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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask which are the “unmanly“ skills you want to teach your boys

66 replies

ConfusedWife1234 · 12/07/2018 22:57

The cooking thread made me wonder: which are the untypical skills you want to teach your boys?
DH can sew and I think it is really useful... he can sew far better than me... I hope he teaches the boys (and the girl) how to do it.

OP posts:
Imchlibob · 12/07/2018 23:42

My dad made dresses for me and my sisters back in the 80s. I want DS to learn to sew but I am starting off with getting DH more competent at it first - he got taught to sew as a cub scout but hasn't used the skill since. Fortunately DS is earning various badges which need sewing onto things, which DH is going to do until he feels confident enough to teach DS.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 12/07/2018 23:43

WhatdoIladyMcBeth Yeah, cooking is another fine example. We are teaching our sons how to bake and do help jobs when we cook, they are to young to work around knifes and hot water now, oldest is five, but we are looking forward to teach them when they are older.

DieAntwort Isn‘t the stereotype that women talk all the time and men are more tight-lipped?

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 12/07/2018 23:46

Isn‘t the stereotype that women talk all the time and men are more tight-lipped?

It's the stereotype, but it's a stereotype at odds with reality.

UpstartCrow · 12/07/2018 23:46

DS can do basic sewing and uses my sewing machine. He did try to learn to knit but lost interest.
He can cook but doesn't know anything about basic nutrition, which I find really annoying. His meals are fairly balanced, but because he follows recipes.

slightlyglittermaned · 12/07/2018 23:46

DieAntword
I think it’s generally seen as unmanly to know when to stay quiet and just listen but that’s one of the most important skills in life. So many people miss so much by drowning everything out with the sound of their own voices.

This. How to not be the centre of attention. How to pay attention to others and really listen to what they're saying. I think this is probably the best thing I can do for my son's future happiness.

Fatted · 12/07/2018 23:48

I just want my boys to be able to fend for themselves and have the life skills to do that.

I do try to encourage them to talk about things, like their emotions and feelings. That's still seen as quite unmanly still isn't it? DH never talks about the big emotional stuff much, especially not with his family and I don't want our boys to be like that.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 12/07/2018 23:48

TheRebell DS, 5, is attending a dance class. Dh is a good dancer, in my subculture all men learn to dance and a man who cannot dance is looked down on a bit... however I do not understand why you want to discontinue being friends with her because of something her husband said.

OP posts:
AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 12/07/2018 23:48

iwantmyhatback yes! DH can sew brilliantly, and DS learned in cadets. It's great to not be the only person able to wield a needle and thread with any purpose.

DS is a great cook, ironer, shoe polisher, and isn't shy at doing laundry. I think he's well trained, he will make someone a lovely husband.

agnurse · 12/07/2018 23:49

If we have sons I plan to teach them to cook and sew. It's helpful to be able to sew on a patch or button or fix a ripped seam. It's also helpful to be able to cook for yourself. (Hubby is a better cook than I am TBH.) If your boys start on about sewing being "just for girls", I would suggest pointing them to Beatrix Potter's classic short story, "The Tailor of Gloucester".

StrugglingMumma · 12/07/2018 23:49

My 14 year old does all his own washing, ironing and sewing. He does attend RAF cadets and they encourage this. He can also prepare basic healthy meals and has finally learnt how to load the dishwasher correctly

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 12/07/2018 23:54

(I am beginning to think we are talking about different things when we are talking about sewing. I was talking about tailoring clothes, not about sewing buttons... though he can do that too)

OP posts:
CanaBanana · 12/07/2018 23:56

her DH would never allow their son to go to a dance class because they didn’t want “a gay”
If you've ever attended an adult dance class you'll know that most of the blokes are there to meet women. My dad said when his friends took the mick out of him for dancing he'd say: Ok, you go and play football with the blokes, I'll be over here dancing with all the girls! Wink

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 12/07/2018 23:59

CanabananaOTOH can he still attend an adult dance class to meet women if he ALREADY CAN DANCE, he must hide the fact then...

