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AIBU?

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Original poster

To change their name!

319 replies

Chesternut · 12/07/2018 22:45

My DD is 4 years old and I gave her a name which, I thought, was very original as I hadn't heard another girl called it in about 20 years. Only to find when she started nursery another girl called the same but spelt differently. DD is due to start full time education in September and there will be 2 other girls with the same name so 3 in the class including DD. Now there's another in other DC's class.
Totally hacked off and really upset by this. Maybe an over reaction but in the 1970's I was one of 5 named the same in my class and vowed never to have my DC's live with the same. Now history is being repeated.
AIBU to change my DD's name before September? I love her name but HATE it's so common now.

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 13/07/2018 14:08

i think you are being daft.
dd1 was born 23 years ago. pre internet, and i knew nobody with babies and children. when she started school there were 3 across the year group and within 5 years it was in the top 5.
if its the worse thing that is going to happen to her count yourself blessed.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/07/2018 14:17

Unless you change her name to Gertrude, Bertha or Carole she's always going have people in her class at some stage in her life with the same name.

Cakeorchocolate · 13/07/2018 14:53

My dd (3) is named very similar to your dd (but spelt and pronounced differently). I also had never met or heard of anyone else with the name. My husband knew of someone with the name in their 80s. Part of the reason I liked it was thinking it was uncommon. Like you, I've since discovered that's not the case!
No way would I change it though. I still love the name (and can't imagine trying to explain to my dd it's no longer her name if I tried to change it!).

So yes my dd has a future of clarifying her name and spelling it out. I also grew up with a name that was very similar to classmates and still have to spell it out and put up with people mispronouncing it. It never bothered me really. Just a fact of life.

But as others have said, by 4 It's not your choice to change it imo. If your dd grows to hate it, she can ask you about changing it. There's no saying whatever name you would pick you wouldn't end up in the same situation again. What would you do then, change again? How many times?

bonbonours · 13/07/2018 14:57

I'm slightly baffled by the 'wanting a unique name' thing. I had the opposite thought when choosing my kids names, that I wanted names well known enough that people would know how to spell them correctly.

My middle child has a slightly more unusual name than the other two and is always put out you can't get mugs, pencils, badges etc with her name on unless you buy something specially made.

It's the e with the accent that makes the 'ay' sound so esme and esmee should sound the same. Most English people don't know this so are more likely to mispronounced esmee, thinking it's a mee sound.

If the child is not bothered I can't imagine why you are even considering changing her name.

deenagh · 13/07/2018 15:06

Thing is, no matter how uncommon or unique you think the name you've chosen for your child is, you won't own it and there will be other people in the world with the same name.

I have an Irish name, and even in Ireland it's uncommon, it's mispelled and mispronounced all the time, but it doesn't affect my life in any way.

Winemamma · 13/07/2018 15:12

I knew someone who did this when her daughter was about 2, I thought it was bad enough then. Don’t change it, it’s a lovely name.

aibutonamechange · 13/07/2018 15:23

I have an unusual name. When I was at school I just wanted a popular name like everyone else.

You should call her Renesmee.

KnucklestheEchidna · 13/07/2018 15:30

I for one am voting for Willow Uniglow Sasparilla Moonunit, pronounced WUSM (Woo-zum) Grin

I've only known one Esme in Secondary School for this particular name, but I had a fairly common nickname which I now don't use as I don't feel it suits me, while my brother uses the more common version of his name!

Keep an open mind and let her decide, where you hated having a more common name, she might like it Smile.

