Any other adults who were sleep trained (as babies)?

[BigPinkBall]

So I’ve seen a few threads tonight about sleep training with some people claiming it damages babies brains and others saying it has no affect.

I was born in the 80s when Feberising was the “in” thing and my parents are very proud that they used to leave me to cry myself to sleep, my mum tells me about how she’d do the hoovering to drown out the noise. She also told me that when I was little and I wanted to get into their bed she’d tell me to bring my pillow and lie on the floor next to their bed.

I think it did affect me, I can’t go to sleep if it’s quiet or dark, I need to have the tv on to be able to fall asleep, what are other people’s experiences?

I wouldn't say sleep trained...but left to scream in my cot. My mum went down the end of the garden so she couldn't hear me. I still have nightmares about it now and when I read about babies/toddlers being left to cry it makes me feel sick. I don't blame my mum, though she was being controlled by my dad. There were other forms of abandonment/abuse that went on so I think it's not only that that has affected me. But being left to cry has definitely contributed to the serious mental illness I have.

From the other end of the spectrum here, I was "attachment parented" (though I don't think my DM thought of it as having a name, it was just what felt right to her). Breastfed til I was 2.5, bed shared til I was 3, never ever left to cry etc.

I am an anxious wreck!

I love my mum to bits but honestly I do wonder if I would be slightly less neurotic (now and as a child) if she had let me get on with it a bit.

Never sleep trained my parents always used to read and cuddle us at bedtime until we stopped wanting it. It took as long as it took. If we woke up in the night they came to us and cuddled us until we were asleep again. I loved bedtime and just remember the warmth, comfort and feeling of being utterly loved and my mother's heart beat as I lay with my head against her chest. I was also taken to lots of parties and remember going to sleep on jumpers in the corner. I can sleep anywhere and in any conditions. Since having my own children I've become a lighter sleeper. Dh works late so I've had the time to cuddle my children as they go to sleep and read stories, they both love it. Although my DD is naturally a night owl and harder to settle.

DH was sleep trained and is a dreadful sleeper. His mother said they put the children on the other side of the house so they never heard them, he's quite anxious.

I wasn’t sleep trained, naturally started sleeping through the night at about 6 weeks old and always slept soundly/woke happy. As a toddler I used to ask to go to bed when I was tired, a good regular bed time, never complained. Slept really well.

As a child and adult- dreadful sleeper, reoccurring nightmares, very light sleeper, wake regularly, sleep paralysis etc.

I know a few people who were sleep trained and have no problems sleeping now. I don’t particularly think there’s a correlation. Perhaps it depends on the person.

I reluctantly sleep trained my son (with an adapted, very gradual controlled crying) because he was the worst sleeper imaginable.. within a few days he was blowing kisses to me and waving happily goodnight when I put him to bed, sleeping soundly, waking up with a beaming smile, singing and talking to his teddies in the morning! He seems much more content during the day too. I would have rather not sleep trained, but it was for the greater good because my mental health was really suffering from the lack of sleep and I wasn’t being a great mum during the day.

My mum left me and my brother to cry to sleep, I gather it was very much what was done in the 1980s, my aunt worked in maternity and made sure my mum left me! No lasting affects here, my husband would have been as well I'm certain, he's dead to the world when he sleeps.

That's not to say I think it's ok though. My mum wouldn't let me do it with my kids ha.

I was sleep trained.
No brain damage (at least we think so) and like silence and absolute darkess when falling asleep.

My mum still stands by the method. She said it took about a week.

Born in the 50s when it was considered healthy for babies to howl themselves to sleep and to be fed on a strict 4 hour regime from birth. I am a great sleeper, it’s probably one of my greatest talents.

DSIS was raised on skimmed cow’s milk from about 4 weeks old - mum was a working farmer’s wife with two under 18 months so struggled to feed her herself; it was a diary farm so there was loads of skimmed cows milk left over from making the cream. Unpasteurised. DSIS is fit and well and doesn’t appear to be damaged in any way.

