Does anyone else wonder about babies they’ve met?

[LadyOdd]

When I had DD I ended up being induced by drip 11 months ago and was in hospital for 6 days no real complications just a very busy time.

The woman across from me had her baby taken into care this was arranged when she was 6 months pregnant (I heard all about it from the gossiping ladies, I didn’t have much to say about it) on the first day her family brought her lots of flowers her DP? I assume got very drunk and had to extorted out, the mother didn’t spend a night there as she wanted her own bed.

I often saw him at night when I was feeding DD and during the day as the nursery nurses mostly looked after him, on the day they did his exit check over her sister was there alone with him she had bought him a suit, she was weeping and saying to the doctor how she wished she could care for him 😢 the baby cried so much when the doctor checked him over.

He was taken into care shortly after, I wept so much for this poor boy that day and if I could have I would have taken him myself (ridiculous hormonal me! I struggle with one) but I find myself occasionally looking at my beautiful DD and thinking about that little boy hoping he is in a loving home.

Sorry about the long winded message currently got the flu and feeling a bit emotional. Does anyone else think about babies they’ve met?

Aww Bernie ❤️ It’s amazing how even children we know so little about can touch our hearts x

@tabulahrasa I don’t doubt that he is better off, the fathers? drunkenness at the hospital put any qualms I might have had to rest (also the birth mothers refusal to interact). The whole thing just stayed with me I remember her getting lots of flowers,bears etc and just thinking how dysfunctional it all was.

I just felt very sorry for him but I hope he has found a loving home now x

I am a foster carer and adoptor and sadly there are many children taken into care at birth and some women continue to have child after child adding to the issues.
Children are only removed as a last resort and it is always v sad they cannot live with their birth family for whatever reason but there are many adoptors waiting who will have their dreams come true by being allowed to parent a beautiful little one like this.
It is the nature of adoption as heartbreak and joy hand in hand.
I have no doubt that little one is being v well loved and cared for either in foster care or already with his forever family so hold on to that thought x

Thankyou @flapjackfairy x it’s wonderful that there are people like you in the world ❤️ I appreciate you caring for these beautiful children. I will try and think about him in a new family who want home dearly from now on x

I remember the lady in the bed across from me was in having her 5th baby and she was young - I’m sure the dr had said she was 20 when they came to talk to her about contraception. She was upset to have had another girl as she wanted a boy this time (all her other children were girls) and she hardly looked at the baby for the duration of her stay. No cuddles or anything were given just a nappy change or a quick feed when hungry.

I remember at the time feeling sorry for the baby who was being practically ignored because it was another girl. Her DP came up to visit with the siblings and he was equally unimpressed that it was another girl. At least the other children appeared to be excited.

I sometimes think of that little girl and hope the mum and dad got over the disappointment of her being a girl. I know the baby wouldn’t have been neglected, as her other children were clean, tidy and well mannered and I know she was meeting the baby’s basic needs. Looking back now I suspect she might have been suffering from postnatal depression.

I am an adopter of two lovely boys (older in terms of when they came home). Some days it is tricky but other days well there is nothing better. However, during my training, it was explained to the prospective adopters that some mothers have lots of children because it is the only time they are cared for and attention is given to them. They love the the care they get during the time they are pregnant. Once the baby is born. that care and attention is gone.

My boys' birth mother has gone on to have two more children whom she has been able to keep because she has turned her life around with a new partner. So it is possible!

As an adopter, you often given profiles of different children to think about. They do not give you all the details of their background until you are very close to being matched. I often think of those children and hope they are happy and settled.

I wonder about the mum who shared my room in hospital for my first. I live overseas and she had to be put on an emergency chopper to the city as the discovered her baby had stopped growing due to PE. Babe was born at 34 weeks and 1kg and was in special care. Her DH had a frantic 7 h r and drive to try and get there in time and then they were stuck miles from home, family and supporters until the baby was released from SCN.

I often think and wonder how babies on the neonatal unit with DD ended up. There was a 23 weeker opposite. I hope she survived.

