To think that if they can't be bothered to invite us maybe we shouldn't bother going?

[sharkirasharkira]

Dp and I have 2 friends who are getting married very soon. It's been a bit of a whirlwind romance so the whole thing is being done very quickly and on a small budget. All fine.

The wedding is on a weekday morning, with a reception in the evening, meaning Dp and I have to take a whole day off to attend. We don't have to take annual leave but do have to swap days around with colleagues to make it work, especially due to the short notice.

Dp asked if we were going and I said I didn't know because we hadn't been 'officially' invited by either of them - not just no paper invite, (which is fair enough as they are on a budget) but neither of them have even bothered to get in touch directly to ask us. We found out the details (time, etc) and that we are indeed invited, through another friend who is also going.

Aibu to think that if they can't be arsed to even text/phone/fb us to ask us to come they can't be that fussed if we aren't there? I'm just wondering if it's worth going to the effort - I do like to make an effort with these things and would have bought a nice card/gift but I'm really short on money at the moment and the thought of spending what little I have on someone who didn't even make an effort to invite me is irking me a bit. It feels a bit rude to turn up with nothing

Aibu?

They are dp's friends really, when I heard about their engagement I messaged them to say congratulations but got no response. They don't really talk to me.

I probably wouldn't be arsed going to their wedding then.

It's not difficult to send invitations out - even by FB or email if you're on a budget.

'The groom sent a message'

So, he has been in contact??

This is very strange on your part op.

You're saying he hasn't been in contact, but that he has.

Just go and enjoy yourself OP they are obviously madly in love and not thinking straight. Be happy for them .

But you have been invited. You got a text from the groom inviting you.

But tbh, I think your dp should go to this one alone - sounds like they're not your mates, and might be safer all round...

Sounds like you aren't really invited, and have been ' half invited' due to you finding out the details.

DO NOT speak to the couple about it - this will be a horribly awkward conversation . They will either feel obliged to invite you when they didn't want to, or say that they are sorry but they have got the maximum number of ceremony guests . Either way someone is going to have their nose put out of joint.

I just wouldn't go. You haven't had an official invite even by text, but others have. Sometimes people can't invite everyone to a wedding or party , and what amounts to a ' friends pecking list' emerges.

Put yourself in their position. Imagine you can only invite 10 people to a special event..who makes the cut and who doesn't?

There will be no malice involved, you haven't done anything wrong. Just enjoy the evening do.

You have been invited. Not everyone is into posting cards you know. God. Go or don't go. But don't be coming off with crap like you're "hurt" because you didn't get a card invitation! How ridiculous.

well this is all down to your dp for not asking isn't it

small chaotic wedding being organised (?) thrown together as soon as the groom contacted him to ask, that was the time for MrSharkira to find out the relevant details....has the man no common sense??

and that goes for the groom too tbh.

hey mate we're getting married, do you wanna come see us tie the knot?
yeah mate, cool.

All normal folks women pull their hair out at lack of info!

I think yabu.
They are clearly going for a low-key low-pressure thing and deliberately avoiding all the traditional trappings including formally-worded invitations for the mantlepiece.

They are mainly DP's friends and they have made this clear to DP and given him the details - you are also invited as a courtesy although they don't know you that we'll which is nice. I think you are being a bit precious expecting personal contact, you aren't going to be their highest priority obviously.

Of course it's an invitation not a summons and you don't have to go - DP can go alone if he wants to - but unless you simply don't have the annual leave available I think it would be a bit petty to refuse just because of this.

It's clearly fine for you to put in less effort than you would for a more formal wedding - so no need to buy a new frock for example. Unless you want to of course but then you are doing it for you not for them.

Bobbydeniro69 RTFT!

They have been invited, just not in a way that the OP deems suitable.

OP, you are being a bit precious, they clearly want you there, they have sent the details to your DP. You explain why they have not done 'proper' invites, with it all being done on a budget, but you yourself do not seem to accept that explanation.

When dh and I got married, we just decided and then booked it, we have to give 17 days notice to the parish. I sent an FB message to my friends with the details. I didn't go the whole hog with invites because I didn't think that would be fair with it being an informal rush job. I didn't want people obliged to come like a 'normal' wedding, as it was on a week day with two weeks notice, so I on purpose downplayed the invite.
Everybody, and their dogs came citing they wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Exactly @Imchlibob re first paragraph. That's what we did.

So you've had a message with the details and the groom phoned to check if you were coming....
what exactly did you want?

We are definitely invited, the groom contacted dp some days later to confirm if we were going to both parts or just evening

Confused. This is an invite isn't it? I'm not sure the point of your AIBU unless there's another issue and you don't like these 'friends'. Given how nowadays you get bridezillas obsessing over every little detail like gold plated invitations I think it sounds nice and informal.

Some people are reading waaaay too much into this! I'm not exactly tearing my hair out and sobbing into my cornflakes over it

Dp did message the groom to find out details but got no response until several days later. It was an afterthought, they only gave the details once it was clear that a mutual friend had told us about it.

I'm really not fussed either way. I can't go to the hen/stag do because I'm working and I might not be able to get the day off for the ceremony due to the short notice. But if they want us there I will turn up, be happy for them and make an effort for whatever bit I can make.

I totally get the numbers issue, we are having a small, limited numbers wedding ourselves due to cost so I wouldn't be upset if we weren't invited because of that.

It sounds like they are trying to organise everything in short space of time and are just not very good at it. I don't think that makes them shit, just shit at organising a wedding. Just go and enjoy it.

@Imchlibob they do know me well, I've know both of them for years, only a little less than Dp. I supported the (now) bride through her very painful divorce from her ex. But then her personality changed quite drastically and we are not so close anymore, in fact she has been quite cruel to me in the past. There is a backstory there which I don't want to go into.

I would not bring any drama to their wedding day though. I am happy for them.

Agreed @fruitbrewhaha.

I wasted a minute of my life reading the first few posts 😂

Okay - well I would say that I can't get time off work and leave it up to your DP if he wants to go. As it sound like you're not keen to go.

If he goes then yes a gift will be needed but perhaps some clever shopping can keep costs down.

OP you're obviously not arsed about going. You don't need permission to not go.

Sounds very much as tho you have unresolved beef with the bride, and are looking for reasons to get out of it.

(Fair enough if she's been a cow btw.)

Just get your DP to give a polite "Can't get out of work" on your behalf. I think it'd be ruder to go to the wedding TBH. They should have guests there that love them on their wedding day.

You sound like you are being really hard work over this.

You said you have had no contact, but later said the groom sent a message with all the details therefore confirming your invitations.

It's not hurtful that they haven't done formal invitations they can do it however they want.

Ffs either go or don't!

Sounds like when your P phoned up and spoke to groom that you ended up inviting yourselves! Doesn't seem like they want you there tbh. Give up OP too much hassle already. Don't bother going