Any other adults who were sleep trained (as babies)?

[BigPinkBall]

So I’ve seen a few threads tonight about sleep training with some people claiming it damages babies brains and others saying it has no affect.

I was born in the 80s when Feberising was the “in” thing and my parents are very proud that they used to leave me to cry myself to sleep, my mum tells me about how she’d do the hoovering to drown out the noise. She also told me that when I was little and I wanted to get into their bed she’d tell me to bring my pillow and lie on the floor next to their bed.

I think it did affect me, I can’t go to sleep if it’s quiet or dark, I need to have the tv on to be able to fall asleep, what are other people’s experiences?

My 18 year old was sleep trained and sleeps like a fucking log a bomb could go off and he wouldn’t wake

I was left to CIO (1970s), I am the best sleeper ever. I fall asleep at will, wherever I am and if I wake I go back to sleep instantly. I coslept with my own kids and they are amazing sleepers too, so I think it is genetic. My DH is a shit sleeper and he was put in his own room since birth.

I slept with my parents whenever I wanted ( a lot!) until I was maybe 7. I love sleep and look forward to going to bed.
BUT I think everyone is different. A baby that loves cuddles, should co sleep. A baby that needs to be fed every 2 hours should have that. Sleep training will work great for children who sleep well anyway but won’t be good for a baby who doesn’t work that way.

My mum says I just slept. I had a bottle then slept, so wasn't trained or rocked. I did sleep on my front with lots of blankets in a heated room though! I take ages to drop off to sleep now.

caillard that’s what I think! It’s just personality

My mum was a hippy and I was carried in a sling, BF until I self weaned, co slept until I decided not to. Never left to cry. I sleep brilliantly

My DH had a similar upbringing. He’s a terrible sleeper. If he gets woken up at night he can’t get back to sleep, he wakes up early, always tired.

We have 3 kids - Twins and a little one. All had a bit of gradual retreat, no-cry sleep training. Twin 1 goes to sleep VERY easily, wakes VERY early. Twin 2 will fight and fight bedtime until she is exhausted, has to be woken in the mornings. The little one goes to sleep v easily but always comes into our bed in the night and gets up early. Also their need for Sleep is very different - twin 2 just needs less sleep than the other 2.

So my feeling is that you should do whatever you like with regard to sleep training and it probably doesn’t make any difference long term!

What's this obsession with sleep 'training'?
As a baby I was put down for a nap after every feed, and put in bed at 6, not brought out of my room til 6 the next morning. Didn't have white noise machines or wind up singing gizmos. As a toddler at nursery we all had a nap after lunch, for 2 hours!
I sleep very well, but need darkness and quiet so use heavy blinds and ear plugs.
My children born in '85 and '94 were both good sleepers from the start. No TV after 6, bath, feed, play, bed. If they got up in the night, made sure they were clean and fed then back in bed, no conversation, all very quiet. My sister had a different approach as she believed her baby would not be able to sleep if she wasn't by her side. Sometimes it wold talk hours to get her to sleep! That lasted until she was at secondary school!!!
I would say that babies and children today are often very over stimulated. Their brains need peace and quiet to rest. Far too much use of iPhones and tablets to entertain them.

I also agree with bookworm that you do what you have to do to get you through. Any kind of crying puts me RIGHT on edge (and DH comes from a culture where sleep training is considered barbaric and what mean white people do who don’t really love their babies!) so that was never going to be something we would do....but I feel like our decision not to sleep train was for our own benefit if that makes sense (because we didn’t want the crying, they weren’t TOO awful, I could always get back to sleep after night waking, we were both there to help each other, we both enjoy having a kid in the bed to warm our feet on). I would NEVER judge anyone for Sleep training, even CIO, because everyone loves their baby the best and has made the decision that this is what is best for them as a family.

I sleep trained my DD (NOT CIO, before anyone brings that up) because if I hadn’t, I would have harmed myself or her. That is the bottom line. If sleep deprivation doesn’t affect you that badly, or if you can co-sleep without lying awake rigid with anxiety, great - get on with it.

Agree completely. DC1 would nap maybe 1 hour a day and woke constantly overnight before we sleep trained. We were both exhausted and miserable. Sleep training helped both of us massively, she became a very different baby after she started getting regular sleep. She also hated being cuddled and "co-sleeping" meant her lying next to me with eyes wide open all night.

I'm in some mummy chats where women will proudly brag about how their 4 year old still doesn't sleep through the night but they never sleep trained because "that's the life of a mum." Sorry but I can't work or drive my children around on 2 hours of sleep a night.

@Bezm you were lucky. I have two children, my first was a nightmare sleep refuser, my second can sleep through a nuclear attack and was like that from birth. People think it's their good parenting that makes for good sleepers. Nope, your kids came out like that.

I was sleep trained and can sleep happily absolutely anywhere. I do listen to audiobooks to get to sleep, because it helps me unwind and means I don’t fall asleep with a book on my face and glasses still on... DM attempted to sleep train my DB but it didn’t work so she gave up. He’s now a terrible insomniac with anxiety and depression .