I have a long term foster child who cane to us 11 yrs ago from birm childrens hosp . He was a v poorly boy and on the childrens ward for nearly a yr before he was well enough to come home. In the bed opposite was the most beautiful little girl. She was born with a heart defect and had been to GOSH for emergency surgery and was recovering in birm where her parents lived.
She used to struggle to breath at night and it was v distressing to watch and see that.
Anyway it was her first birthday and she had an Upsy Daisy doll from in the night garden. I had no knowledge of the programme at the time
Anyway i went home with my lad and it turns out he loves Iggle Piggle and co and we still watch it every night now as he has complex needs and severe learning disabilities.
We go back to birm child hosp for appointments every now and then and the nurses love to see our child and how he has grown and one time i asked about the little girl.
She died not long after we went home !
I had always thought of her everytime In the Nightgarden was on anyway but now more than ever. I cannot see Upsy Daisy without thinking of that precious little girl . It still makes me sad !

When I did my child placement in training, there was this beautiful little baby; no older than 3 months old who had been seriously injured by one of its parents.

Both parents were accusing each other, neither allowed to visit.

Poor little baby must have been in so much pain but was the sweetest smiley baby.
We; the students spent a lot of time with them as it was a quiet period.

I don’t have children and have never had the desire for them, but if I could have taken that child home with me, I would have in a minute. (As would most of the rest of the staff )

I know the little one was been taken in to care, but I often wonder.

My son spent a night in alder hey once and in a separate room off the corridor to the ward was a baby asleep, probably about 6m old, no adults there all night. I said in passing to the nurse isn’t there any adults staying with the baby and she just gave a gentle smile and said no. By the time we were discharged the following afternoon, there were still no adults. I’ve no idea as to the reason but it made me sad.

This thread has made me cry.

There are two babies who I think about a lot. The first was on the SCBU with DS. His mother couldn’t have been older than 13 and wore little girl’s pink pyjamas and dressing gown making her look even younger. The girl said she didn’t know she was pregnant until the baby arrived, she seemed so utterly overwhelmed. Thankfully the girl’s mother seemed lovely and very supportive, I really hope things have worked out for them.

The second baby shared a lift with us from the day ward to the cancer ward on the day DS was diagnosed with cancer (he is fine now, thanks to the amazing work of Birmingham Children’s Hospital). He was already under going treatment for the same cancer as DS but also had a very complex condition that caused deafness, blindness and many more problems. I remember his parents saying that he had never cried as he wasn’t able to. They were so kind to us and I’ve wondered about them so often over the years.

when i was in hospital 23 years ago having dd1, there was a womsn opposite me. Her husband was cypriot, turkish i think. She told me she was going back to work after 2 weeks because she was the sole earner and he was looking after the baby. in the few days we were there, he brought calpol in and gave it to the baby because he had heard it stopped them crying. only told the mum after the event when she saw the bottle. the dressing down the matron and doctor gave him was spectacular.
dd3 i was in for a long time. next to me was a 19 year old who had got pregnant by an older married man. he did visit once. awkward was not the word. fortunately she had a very sensible mum and loving family. mum reminded her he was not leaving his wife, he already had 3 kids to support and luckily baby had been born into a large loving family and would have a nice life. She even bought college brochures in for her and told her to start planning her career cos she was going to need one now! i have no doubt that baby is a thriving 10 year old now and the apple of his nans eye. she owned several businesses, nothing seemed to faze her.

Oh no, I hope no one mentions me on here!

When I'd just turned 19 I had my first baby. After a quick birth involving no pain relief and an episiotomy, I was taken down to the ward in a wheelchair, ranting about how I'd have to spend my life changing nappies now?!

One of the midwives asked if I wanted to hold my baby as I was in the wheelchair and I grumpily said "no"... I remember her looking at the other midwife with a VERY sad/concerned expression on her face!

FWIW, almost ten years to the day I am in a MUCH better place and a far better mother to all four of my DC

Similar to the op, I was on a "waiting" ward with four other women. One woman cheerfully told us that her baby was being taken into care immediately after birth. She seemed unable to manage herself (the nurses had to encourage her to have a shower) All she had was an ancient nylon nightie, which was Unintentionally see through. She said every child she had was taken away, but she and her Dh had hidden from ss this time, but hospital reported her. She thought it was one particular nurse and called all the names under the sun. Her Dh would visit in filthy clothes and shoes that were too big. It was so sad, but the sister later said, well ss don't step in that early without good cause. That baby will be 27 now, I hope it had a better life than its parents.