WillowRose79 · 13/07/2018 15:32

Wow- a couple of kids were called your name and you hated it so much you changed your name and shudder when people call you it. Get over it, there are billions of people In the world- suck it up! Esme is on our list- French surname so will sound nice, nice names are popular. What are you going to change her name too, something ridic to make sure there deff wont be another one? Need to priotise yourself

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 13/07/2018 15:42

Names move in trends, there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ll just give your DD an identity crisis! When I was at school we had multiples of Leanne, Gemma, Natasha (horridly shortened to ‘Tasha’) and Claire. Every bugger’s middle name was Louise or Marie. In my Mum’s group of friends, everyone is Karen or Tracey or Deborah. When I had mine, we ended up knowing many multiples of Ethan, Theo, Olivia and Ellie/Ella/Elsie.

blackfootdaisy · 13/07/2018 15:42

bit extreme Chesternut

MaryMcCarthy · 13/07/2018 15:48

This makes me sad. The name is your child's identity and if you'd picked a name purely because you liked the name then other people having the same name wouldn't bother you.

QuilliamCakespeare · 13/07/2018 15:53

At the age of 4 it's a ridiculous notion. She'll have her name forever but will only be in Primary School for a few years. I'm from the Louise and Claire generation and they've all developed into fully functioning adults despite being one of four every class.

afrikat · 13/07/2018 16:15

I also had a name which ended up being very common in my generation and there were always several of us in class and I work with loads of people with the same name as me. It's never occurred to me to be too bothered. I think you need to concentrate on not passing on your irrational name issues to your daughter and ffs please don't change her name

Beki1983 · 13/07/2018 17:19

Hi Chesternut I completely understand you not wanting her to have a common name, I like you was one of many Rebecca's and my hubby one of many Michael's and we gave what we thought were unique names to our children. However our 9 year old girl is Skylar and although there isn't many her age thanks to Breaking bad coming out after she was born there are alot around now, but I love the name and wouldn't change it for the world. Have you thought about adding a name making it double barrelled ie Esme-grace our other Daughter Lexi-Rae at birth but at 5 months old changed it to Lexi-Beau as we liked Lexi but it was sooo common so we doubled it up just an idea as like many have said I'm sure she is very attached to her name at 4 yrs old it would be hard for her to adjust to something else after so long and being so young. X

Ilovemypantry · 13/07/2018 18:36

I personally think it is rather shallow to be concerned about a name. Surely there are more important things to be worried about.

flippinmental1 · 13/07/2018 19:32

ignore everyone else, my mum changed my name from debra to zoe when i was 4 and a half for the same reason, it was very confusing for us and the teachers, which one they were going on about. but i was already in infants. didn't bother me. in fact i thought it was good and fun. has never affected me in any way, except for the bad memory of the teacher, having a go at me asking nastily, what was my name debra or zoe. they had already been informed, of my name change. so why she did that, i don't know. the only thing i would say is do it before she starts.

flippinmental1 · 13/07/2018 19:36

it wont give her an identity crisis

MikeUniformMike · 13/07/2018 19:39

Taking Zoe's pp, maybe you could change it to
Younika Esmee Chesternut or whatever, still call her Esmee and let her be Younika at school.
I would just stick to Esmee though. You loved it until you realised that lots of other people do.

flippinmental1 · 13/07/2018 19:42

if your not happy change it. its not her choice, as a parent you make choices for her. if she dont like her name later, she can change it, you have to live with it, and if you hate it that much now, using it will only give you bad feelings.

flippinmental1 · 13/07/2018 19:45

if you change her name at school, it has to be changed on every legal document. so just change it completely, you can even add her name now as a middle name

ConciseandNice · 13/07/2018 19:53

Esmée is a lovely name, but it was never unusual!!!! YADBU to change her name now. You’ll have to suck it up. Every second girl I know of that age is called Ava or Eva.

DistanceCall · 14/07/2018 02:13

You're fucking insane. You can't change your daughter's name when SHE IS FOUR. It's her name already, the one she recognises and identifies with.

You sound incredibly shallow. A name is not an accessory. Nor is a child.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 14/07/2018 07:34

I genuinely do not understand why it matters if it a name is popular? Surely the only concern should be if you like the name. Why are you so insecure in your own convictions that you would change something just because other people like the name too and have chosen it for their kid?

For what it's worth, I really dislike the name Esme so wouldn't call my child it - does that make you feel better?

Hygge · 14/07/2018 10:47

I love how the only supporter of this name change is a someone who seems to have name changed to post that they had their name changed. Grin

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