Oh, and mum smoked and drank throughout...

I was. As my mother tells it, they didn't know what else to try at that point!

My sleep habits are the stuff of legend in my family. I can pretty much fall asleep any time, anywhere, and stay asleep basically at will.

We gave up trying to do cc after six weeks. Yrs six fucking, God awful, miserable weeks. It haunts me that we did it for so long and I do wonder if it emotionally damaged my son.

I was sleep trained. I'm an awesome sleeper, can sleep literally anywhere. But my DB is the same and he was rocked to sleep for 4 years.

My other DB was sleep trained too and he's also a good sleeper, but for whatever reason needs a lot less sleep than me.

I don't think there's any correlation. I'm a fan of sleep training though. I did it with DS1 at 10 months and he's slept brilliantly ever since.

I was a screamer - was left on the washing machine to drown me out. I sleep fine. 10pm - 7am every night in a dark room (or a light room, or a caravan or a boat or anywhere to be honest - I am definitely not an insomniac!). The only thing that stopped me sleeping was my own screaming bundle of baby joy. Thank goodness she is 7 now and also sleeps following her own bit of sleep training. She now sleeps 8pm to 7am in a darkened room (or light room, caravan, or anywhere to be honest!)

To add my sister came home from the hospital sleeping through the night and slept like a log until adolescence. She then suffered from night terrors and now as an adult struggles to sleep, talks and walks in her sleep and is generally not a sleep person.

I don't think there is a correlation - it is just anecdotal!

Apparently I never stopped crying and projectiled milk. Rather than take me to the Dr, at 6 weeks I was started on solids so lucky I didn’t aspirate.

Put in cot, light off and left to cry from day 0.

I’ve thought about it a lot since having DD with reflux and literally feel so sad for my younger self. I can’t imagine not comforting her when she was a tiny baby, just leaving her lying on her back with reflux. Waited until she was 15 months to night wean her and did gradual retreat so she knew I was there if she needed me. Now I can put her down awake.

To be fair, I sleep okay. However, I’m hugely terrified of the dark. Likely more due to the serious neglect of later years, my relationship with my mum has always been very strained. Even when I finally went NC with her last year she was still guilting me for being such a “difficult” baby.

There's a difference between controlled crying and crying it out though. When people are saying they were sleep trained, which do they mean?

I wasn't sleep trained, my mum adjusted her routine around me and I remember sleeping in my parent's bed whenever I liked. I'm a terrible sleeper and always have been, I find it so hard to drift off to sleep.

Also, it sounds like it doesn't really matter. If you're a good sleeper, you're a good sleeper and that's it. Doesn't matter if you were left to cry or co slept till 6.

". Rather than take me to the Dr, at 6 weeks I was started on solids  so lucky I didn’t aspirate. "

Oh my goodness!!

Born early 70's , fed on demand but was sleeping through ( 10pm- 6 am ) by 8 weeks . Mum didn't do any sleep training- I was a baby who enjoyed her sleep.
My dc1 didn't sleep through until he was nearly 2 1/2. Sleep clinic came up with a bedtime plan that worked, along with water only at night and shush/ pat. Worked in 3 days . DC2 was a copy of me, fed on demand then dropped her middle of the night feed.
BUT I'm not against sleep training, the 2 1/2 years with dc1 nearly broke me and I only asked the HV for help when I fell asleep with the grill on .
Every family and child and family are different and should do whatever works for them.

