying to the doctor how she wished she could care for him 😢 the baby cried so much when the doctor checked him over.

He was taken into care shortly after, I wept so much for this poor boy that day and if I could have I would have taken him myself (ridiculous hormonal me! I struggle with one) but I find myself occasionally looking at my beautiful DD and thinking about that little boy hoping he is in a loving home.

Sorry about the long winded message currently got the flu and feeling a bit emotional. Does anyone else think about babies they’ve met?

I still think about the babies in the hospital when my son was born 43 yrs ago.

What a sad story OP. Hopefully that baby has found a lovely family. Doubtless it will have a better life than if it had stayed with its mother.

When I was on the transitional care ward after having DD there was a heavily pregnant woman staying in a private side room who always had 2 police officers with her. I assume she was a prisoner? I saw her in the kitchen and just around the ward and she made me very nervous, she definitely had an edge. Then when I was pregnant with DS I saw a woman in handcuffs and with a police escort waiting to be scanned. I often wonder about what happened to their babies. Especially when cuddling my gorgeous baby boy, I hope those babies have someone to gaze adoringly at them too.

When I was having my son in hospital there was a female prisoner in having her sixth child. She was chained to a prison warden the whole time.

The first baby I delivered as a qualified paramedic, Mum was a prostitute and addicted to crack cocaine and heroin both of which she had taken during labour. I remember being terrified as I thought I was going to have to resus the baby when she was born but she pinked up nicely. Mum already had 4 children who had all been taken into care, as we took her in to hospital she cuddled the baby and the look of love in her eyes was overwhelming. Unfortunately love isn't always enough but I still hope that the little girl came through being born addicted and was placed with a loving family and that Mum eventually got clear of the drugs which ruled her life and that she made a better one for herself.That little girl would be starting school now.

My parents were foster carers (short term, although it was while a future was decided so in reality up to 2 years). I think about our temporary but loved (by us) brothers and sisters a lot. We saw a photo of two of them on a flyer for a caravan holiday place which gives free holidays to children in care and struggling families, they looked happy and were together, but I guess their lives will never be "easy".

I wonder if they remember us, and also wonder if they use any of our little family sayings and phrases - that was one of the things the birth parents often found hardest.

Agree with a PP that the mums in particular loved their kids but were just totally unable to prioritise their needs. Sadly it was usually just repeating history after a difficult childhood themselves.

I have a friend who fosters newborn babies (one at a time, not plural!) until the adoption process goes through.

She is the most wonderful loving and nurturing woman and obviously very experienced with newborns. They usually stay with her quite few months before their new parents have them.

The integration is slow, with new parents visiting often, coming to her home to do bath time and bed time etc. And taking baby for the day until they finally take baby home for good.

The babies my friend have fostered are surrounded by love and go on to have very happy (and often privileged) childhoods. She often stays in touch and gets invited to go and visit or attend birthday parties and gets updates, she always loves them a little bit.

She is an amazing lady.

This is a sad thread, but also lovely reading some of the stories of amazing things people do. Not my story, but my colleagues and his wife, who have now adopted 3 beautiful girls from a lady who unfortunately is unable to care for them. All three were born addicted to heroin. At Christmas last year, they were told she is pregnant again. They are now preparing to welcome a baby boy. They say this will be the last time they adopt, but it will break their heart that they can't home any further siblings together.

My son was taken into care at birth and brought to us as a foster child. We later adopted him and his older sister, who had been in another foster home. He has only known us as parents since birth, but knows he’s adopted. I made life story books for both children, which are on the bookshelf, and have been throughout their lives in case they want to look.

I’ve always let them know that if they want to ask about their birth parents, they can, but I haven’t pushed the matter because they’ve never wanted to. My son told me, when he was around 8, that he wanted to ‘be like everyone else, with just one mum.’ I explained that families are all very different and that ‘everyone else’ won’t necessarily only have one mum.

Although the children (now 18 and 19) don’t want contact, I have written regularly to their birth mum through SS mailbox facility, and she has written back.

I will be forever grateful to this woman I have never met for the gift of the children she didn’t want to lose. I haven’t always felt compassion for her; my daughter has FAS, and the fact that she is disabled by something preventable was difficult for me to come to terms with for a long time. But their birth mum has turned her life around and I hope that one day, our children will feel ready to meet her.

