Any other adults who were sleep trained (as babies)?

[BigPinkBall]

So I’ve seen a few threads tonight about sleep training with some people claiming it damages babies brains and others saying it has no affect.

I was born in the 80s when Feberising was the “in” thing and my parents are very proud that they used to leave me to cry myself to sleep, my mum tells me about how she’d do the hoovering to drown out the noise. She also told me that when I was little and I wanted to get into their bed she’d tell me to bring my pillow and lie on the floor next to their bed.

I think it did affect me, I can’t go to sleep if it’s quiet or dark, I need to have the tv on to be able to fall asleep, what are other people’s experiences?

Sorry left out they more likely to suffer the MH related issues when they older.

There's a sentence in The Cider House Rules about how children from orphanages don't cry because they've also learnt no-one comes when they do. I agree it's a sad state BunsofAnarchy.

That is an extreme situation though.

Sleep training does 'work', to an extent. But its incredibly damaging to the neurological pathways that are still developing in young babies. Babies left to cry it out are much much more likely to suffer from MH problems such as anxiety and depression and indeed sleeping disorders and night terrors

This is not supported by scientific evidence.

I’ve been a nanny for 32 years, I’ve sleep trained 23 charges and helped to train about 150 others for families who were on the edge.

None of my charges have problems sleeping. Obviously on occasion they’ll have a terrible night.

None of the parents of the others have been in touch to say their teen/20 something child has problems sleeping.

However, I have never and will never advocate leaving a child to scream for longer than 3 minutes. Tantrumming - leave for a maximum of 5 minutes but never pick them up, comfort them by touch and soft words. It’s more about teaching the parents about the different kinds of cries, fear or pain are totally different to angry and grumpy! It’s not about putting then in bed for 12 hours and never going back.

My parents put me to bed at 7 and I (and my 2 younger brothers) stayed in our beds until my mum came in to wake us. We were never allowed to go in my parents bedroom, except on a Sunday morning or Christmas morning. If we were in pain or had a bad dream, mum or dad would come into our bed to comfort us but left once we were calmer but still awake.

I don’t sleep well at the moment because I am leaving my current family so stressed about finding another lovely family and we have recently been told that my mum has motor neurone disease and has 6-18 months left. But usually I sleep fine!

It's totally ok to leave your baby to "cry it out" until they learn to stop expecting anyone to come? No issues from this at all? From any age, even from birth?

I was sleep trained. I fall asleep pretty easy and I'm a solid sleeper. I sleep trained pretty fast and then was never a problem ever for my parents. I think it did all of us good

Oh and I have sleep trained 18 sets of twins, oldest set are almost 21, twin one sleeps well and wakes up happy (most days, he’s 20!) twin 2 needs a lot of sleep but has a job where he wakes up at 5:15, does a physical job, lots of driving and long days, he’s also a night owl and won’t go to bed until 1am a lot of nights. However, if he has a day off or a holiday, he will sleep 12-14 hours straight, a really heavy sleep. He stays with me once or twice month as his job brings him close to me and so he doesn’t have to drive so much or have late nights or early mornings (I also feed him properly!) sometimes I have to go in to check he’s still breathing!

All of the other twins have different sleep patterns as they have got older. Some sleep fine, some don’t, I don’t think any of it is to do with sleep training.

I was. Obviously can't remember the baby phase but I have vivid memories of being terrified in the dark in my bedroom as a small child. My parents made it quite clear to me that they weren't going to meet my needs after bedtime so this includes trying to sleep curled round the freezing piss patch after wetting the bed and the night I was unwell and hallucinating/dreaming that the pictures on my poster were coming alive and moving round the room. I'm pretty sure it wasn't that they knew and didn't come, just that they'd made it clear so many times that they weren't having anything to do with me at night so I didn't bother trying them. Many nights I was just plain scared of the dark. As an older child I can remember being bollocked for waking my mum in the night - I was trying to get clean sheets or the cupboard so I could change my bed without disturbing her. I think for me it was worse as I got older and they stopped doing bedtime book routine because it meant even less time spent with then which is what I really wanted. I used to fight bedtime because I didn't like being alone. As an adult myself it upsets me that they felt it was acceptable to simply withdraw support and affection after a certain time of day. I struggle myself with staying switched on to people on relationships and put that down in party to the fact that they I was conditioned to think it was ok to just switch affection on and off depending on what time of day it was.

With my own children (6&3) we co-sleep most of the time. I offer them the option of where they want to be and they can change their mind in the night of they want to. I've set up my bedroom to make this comfortable fit everyone. They sleep well but I love the way a little foot or hand will search for me in the night and then they will settle as soon as they find my arm or leg to rest against.

I'm not sure whether the supposed effects of sleep training are related only to sleep in adulthood.

I think I read somewhere that babies being left to cry become more aggressive as adults because of the adrenaline released.

It can also affect trust I think

Not sure if I was sleep trained though, my mum is quite alternative and cosy so I can't imagine her letting me cry for long.