Anecdata - love it! From what I have read on here I think even a statistician would have difficulty proving either way (and we all know if your data doesn't prove what you want it to, you are using the wrong statistical test 😁)
My brother and I were brought up in the '80s. I was a dream baby and slept from day 1, woke every 4h for feeds then slept again. Brother was a screamer, and left to scream. Mum was a wonderful parent in all other respects - loving, warm, provided lots of fun activities in the house and garden despite lack of money, SAHM (not that working is bad - I plan to).
Brother is a good sleeper, I am a very light sleeper, but that only started when I had a job with on-call and a bleeper.
We both have a fantastic relationship with our mum, but it is understood in our household that sleep is very important - Father Christmas didn't arrive until 8am in our house 😀
Neither of us have any mental health issues.
If you are left to cry by a parent who is otherwise loving and compassionate it possibly has less of an effect than if you are left to cry and also have to deal with a parent who is not very loving (of course we shouldn't judge - they probably have their own struggles, depression, their own difficult childhood).
I think it would be impossible to separate all the factors that affect human development and point the finger at one single cause - sleep training. Which of course means different things to different people!
Whoops just realised I have been rambling on....sorry!
Also @forgivenessisdivine I realised I have said the same thing but not as concisely!

I wasn’t sleep trained. My parents co slept with me I needed. I can sleep anywhere now!

My mum used controlled crying when I was a baby, so went in every few minutes which is what I do with my son. As I got older there were nights I’d go into my mums room and she was fine with that.
Weirdly my mum is much stricter with her babies sleeping in cots, than when we were young children.
My sisters are 5 and 7 and always slept in their cots/toddler beds and slept 7-7, also went easily in cots during the day. Weirdly they now all co sleep together!
Mum did that will all of us kids, I think when we were old enough to choose she let us, and when we were babies and couldn’t control when we wanted to sleep even though we were tired she made us so that we were happier when awake and not grouchy.

I was sleep trained - born in the 50s - probably wasn't called it then, just put the baby to sleep in own room and shut the door - I have no problems sleeping at all and a great relationship with my Mum. I did the same with my DS - he sleeps absolutely fine and no 'attachment' problems as far as I am aware - very confident and outgoing teenager.

I wasn’t strictly sleep trained but apparently left to cry for hours (“you were a right little bugger when we’d put you in your room, you could cry for hours”) until I eventually just stopped crying altogether. I was frequently put in the garden in my pram and left for long periods or just generally left somewhere for hours and completely forgotten about. This was interspersed with short, inconsistent periods of cosleeping and being totally fussed over by Mum so, perhaps unsurprising I have an anxious avoidant attachment disorder which continues to affect me.

I am an extremely light sleeper and struggle to sleep alone which, given my issues with relationships and the fact I keep myself single most of the time is completely disastrous! Having a pet that sleeps in the bed with me has helped (currently petless though) and, embarrassingly so does a large cuddly toy or hugging a u shaped body pillow . I cannot sleep anywhere except my own bed and get very anxious if I wake I’m the night. I struggle to sleep at all in hotels and frequently travel for work so again, pretty disastrous. I really struggle to drop off to sleep too and find my mind goes into overdrive or I even start crying because of an aching loneliness if I’m sleeping alone away from home. Wow, this is depressing!

So yeah...my advice would be; love your babies, reassure them, tend to their needs, don’t abandon them or let them cry it out, just try your best to be a “good enough” parent and provide them with as secure a base as possible.

I was born in the mid 70s, co-slept and fed on demand during the night until about 8 months old when I went into my own room.

My DPs have admitted there were nights when they left me to cry when I was in my own room. That stopped when I decided if they wouldn't come to me, I'd go to them and climbed out of my cot but got stuck by the closed door and promptly fell asleep behind it. I wasn't even 18 months old by that point and couldn't walk.

They put me in a bed after that, but I never crawled into their room until morning. I would get up in the middle of the night and crawl around my room, playing with toys, then fall asleep on the carpet.

And I love the dark. Always have done. It's probably because I associate it with fun, secret time where I can do what I want.

I don’t know if I was sleep trained, but I have no sleep issues. Also an 80s baby.

My sister says that our mum told her she would drown her out with the hoover... She now loves going to sleep with white noise! But no, no sleep issues as such. She can sleep pretty much anywhere.