I've never met these two, but about the time I was born there were also twin boys born. Both birth mothers had put us up for adoption. My adoptive parents were offered the twin boys, but said no and adopted me instead. My Mum told me the story of the twins when I was older (I'd already known I was adopted). It was only in adulthood that I thought about the bigger picture with the twins. Were they adopted together, or were they separated? If they were separated, have they finally found each other?

I didn't meet this baby either; when I was in my late teens I was on a London-Edinburgh train. Not long after we pulled out of Newcastle, the train came to a halt and an announcement came over the tannoy asking for any doctors, nurses or midwives to go to the restaurant car where a lady was in labour. She must have had a relatively quick labour, as we started moving after about an hour or so. I can't remember whether they announced that it was a boy or girl and I'm not sure what side of the border we were on - was the baby born in England or Scotland?

I did meet this baby. I was involved in a RTA on a busy dual carriageway (100% the other driver's fault). Fortunately nobody was injured. A car that had been close behind me stopped to help me. It was a baking hot day and they were a young couple with a baby. The husband stayed with me (the other driver was getting aggressive) and his wife phoned the police and then gave me a carton of Ribena. Despite the heat and the wait for the police, the baby slept through it all!

Sorry, slightly off-topic I guess, but I still think of all of these babies - all now adults!

When my teens were at pre-school I was asked to help make a history book for a sibling pair who were in care and about to be adopted. The mum was only allowed to see them, supervised, at the pre-school, and she was pregnant with a child who was going to be taken into care at birth. I was involved because my dc played with her dc, were the closest friends they had, so SS asked if I would permit photos of them in the book. I do not know any further details. It was both heartbreaking, and hopeful. Hopeful for a better future for them. I did get a brief letter with a happy photograph of the children in their new home, but, of course, nothing since.

I think of the adopted children I know now, the challenges they face, the successes they have achieved, and the love their adopting families have for them, and I remain hopeful for those two children (and the third whom I never met).

I previously worked in a safeguarding nurses role I think of those children every day, I did have one horrible case that really affected me in relation to a little girl, I often think of her, I've been left a while now but I saw her at soft play about a month ago (sheer fluke) I recognised her straight away she was totally thriving and happy! So lovely to see! I often think of when I was a student nurse and did my maternity placement all those squidgy newborns I met, they'll be 16 now

Similar story to you OP. The day my DC was born there was a woman on the ward who had a son the same day. They were kept in all weekend as he was due to be taken into care on the Monday. I assume very chaotic life, the father was in jail. He was a tiny baby, possibly related to the fact she chain smoked (on the ward until the midwife caught her). She loved that baby, I'd hear her crying during the night as she held him, and she looked after him as thou he were made of glass. I still think of them both often, every milestone my DC reaches I wonder if he is doing the same.

Wow so many responses! Thank you for posting it’s a real slice of life from so many of you x I’ll go through them more tonight as it’s a busy day here but just wow! @Lymphy safeguarding nurses role sounds very hard I know a few woman who left because of what they saw especially after having their own children x I’m glad the little girl was happy and healthy x

When I was doing a care course one of the teachers told us a story of a very brave woman I sometimes spare a thought for all those involved.
*Abuse trigger warning

Here husband was incredibly abusive mentally physically and financially and was violent towards the three children under the age of 5. She made a plan to leave and she started saving money from going shopping (this was a while ago before having phones in your own home were common) she bought things on deals and pocketed the difference.

One day he came home drunk and furious and took it out on the 3 year old he had grabbed him by the legs and dangled him out the window smashing his face and breaking his arm, the man refused to let her take him to the hospital she waited until he fell asleep and took all the
children to the train station where she went to catch the last train.

She didn’t have enough money! The ticket man seeing the state of the children paid it himself and contacted the safeguarding ss team at the other end to meet her.

My teacher said as she waited to meet this woman at 1am and seeing the state of the poor children she quit her job as it was too heartbreaking. I think about this family and hope they are happy 30 something’s now.

I do sometimes yes!

I’ve a friend ( well we have little contact these days) she had 2 babies removed at birth due to them being a risk of future harm as the father has been to prison for violence. My friend wouldn’t leave him when the first was born and he was taken in to foster care from the hospital at 10 days old and was adopted then my friend got pregnant again and wondered why the same thing happened? I feel for the children as they deserved better than to be born and dumped in care, they would both be at school now and I hope they have a happy life with adoptive parents.

My parents were foster careers when I was growing up mainly for teens so I met many different children and while I don’t recall them all some have stuck in my mind becuase they come from such disgusting parents people that really shouldn’t be allowed children and had such sad lives. I wonder what become of them after a childhood of fucked up parents and being in and out of foster care, I’d like to think they found some happiness and love. 2 Of then I am in touch with via faceboook and they are happily married with dc and from the photos, chats we've had they are very happy but have no contact with their parents.