It's totally ok to leave your baby to "cry it out" until they learn to stop expecting anyone to come? No issues from this at all? From any age, even from birth?

Don't know about from birth Assassinated, but the research so far does not show any detrimental effects if done after (IIRC) 6 months. Doesn't show any detrimental effects on a child from not doing it either.

I did Controlled Crying with my eldest from about six months. Didn't take long. She's 22 now, and could sleep on a washing line.

My mum used controlled crying. I generally sleep quite well. I prefer a fairly dark room and no noise. But I can happily pop in some earplugs if needed. I will say that I only sleep well at home. If I stay anywhere else I will make repeatedly during the night and sleep very lightly. But I don’t think that has to do with the controlled crying! Academically I did very well. I’m quite a stressy, anxious person and have had some panic attacks. But my mum is also very much like this. I’ve been making a great effort recently to be more relaxed and less rigid as I don’t want to be like my mum, I find her quite annoying at times.

DH was sleep trained.
Raised by staff because his parents were busy doing important other things.
Sent to boarding school at 8.

Sleeps like a corpse and has no neuroses whatsoever.

I shared a room with my parents until 18 months old, woke constantly, always cried, and drove them to the edge of insanity. One weekend my mother couldn't take it, moved my cot to the other bedroom and left me to cry it out. Took one night apparently and I began to sleep through and independently.

I'm a light sleeper but I think I come by that naturally, and it's probably the reason I was such a crap sleeper as a baby. My parents noises probably woke me and I didn't know how to self settle afterwards.

DH was also sleep trained. His sleep is terrible. If he doesn't follow his normal routine in normal place he can't sleep. If he wakes in the night he cannot fall back to sleep because he can't rerun the routine. His sleep problems have been magnified by children and have had a hugely detrimental impact on our family life. Maybe they aren't linked but I would be surprised. I am sure MIL would say he is fine - he really isn't. I have not sleep trained my kids and am willing to sacrifice alot to achieve that.

I have no idea what my parents did when I was a baby. But as an older child they were ok with me crawling into bed with them if I was scared so I'd imagine they weren't the types to leave me to cry as a baby.

But I'm a lifelong terrible sleeper. As a child I really struggled to fall asleep at night, and then would wake in the night repeatedly. As an adult I'm exhausted and can fall asleep ok but now I wake in the night and can't get back to sleep.

I had the ultimate 80s upbringing. Was in my own room from birth and put in a routine. Fed every four hours on the dot (formula). I was premature too. I honestly think it did me absolutely no harm what so ever. I sleep like a log and always have done. I was left to cry it out too.

Some people love to moralise over sleep training but to me that’s just another way of guilt tripping parents for daring to have their own needs. If you stick to it most kids do respond to routines in some way (not all) and it can be a total lifesaver. No one benefits from having worn out parents at the edge of their sanity.

The impact on sleep misses the point spectacularly
It is the impact on our attachment style which is crucial. That forms our ability to have healthy relationships

What a depressing read.

Sleep training does 'work', to an extent. But its incredibly damaging to the neurological pathways that are still developing in young babies. Babies left to cry it out are much much more likely to suffer from MH problems such as anxiety and depression and indeed sleeping disorders and night terrors.

There is no good robust evidence for this.

There are so many variables behind why a person may or may not be a good sleeper I'm not sure we could assume too much influence of sleep training or not.

My parents always very proudly tell me how the night I came home from hospital (5 days old) I "tried it on". This entailed crying after I had been breast fed and changed. They decided to leave me for fifteen minutes because they "knew" I didn't need anything. Apparently I stopped screaming at 14 minutes....and so this proves they were right. This slightly horrifies me.

I remember my tiny babies and I never left them to cry....if they just want a cuddle that was ok with me! I co-slept untill 8-9months. Then gently sleep trained (put in own cot but stayed in the room the whole time and patted them back to sleep when they woke up).

However, I adore my parents now, and have always had a good relationship with them. I sleep well too, so doesn't seem to have had any long lasting effects! Parents do think I'm too 'soft' with my babies though.....rod for your own back has been said several times!

I am fucking sick of the endless bashing of sleep training that goes on here. Thread after thread of it.

I sleep trained my DD (NOT CIO, before anyone brings that up) because if I hadn’t, I would have harmed myself or her. That is the bottom line. If sleep deprivation doesn’t affect you that badly, or if you can co-sleep without lying awake rigid with anxiety, great - get on with it. But don’t you dare imply I’ve damaged my daughter because I didn’t do the same. She would have been far more damaged if I’d done nothing and had a full-on breakdown, which is the way I was heading.

Early 70s child put at the bottom of the garden for naps. DM is proud of saying "yes I know!" when neighbours rang her to say the baby was crying. I have no sleep issues but I've never had a healthy attitude to eating and i have a fear of being hungry. Could be linked, might not be.

I think I was
Left for hours wailing !

I suspect she left me 2 floors away !