I was sleep trained....ie just left to cry as long as I was fed and clean
Now I have my own young kids I honestly can’t believe my mum did that to me and it makes me look at her a little differently
I can’t sleep in the complete dark or silence. And often have trouble falling asleep.
I vividly remember sleeping in my bed covered in puke because I was scared I’d get in trouble for being out of bed if I went to tell anybody I’d been sick I must have been about 6 years old.
It’s not something I will ever do with my children. Babies and toddlers cry for a reason - even if that reason is that they just want a cuddle or don’t want to be alone.

I don't know if I was sleep trained but my mum says she put me in my own room on day one and closed the two doors between us! There would have been a bedroom between us as well. She did get me when I cried but I had to cry loud enough to wake her through two doors. She reckons this was great and I slept better than her friends' babies.

I would never do this - I put my newborns in my bed but I don't think it has actually affected me. I used to think I needed 12 different soft toys, exactly 2 pillows of specific hardness and a chink of light to sleep but as I got older and discovered alcohol etc I've been able to fall asleep practically anywhere in pretty much any conditions.

I didn't sleep through until I went to school. I used to creep down and watch MASH with my parents, get into their bed in the night and wake early, but play quietly. DM was pretty relaxed as to whatever got everyone maximum sleep was fine.

I didn't sleep hugely well until after I had my own DC and juggling work, kids and home. Now I'm permanently exhausted so fall asleep easily .

My own DC, I did pupd and gradual retreat with DC1, she slept fine and would come into our bed if she woke. DC2 I didn't put her to bed until she was 3. Just cuddled her to sleep in front of the TV. She sleeps like the dead!

eeanne I totally agree with you. It’s not the parents’ fault if they are bad sleepers, or to their credit if they are good. It’s just how they are. I never use my phone to entertain my kids, no tablets, no TV after 5, rock solid bedtime routine with lots of wind down,
lots of fresh air and exercise. And it works for 2/3 of them.

I think it's is right to say that the concerns raised about sleep training aren't focused on how well you then sleep as an adult, but are more related to developing or not particular neural capacities. I think it's also true to say that its highly unlikely an individual would be able to perceive with any level of accuracy what specific effect sleep training or not had on them.

I do think I recognise particular feeling memories -that sense of being on your own, whatever happened, at night (70s kid here) seems very familiar when I also think of times when I felt radically alone as an adult (after the breakdown of a partnership, or after the loss of a parent or grandparent). That's not a feeling I want to hand my kids particularly but if it was that or my own sanity as a PP talks about, I think secure the sanctity of the parent who is be prepared to be available in an ongoing way through whatever affects that might come of that, surely? It is remarkable how functional so many of us are despite our experiences, isn't it, if you believe the idea that ST is profoundly traumatic?

There doesn’t seem to be any particular trend here.

Some posters were sleep trained and are terrible sleepers and blame sleep training for that.

Some posters were sleep trained and are amazing sleepers and credit sleep training for that.

Some posters co-slept and are terrible sleepers who can’t sleep on their own and blame attachment parenting for that.

Some posters co-slept and are amazing sleepers and credit attachment parenting/co-sleeping for that.

Seems to be the luck of the draw mainly as to what kind of sleeper you are.

I was sleep trained because I was an awful sleeper. I sleep fine as an adult and have a great relationship with my parents. I dont think needing a tele on to sleep is related personally as I know lots of people who do this, i used to and still do sometimes but it is anxiety related and nothing to do with sleep training imo.

Never sleep trained, not a good sleeper as a baby, still not a good one now.

My M was not a good mother to my elder sister and I. She left us to cry, she ridiculed anything she perceived as weakness. There is a lot more to this... We are bad sleepers, we are bad mate choosers, we are v good at hiding our feelings.

Younger sister (different father and the golden child) was not left to cry it out. Her feelings were catered for, she was heard. She’s a v different person. Confident, assumes she will be listened to. No trouble sleeping.

Maybe it’s a case of parents that are capable of leaving a baby to “cry it out” are harder towards the child in other ways also?

I dont think correlation equals causation, there's not enough credible evidence either way. And there's a big difference between using something like cc and the abuse some posters have revealed. Letting your child lie in wee, be alone crying and hallucinating when sick...abusive.

My friend used cc on all of hers and they are great sleepers. Ill be honest and say i hate it, it didnt work for my toddler and like the person upthread it resulted in vomiting and shaking. Even after a couple of minutes. And we too had the night we didnt hear a wake up thanks to a neighbours party and he was in pieces when my husband got to him. Cosleeping worked for us and now he can sleep through godawful music and the hoover, even beside him.

itsclaire, i'm sorry, i think its a case that your mither was abusive and scapegoated you and your older sister.

Mither? Mother

Fascinating read. My conclusion... 'They fuck you up, your Mum and Dad.' There are so many factors and so many studies with so many flaws.. so difficult to unpick which of the studies really answers the question and doesn't ignore other factors. I think the difficult to swallow evidence is that crying and abandonment does damage developing brains... while lack of sleep is also damaging. What is difficult to
ascertain is whether in the context of an otherwise loving, supportive, well bonded relationship, where the line of least harm is drawn.

And there's a big difference between using something like cc and the abuse some posters have revealed.

Absolutely. I don't consider shutting the door and ignoring your child from 7-7 while they cry for months or years sleep training.