OP posts:
TheRebel · 13/07/2018 00:01

@ConfusedWife1234 mainly because of the way she sneered when she said “gay” and because she obviously agrees with her husband or she wouldn’t have said it! To be honest she made me feel sick when she said it, and I told her so!

I used to live in Spain and all the men could dance, even if it was just a basic salsa and I think it’s really sexy! Personally I don’t think there’s anything more “manly” than a man doing something that’s typically a feminine pursuit because it shows self confidence and that they don’t care what other people think of them.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 13/07/2018 00:03

My DH was leftvto raise himself from the age of 6 so he can do absolutely everything. Also ex military so he’s good at ironing and sewing.
Bakes a mean cake too.
I however, am just a useless human.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 13/07/2018 00:11

NotUnbongoUnchained Nobody is useless, in our case: dh might be better at sewing and ironing and cleaning... but me and the kids are better at making a mess... and what would the poor man clean if we did not mess up the kitchen while trying to bake a cake so that he must come in, whine a bit that it looks like an accident in the flour factory and start cleaning. ;) His life would be so boring, I am sure he would despair.

OP posts:
DarthLipgloss · 13/07/2018 07:58

Well so far my boy child has taught himself to say 'there are no boy things or girl things, there are just things..' DP can dressmake, craft in wood metal and leather, fix a car cook and is a trained florist. If he can pass any or all of these skills to any of the kids on i will be happy.

OneEpisode · 13/07/2018 19:19

It’s great that there are skills in your families to pass down to your dc. My 11 year old is also able to see the sexism in every day life; for instance the families out for the day where it is far more likely to be the woman caring for the dc whilst the man enjoys the day...

timeisnotaline · 13/07/2018 19:28

All of these things although I will need to be better at sewing to teach my boys. I would like to put ds (3) in ballet, I’m weighing up the cost and effort! I can’t understanding deciding your boys don’t need to know how to cook well and clean and do washing. Basically the same as the girls although I don’t have any girls yet. I do like the one about not being the centre of attention and listening. I would also like them to see privilege and discrimination and to be aware of their own privilege.

HicDraconis · 13/07/2018 19:36

OneEpisode you can’t judge a family on the snapshot you see - if you saw us on a day out, you’d see me doing all the childcare (or as much as possible) while DH relaxes. I work full time, DH is a SAHD, when we go out I want to do as much of the childcare as possible. I get to spend time with my boys, DH gets a break.

But to you, a family with complete gender reversal of traditional roles would look like yet another example of every day sexism.

ReservoirDogs · 13/07/2018 19:39

Since when has cooking been unmanly?

Ratonastick · 13/07/2018 19:39

I hope I manage to teach DS to be a functional human. One who can run a household, be an equal part of a couple and a family, have a happy and successful education and career, etc. That means that I (and my extended family) teach him all he needs to know to fly the nest.

To answer the OPs question with specific examples, his grandad has recently taught him logarithms (as he is the only one who knows the first thing about them!), to clean the bathroom (as that is part of the division of labour in my DPs household) and is teaching him the basics of riding a motorbike. His granny has taught him a lot about cooking and gardening (including a recent masterclass on tree pruning). Much the same as they taught me and my DBs.

OneEpisode · 13/07/2018 19:50

Ok, I seem to be told off a lot on this thread. HicDraconis, no I wouldn’t judge your family or any individual family. Within each family there are people who like gardening or want to spend time with their children. And some people can’t do what they like, because of a disability & etc..
I just said my dc observed a pattern overall, and would want to make different choices, if they could.
And I do think you are allowed some breaks like others working full time!

quitefranklyabsurd · 13/07/2018 20:13

That emotional labour is their work too! That they are just as capable of buying presents and sending cards to family members and taking the children to the dentist/doctor as mums are.

isseywithcats · 13/07/2018 20:17

Cooking, how to operate the washing machine and iron is what i taught my sons, that way they will never go hungry and will know how to look smart when they leave the house