Similar to yours op. Ds was prem so was in nicu and whilst there we met a mum and premier baby. She was only allowed to visit for an hour a day, she'd already had four children taken into care but had made an effort for this one so ss we're trying to decide if she could keep him. She was really hopeful that they would but talking to her it was pretty clear that she had learning difficulties and also seemed likely that the baby was withdrawing from something so it wasn't looking good.

When DS was quite small and in the pushchair we lived on the edge of a rough part of town which was home to quite a few junkies. They were fairly polite as junkies went and tended to keep away from anyone with small children but one lady did once stop to talk to me, asked if I had spare change, said hello to DS and told me she'd had a little boy like him but he was adopted. She was so matter of fact and accepting of it that it made me really sad.

I can't bring myself to judge women who have had children removed for the most part, it is awful for the children but just imagine in what kind of mental state you'd have to be to not even be able to care about your own child.

Oh and another, baby in the next bed to ours when ds was in hospital as a toddler. He was about 3 weeks old with a broken thigh bone (spiral fracture) so ss were involved as the doctors said it couldn't be an accident. The parents appeared to be a lovely couple and very loving parents facing their worst nightmare but who knows!!

When my sister had my niece more than thirty years ago the lady in the next bed had a little boy. She had apparently been told that she was having a girl and she couldn't accept this little boy. The doctors and midwives were all trying to help (routine stay at that time was five days) but she wouldn't look at him never mind hold him or feed him so the nursery nurses did all cares.
My sister tried talking to her, she had no partner or family go to visit her and she begged my sister to swap babies. She was an older mother at that time mid thirties obviously educated and seemed well to do but she discharged herself from hospital and left the baby there.
My sister and I often wonder what happened to them both as my sister was discharged soon after whilst baby was still on the ward. I hope that little nameless baby (she refused to name him) and his mum were reunited after his mum got the help she needed but if not I hope they both went on to happy lives.

I sometimes wonder about the little baby who was being taken into care from the ward I worked on some years back. I spent a few shifts alternating his feeds/cuddles with the other staff. He had several siblings already in care and a photo of them was left with him.

I was in a&e with a ring stuck on my finger, probably about 14, when an absolutely frantic mother came running in with a little boy of about 1, who was clearly very badly scalded down his legs. He was whisked away immediately but his little cry has stuck with me for many years now. I hope him and his mother are OK.

My memory of a good few years ago was a woman of around 20 -22 who had obvious special needs. She was being taken to the delivery suite on the bed, but was on her knees clinging to the bed head screaming for her mum. Another mum asked what would happen to the baby and was told it would be going into care.

When my DS was in SCBU there was another woman there with her baby who had been born much, much earlier than my DS (he was 6 weeks early). We got talking when we were having dinner together one day and she explained babies dad had cheated on her whilst she was pregnant and given her and STI which had caused her baby to be born very prematurely and that baby almost didn't make it! My heart broke for her, she hadn't seen the babies dad since it happened and said she didn't want him near baby. I just felt so sorry for her situation and especially the poor baby (I don't know if they had any ongoing problems as a result). If you're reading this I do hope that you're both doing okay now. Whenever I hear of someone cheating on a pregnant woman now I just want to find the man and chop his dick off for being such a stupid prick who is risking his partner and unborn babies lives!

I can't bring myself to judge women who have had children removed for the most part, it is awful for the children but just imagine in what kind of mental state you'd have to be to not even be able to care about your own child

I know lots of women who have had children removed from their care and they DO care about them , really they do.

They might talk about it in a matter of fact way because it IS a fact of life to them. Many have lost several children and other parents they know will be in exactly the same situation, it’s normal to them.

They do care about their kids. It’s just that their own needs ( addictions, mental health problems, violent partners, homelessness, time in prison, chaotic lifestyles ) are so overwhelming they can’t really think of anyone expect themselves .

And their need for X substance RIGHT NOW means they struggle to engage with services who could help them work on these long term issues.

They are not cold or heartless, just chaotic and deeply troubled.