To think that if they can't be bothered to invite us maybe we shouldn't bother going?

[sharkirasharkira]

Dp and I have 2 friends who are getting married very soon. It's been a bit of a whirlwind romance so the whole thing is being done very quickly and on a small budget. All fine.

The wedding is on a weekday morning, with a reception in the evening, meaning Dp and I have to take a whole day off to attend. We don't have to take annual leave but do have to swap days around with colleagues to make it work, especially due to the short notice.

Dp asked if we were going and I said I didn't know because we hadn't been 'officially' invited by either of them - not just no paper invite, (which is fair enough as they are on a budget) but neither of them have even bothered to get in touch directly to ask us. We found out the details (time, etc) and that we are indeed invited, through another friend who is also going.

Aibu to think that if they can't be arsed to even text/phone/fb us to ask us to come they can't be that fussed if we aren't there? I'm just wondering if it's worth going to the effort - I do like to make an effort with these things and would have bought a nice card/gift but I'm really short on money at the moment and the thought of spending what little I have on someone who didn't even make an effort to invite me is irking me a bit. It feels a bit rude to turn up with nothing

Aibu?

Yanbu. You’re not mind readers so what are you supposed to do. Imagine if you’re not actually invited and you turn up.

If you've only heard through a mutual friend I think you can safely say you haven't been invited and it would be rude to turn up uninvited. Indeed it might be embarrassing for you and the happy couple.

Speak to your friends ffs!
What is so hard about getting on the phone and getting things clear?
All sounds a bit flakey to me.
Your mate is getting married, no written invite, but you are invited, la de da de da.
Talk to them instead of looking at effing fb.
SPEAK TO PEOPLE!!

I wouldn't go anywhere (let alone a wedding!) if I wasn't invited by the hosts personally - either verbally or in writing. What if the 'friends' have got it wrong?

I agree, they haven't invited you. You would have at least got a txt.

The other Friend has made an assumption that you have been invited, but if they need to keep costs down, you may not be first choice.

I wouldn't go if you haven't been invited - what if that's a conscious decision by the couple? It would be uncomfortable for everyone. I'd just send a card and leave them to it!

Oh I really wouldn't go without an invitation from the couple themselves!

Only once have I had to ask about an invitation and that was painful enough - a friend wanted to borrow some of our band's sound kit, and I was bringing it in my car, but I'd had no invitation through the post. It was around the time when lots of post was going missing, so it was quite possible that they'd sent it and it had got lost - but I had to email my friend (the groom) to ask if I was invited to the whole day or just the evening because if it was just the evening then I'd have to send the sound kit with someone else. SO embarrassing!
But I got an(other) invitation through the post a couple of days later for the whole day, so I'm still assuming the first one was genuinely lost in the post.

In your case though I think I would get the friend to sound out the couple, if at all possible because I couldn't take the risk of turning up without some form of invitation.

Either you ask them if you are invited and risk being told no, you are not , or you spend the next twenty years of the friendship avoiding the elephant in the room. Either way the friendship is fucked.

I would ask, after all there is a one in three chance it has been a cock up on their part ("but you were supposed to shark", "no YOU were ") in which case you stay friends and enjoy the wedding.

I wouldn’t go to a wedding (or any function) that the hosts hadn’t actually invited me to.

I’m not quite sure why you haven’t spoken to the hosts though? If your mutual friends were tasked with asking you why haven’t you called to accept?

Tell your mutual friends who.told.you about it that you presume you haven't been invited as you've not had an invitation. They could then say something to the couple.

If you haven't had an invitation you aren't invited.
I had a whirlwind and a tight guest (6) list. About 20 ppl turned up, some just for the ceremony which was really sweet, but we had booked a lunch in an expensive venue.
The gate crashers did a whip round to pay the bill. We were mortified.
So just respect them and don't go. But try not to take offense.

There was about 10 or 12 round the table. Some ppl that came to share the ceremony went off but not all of them.

Er, it doesn’t sound like you have been invited to me. You’ve received no invite nor any form of communication from the couple.

We are definitely invited, the groom contacted dp some days later to confirm if we were going to both parts or just evening. Which was difficult to say because at the time we had virtually no details about where it even is! Dp has since been given the details.

We are also invited to a wedding 'party' before the big day too (like a joint hen/stag do) as there is a group on fb for it. But no actual direct communication from either of them.

They are dp's friends really, when I heard about their engagement I messaged them to say congratulations but got no response. They don't really talk to me.

Did the ones who told you about it get a physical invitation?

No I don't think anyone did, as they are on a small budget. I think it was just texts/Fb messages/telling them in person. Which is why it's a little hurtful, they both have our contact information so no reason they couldn't have sent one.

Well that's the complete opposite of your op there

The groom has invited you both verbally! Fgs

You clearly say in your OP that youv have no direct message, text or call and then say groom called and asked your DH which parts you were coming too?!

Is this even real??

If so YABU and in my opinion just looking for us to give you a way out of going to a wedding you carnt be arsed with.

I wouldn’t be arsed about going. Yes they’re doing it on a budget, etc, etc, but they’re should contact those they’re inviting directly, not via a friend.

Eh? So you are definitely invited, no-one has had formal invites (just messages/FB etc), and the groom HAS been in touch with your DP directly to check you are coming. So clearly, in the last minute prep, you have been missed off a list somewhere and not got the details. When your dh was contacted surely he just said 'Fantastic, let me check, but I don't think we've actually had the formal details through, can you ping them over'. Job done. Why the drama?

No, we knew the wedding was happening but had had no direct contact with either of them so assumed we weren't invited.

Then dp bumped into mutual friend X, conversation as follows:

'are you coming to the wedding'

'Don't think so, we've not been invited'

'Oh you are invited, it's on X day'

'Err ok, I'll see if I'm off that day'

Then, several days later, the groom sent a message with the details of time, place, etc. Obviously friend X had passed on that we didn't have any details and so therefore couldn't confirm if we could come yet. To my knowledge, that message was the first communication from either of them about it.

If the groom called to check it is pretty clear he wants you there so I don’t see what the problem is?

the groom sent a message with the details of time, place, etc

That IS an invitation. What do you think an invitation is other than details of the event?

What???

You’ve had no contact... except for the groom himself phoning up your boyfriend and asking if you’re coming?!

God some people are hard work 😂

Right, so you accidentally got missed off the list, when the groom realised, he immediately sent you the details (ie invited you!) Admin error. Still not seeing the drama...