I had my dc in a private hospital so had private room but I got talking to one of the other mums on a walk one night trying to get dc to sleep and she had a baby boy also the same weight as mine and they both had brown hair, blue eyes I know that’s probably not unusual but it fascinated me. We ended up crying together just with the emotion of it all and then she gave me a sip of her gin- she was a legend of a woman! Eveytime my oldest hits a milestone I often think of her little boy

I was one of those babies OP, albeit a few years ago. The nurses in the hospital bought me a teddy bear because I had no family.

Now in a successful career with a lovely family and two amazing small boys :)

I’ll be the first to admit I was lucky, but I wanted to voice a positive story.

What a bittersweet thread.

My daughter was born by CS and we were in hospital for a few days. This was 26 years ago but even then most women who had straightforward births were in and out in a matter of hours. Those of us who needed more care were all grouped together at one end of the ward (long, old-fashioned layout) near the nurses' station.

When the consultant descended to do her ward round, everybody could hear everything as the curtains round the beds were far from soundproof. Thus it was I heard her saying to a woman who had also had a CS that she really needed to take birth control seriously this time. She had just a second CS eight months after her first child was born. The second child was in special care, as must have been very early. I hope she heeded the consultant's words.

A woman across from me in the ward when I had DS constantly left her baby alone to go smoke outside. She hadn’t brought nappies with her so had to keep being given some by the midwives. At one stage she sent what I assume was her DP out to get some and he came back with size four nappies . I often wonder what sort of life that boy will have now.

My DP was adopted at birth from a birth mother who we know from SS paperwork had previously had two children taken into care, and who had sought no antenatal care at all during her pregnancy. I’m sure there’s a lot more to it, but DP has never wanted to contact her and I can understand that. However he was taken into foster care at birth and placed with someone who sounds amazing from the paperwork - he briefly went into hospital and the carer went to hospital daily to play with him and cuddle him. I love that there was someone who looked after him so well. She wrote a beautiful letter to DP’s parents when they adopted him telling them all about him, and saying to contact him if they needed anything at all. DP had such a happy childhood and has amazing parents.

I thought about it a lot when my babies were born, and then again at 11 weeks (the age DP was adopted at) and it made me so sad. But there’s no doubt in my mind at all that he has had a far better life than if he hadn’t been adopted.

When I was in hospital after having ds1 the girl next to me was having her baby taken in to care. She had a friend with her and all night in between arguing loudly on her phone they were going in and out to smoke constantly. The baby was barely considered apart from by a midwife. Really sad.

I used to nursery nurse. When I was newly qualified the place I worked had had siblings in foster care, the children had marks on their arms from cigarette burns and the eldest really struggled with emotions. It did have a happy ending, I went back to work there during uni holidays and the siblings were eventually adopted. They will be adults now and I hope they have happy lives.

One of my twins spent two months in nicu and I think of many of those babies, but there’s one that really sticks with me.

He was admitted to HDU at 3 months old with whooping cough - spent 11 nights in there with him and there had to be a parent with him at all times so I didn’t leave once. In the isolation room opposite was a little girl (about 1) with loads of toys and sensory equipment. In the 11 days I saw three different groups of adults come and see her, only once each, for a short time. The rest of the time she was alone.

We went back in 15 months later and she was still there. Still no adults around. The staff absolutely doted on her. She was obviously blind, with a trach, and various other issues.

I think about her all the time and wonder if she’s still there, five months on.

I was in hospital with ds for 4 weeks. He has a floppy larynx. All good now but he was quite ill. We were in Bristol children's hospital for 3 weeks. Saw lots of children coming and going but opposite us was a baby boy who had been there since birth. He had a few problems and went down for long awaited surgery the day we left. I often think about him and hope he was ok.

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I was opposite a lady in hospital who cannot have been much older than 20. Her daughter was already in care and she had someone watching her 24/7 with the new baby. Her solicitor was trying to get her a place in a mother and baby home, social services wanted to take the baby straight into Foster care.

It was heartbreaking. Even from the small amount of time I spent on the ward with her I could see she wasn't equipped to look after a baby, but she adored him and was so distraught when the court case didn't go her way. I am 100% sure it was the best decision for the little boy but I have so much sympathy for her.

This thread has made me cry. So many sad stories, I hope there were many unknown but happy endings.