To change their name!

[Chesternut]

My DD is 4 years old and I gave her a name which, I thought, was very original as I hadn't heard another girl called it in about 20 years. Only to find when she started nursery another girl called the same but spelt differently. DD is due to start full time education in September and there will be 2 other girls with the same name so 3 in the class including DD. Now there's another in other DC's class.
Totally hacked off and really upset by this. Maybe an over reaction but in the 1970's I was one of 5 named the same in my class and vowed never to have my DC's live with the same. Now history is being repeated.
AIBU to change my DD's name before September? I love her name but HATE it's so common now.

OP, at least you have chosen the correct spelling. Esmae, Esmay etc look naff.

Dont put your issues onto her. My name was common in the late 70s early 80s as well there were 3 in my small year of 25. In my daughter year there are 6 mums with my name in my sons 4 we are everywhere. But it doesnt matter

I have a very unusual name that I grew tired of at secondary as it can be mistaken for loads of other names. I went through a period of wishing I was called something 'ordinary', so be careful what you wish for.
I think it's too late now your child is 4. TBH I think it would be too late after months.

I only knew of one other person with my name, and she was named after her mother worked with me and liked the name! Poor child!

DS was born in 2009 and a woman who was with me at the parent and birth classes at the hospital named her daughter Esmee. It's been getting more popular for several years, even before you had your DD.

I don't think you can change your daughters name now just because you're upset that someone else has the same name.

I'm sorry I can't think of a more gentle way to say this but if you are really "hacked off and upset" to the point that you would change a four year old's name because you don't want someone else in her class to share it, and you're basing this on your own experience and still shudder at hearing your own 'real' name years later, I think you might benefit from talking this through with a counsellor.

This seems like you have a deep seated issue about names that you might feel better for unpicking.

What is it about sharing a name that bothers you to this extreme?

And with the best will in the world, whatever it is, it's YOUR issue. You say you don't want to put your children what you went through, but all you went through was having four girls in your class share your name.

Your daughter might not mind having others share her name, but if you make her believe there's something wrong with that you might actually be the cause of her having a problem.

It's not fair to put your feelings onto her and make her feel like there's something wrong with her name, and asking her if she wants to change it is putting your issue on her.

What will you do if she chooses a new name and then in another year or so another child with the same name turns up? She can't keep changing her name to be unique to make you happy.

There were 5 Ann(e)s in my class. It was generally pretty clear which one was being spoken of by tone and context. They did all get nicknames at school, and at least one of them became generally known by that nickname (she liked it). In fact, I came across her on a professional site recently - she's done bloody jolly well!

Don't worry about the name, worry about the person. The name is beyond your remit now, and she will probably get her own nickname at school for differentiation. If she's nice and people like her it will be a nice one and she may choose to use it for everything. It's her choice, not yours now.

So if you change her name now, what will you do if she lives classes and someone has the same new name, or a new kid joins, so she goes to secondary school and finds more of the same name. Or she goes to uni and finds people with her new name, or then a work post, will she be able to apply for jobs where no-one shares her name!?

I was one of 5 of my name in my class. Can be slightly annoying at times, but it’s a small phase of your life, far longer is your adult life.

You are not seriously considering the name change, are you? I hope you just say it for the sake of the drama on Mumsnet!

You can't know what will be with your DD's life at this point, so don't mess with her name and sanity. For what it's worth, I was given a name which was very popular in seventies in my country of origin, we were 3 with the same name in the primary and two of us even had surnames starting with the same letter. However, since I moved to live abroad (couple more countries before UK) whenever I tell my name, people look at me confused and ask "What?!".

You can't change your daughter's name every time the trends and fashion for names change!

Leave it as is. It's a lovely name. It's hers; she's used to it. Don't make her feel bad about it. She may be quite happy to be one of several. If not, SHE can decide to change it if she wants, or to swap to using her middle name.

A name becomes a part of the person. babies are given names other people hate but as soon as the identity of the child is attached, the name grows on you. she is her name now. My mother changed my name when I was 6 months old so I didnt know, but all my life it has caused bureaucratic snags

Are you crazy! She's 4! You can't change her name

This.

She is 4, she is aware of her own name, I am sure that can cause some sort of psycological damage to have your name changed like this...kids are learning to know themselves and then you tell her that she has a new name and she is not x anymore?

Did you give her a middle name? If she wants to go by that, let her. Ultimately its her decision though, don't go changing her name on her.

There were 7 Susans in a form in my year at school, so 25% of the class. I don’t think it caused them any problems, but some teachers did get confused.

In 2014, Esme was the fiftieth most popular girls name. Bit late now to throw a wobbler because other people also used a very popular name.

Who is this about you or your child ? Common names are listed every year on the ONS website - there really is no excuse for using a common name apart from ignorance.. If this is more about how you think others will perceive you - it’s too late and accurate.. Or if you genuinely believe it will help your child - then get it done... I just don’t see much arguement from you on benefits for your child - just that you are upset about her common name..

You have no idea how your DD will feel about having the same name. I have a very unusual name, I don't know a single person with the same name. It was awful as a child, I just wanted to blend in and wish I was called Emily or something.

Chesternut

YABVU.

"Ethel (pronounced Etel) were both on my list as they are family names. I haven't met a child named either yet."

That's because it's an ugly name and I say that despite having a relative with that name.

There's nothing wrong with your daughter's name and she's old enough to make her own choice about it. HER OWN CHOICE, not one influenced by you, not one made after you pester her either. Your issues with your common name are just that, Your issues. Don't make them your daughter's and it would be awful to tell her you regret her name and try to make her dislike it too.

What if you change it and she grows up to hate the new name while wishing for her old one?

No you can’t change it now. My son has the most popular name for the year he was born. We chose it because we loved it and then found out it was the most popular name for that year. We don’t love it any less. It’s also been in the top ten most popular for the last couple of years.

I am the other way. You rarely come across anyone with my name.
I hated that as child I never got anything personalised. I hate as an adult is often mispronounced and as a child also which caused embarrassment

I was one of 3 Valeries in my class. I don’t know any now.

Lovely name. Children generally quite like being the same as each other.

From the other point of view, I have a very unusual name and I hated it, wish I had changed it but didn't want to hurt my parents feelings. Would have loved a 'normal' name (in my time that would have been Katie, Sarah, Emma, Nicola, Susie or Claire!). I especially hate being called for an appointment when they pronounce it wrong which they always do.

There must have been about 20 million Gemma's in my year at secondary school. 3 in my class alone. 2 were in my group of friends. Didn't cause any issues but I'd have hated that.

My primary was only one class per year and I think there were only 2 of us with my name for my entire time there (several years after my year). There was only 2 with my name in Secondary - 1 boy a year or so below me while I was there.

To answer the OP, you could start nicknaming her with something else and just tell the school when she starts that that's the name she goes by then she can choose later on what she wants to use. You could let her pick her name to go by now too.

When my mum was at school a majority of the school of the kids were either called tracy, Sharon or Debbie.... she was one of them. We always have to refer to her friends with thier surnames.

Your child is not a hamster, she is a person. Her name belongs to her, not you, you have absolutely no right to change it! I agree with Hygge that this seems to be affecting you more than it "should", I would consider talking it through with a professional

The American author JD Salinger used the name 50+ years ago 'For Esmé - with Love and Squalor'. The character was a very confident girl.

YABU.
The only insistence where you would not be unreasonable is if she hated the name and wanted to change it.

This is definitely your problem not hers.

I can remember my whole junior/secondary school time being coloured by the fact that so many of us had the same name.

Honestly, as problems go, this has to be one of the most first world problems ever.

Surely they just use surname initials to distinguish.